European Soccer Highlights brought to you by LEGOS

I feel like not everyone will think this video is funny, but I do and it’s my blog so it’s going up.  I love the Euro2012 tournament so far and can’t wait to cheer on Ireland this weekend.  SING IT WOLFE TONES!!!

PS: Miami delenda est

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West Virginia Women’s Basketball player quits hoops to pursue modeling career

(Daily Mail)–The big addition to the West Virginia University women’s basketball team this offseason has decided to give up the game to find something more her style. Forward Krystal Forthan, who transferred to the Mountaineers from LSU last month, told Coach Mike Carey she’s leaving WVU to become a model. “She told us that she did not want to go to school and she was wanting to get into the professional world of modeling,” Carey said. “She said she was not interested in going to school here.” Forthan signed with the Mountaineers, but never enrolled and won’t affect the team’s APR. Carey said he tried to talk Forthan into playing and parlaying success into popularity and then a modeling career. Forthan declined and deprives the Mountaineers of a regarded player. The 6-foot-4 Forthan was a McDonald’s and Women’s Basketball Coaches Association All-American in high school in 2011. That year ESPNU Hoop Gurlz ranked her No. 5 in her recruiting class. She averaged 5.7 points and 3.2 rebounds at LSU and started two of 28 games. Forthan was also named the SEC Freshman of the Week twice. Forthan needed to sit out next season because of the NCAA’s transfer rules and wouldn’t have been eligible until the 2013-14 season. WVU already has a 6-5 post player committed to the 2013 class. Hoop Gurlz ranks Lubirdia Gordon, from Mount Vernon, N.Y., ninth at her position.

So this story is from the Daily Mail which is a British paper.  When I first read that this girl was quitting school to become a “model” I honest to god thought for a second that maybe model means something different over there.  Kind of like how “fag” means one thing in the UK and something completely different in the US.  That’s not the case.  Model means the same thing in both countries.  Which means my opinion of the career counseling at West Virginia is to the shits.  Nobody wants to tell kid with a dream that it’s not possible, but God put some people on this planet to be models and Krystal honey…you ain’t one of them.  Look it, we all have certain gifts, but we can’t choose what they are.  I wanted to be a professional hockey player, but instead God made me a reality TV and smut expert.  Krystal, God made you into a 6’4″ man.  Use that talent. Coach Mike Carey telling her she could become well known as a basketball player and parlay that success into popularity and then a modeling career is flat-out irresponsible.  Honestly, that might be a fireable offense.  If I am recruiting against this guy I am looking that HS girl and her parents in the eye and telling her that if she signs with my program at least she will get the truth.  Mike Carey will just promise you the moon and blow smoke up your ass.  This girl might have killed two careers with one stone.

 

PS: What does this say about the WNBA?  Sounds like this girl was good enough to play pro basketball, but she passed for a failed attempt at modeling.  Basically saying that she would rather have smut bloggers tell her she ain’t no model than play in the WNBA.  Not good pub for the league…if it still exists.

PPS: Miami delenda est

 

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Bigger over-reaction: Federer or guy from the comment section, who ya got?

So I did a blog earlier in the week about Roger Federer yelling at a fan to shut up and how tennis players are pathetic for not being able to deal with a little crowd noise when athletes is basically every other sport have to deal with fans actively trying to get them to screw up. Which elicited the following response

Anon from the comment section–Are you fcking serious?  Stop acting as if you know how does it feel like to be on the court u fucktard. –

Dude more like YOU need to fucking chill down because put yourself in his shoes and I’m sure you would react the same too fucker. C’mon. If u think he has overreacted what about the other players like nadal, djoker etc? They’re even worse aren’t they? So, PLEASE GET YOUR FACTS RIGHT YOU FUCKING RETARDED DOUCHE BAG PERSON NO WAIT YOU’RE A FUCKING DOG. YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BE A HUMAN FUCKK YOU. Go burn in hell already.

He was pissed off. Imagine yourself playing in such an important slam and you were about to lose and the crowd goes like OUT OUT when it was clearly in. Fucktard, use your brain okay?

Now I get comments telling me to castrate myself so I can’t reproduce and telling me to kill myself on pretty much a daily basis.  Doesn’t bother me.  In fact I kind of like knowing that I am getting that type of emotion out of people.  Especially when 95% of the stuff on the blog is satire.  So here is my real question…is flipping out and completely losing your shit over nothing just part of the tennis culture?  I mean we have got Federer yelling at fans, this bro smashing every racquet he owns, comment section guy, and John McEnroe has made an entire career out of blowing his lid.  I guess if you’re forced to play a non-contact sport that nobody cares about anymore in a prissy white outfit then you have to go out of your way to prove that you are a tough guy.  It’s not like anybody is going to respect you just on your athletic abilities alone.  So I guess what I am trying to say is…I ain’t mad at ya comment section guy.  Just let it out bro.  Let it out.

Having said that…comment section guy is clearly the one who over-reacted more.  Federer is playing a major tournament with huge money on the line in the twilight of his career.  Comment section guy has nothing going on.  Nothing.

PS: Miami delenda est

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Two FL teens caught up in the high stakes crime racket of stolen puppy distribution

(ST. AUGUSTINE, FL) – Two teens are behind bars after allegedly breaking into an industrial building and stealing guns and puppies in the World Golf Village area in mid-May. Jonathon Roberto Espinal, 18, also known as “Chico,” and Avery Robert Russell, 18, are accused of breaking into an industrial building behind a residence on Francis Road, where the pair allegedly stole two firearms, an adult pit-bull terrier mother and her ten very young pit-bull puppies, according to a report from the St. Johns Sheriff’s Office. The two later allegedly sold eight of the ten puppies. Two of the puppies died since they were removed from their mother at four weeks old, the report states. Espinal and Russell are charged with larceny, burglary and animal cruelty for causing a cruel death to two of the puppies. Espinal is currently being held on a $12,500 bond, Russell is held on $7,500.

 

Nothing is going to get you raped in prison faster than being convicted for being a puppy thief.  I mean that is as soft as it gets.  These guys have no idea what they are doing.  Of all the Disney villains to model your life after you went with Cruella De Vil?  Just a terrible, terrible choice.  She is probably second to last on the Disney villain power rankings.  The only worse villain to be is Ursula.  Which leads me to the real point of this blog…if you had to be one Disney villain, who would it be?  In my mind there are really only three possible choices.  Gaston, Scar, and Jafar.

Being Gaston would be sweet.  You’re a big, good looking, dude who spends his days eating dozens of eggs, firing on chicks, and just gallivanting around Europe.  I mean it’s gotta suck to lose Belle to a walking, talking, bear-buffalo hybrid beast thing, but at the end of the day who gives a shit?  If he would have just told Belle it was her loss he would have lived out the rest of his days like Prince Harry. She wasn’t even that hot.

Scar is by far the smartest of this group.  Just assassinating his brother without hesitation or remorse and assuming power.  That stampede murder was sheer genius.  Makes the Kennedy assassination look like a game of hungry hungry hippos.  He just moved too fast.  Too much too soon.  Like Mufasa just died bro.  Let the people mourn a little before you announce that you’re forming an alliance with their mortal enemy.  Ease into that transition.  I like the idea overall.  You have to consolidate power, but hubris got in the way again.  Also…you’ve got to surround yourself with better people.  Killing Simba was the right move, but sending three dumbass hyenas to do the job is the height of stupidity.  Especially when one of them is Whoopi Goldberg.

Jafar…pros: You’ve got access to a Genie and the only guy standing in your way is a peasant.  Cons: you’re fucking ugly and you have to live in the Middle East.  I mean I suppose if you’ve got three wishes you can spend one of them on making yourself look like Gaston.  Then wish number 2 you go for power of the empire.  But not in the Middle East.  Somewhere cool like Europe.  Then final wish…10,000 Jasmine sex slave look-a-likes.  Boom, done. Then you just take that lamp and drop it in the bottom of the ocean or some place where nobody could ever get it.  Viva Jafar!

Official Disney Villain Power Rankings:

1. Jafar

2. Gaston

3. Scar

4. The neighbor kid in Toy Story that blows shit up

 

If you say anyone else you’re an idiot.

PS: Miami delenda est

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Bieber to be protected by 6,000 cops at Mexico City concert

(Newser)–The Bieber may outdraw the Beatle: The Mexico City organizers of Monday’s free concert by teen star Justin Bieber predict it could be even bigger than Paul McCartney’s May 10 concert in the city’s central plaza, which attracted some 200,000 people. One thing’s for sure: Officials are planning elaborate security arrangements for the event, with nearly 6,000 police officers, two helicopters, 500 portable toilets, and four rings of barriers. Checkpoints will limit the crowd in the plaza to about 80,000, with other fans directed to watch the concert on giant screens erected on neighboring streets. A recent performance by McCartney in Bogota, Colombia, was guarded by a comparatively paltry 1,400 cops.

So this is the end of Bieber I guess.  I mean there is just no way he doesn’t get abducted in Mexico City.  People get abducted all the time down there and the fact that Biebs is going to have 6000 Mexican cops only makes me more worried.  There is nothing more corrupt than a Mexican police officer.  The more Mexican cops protecting Bieber the more likely it is that handful are working for a Mexican Drug Lord who wants non-stop personal Bieber concerts in the basement of his mansion.  I’d rather have one Kevin Costner than a billion Mexican Cops.  This is the end.  Poor Biebs.  Adios El Principe de Musica Popular.

 

PS: Miami delenda est

 

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When they say “don’t tap on the glass”…DONT TAP ON THE GLASS!!!

You don’t spit into the wind, you don’t tug on superman’s cape, you don’t pull down the mask of the lone ranger and you DON’T tap on the glass at the zoo of the only animal on Earth known to hunt humans when he is already pissed off about being locked up in a small confined pool.

 

PS: Are these two old guys the real life version of the muppets old guys?

 

PPS: Miami delenda est

 

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People in Seattle still a little salty about the Sonics moving to OKC

 

I know exactly how these fans feel.  I grew up a Hartford Whalers fan and they played their last game in Hartford on my 11th birthday.  Just cried my eyes out as the Whale completely and utterly choked down the stretch and missed the playoffs.  All the needed was one effing point in their last 4 games. ONE!!! And they couldn’t do it.  They moved to North Carolina, rebranded themselves as the Hurricanes.  A few years later they were in the Stanley Cup Finals.  Shortly after that the Hurricanes won the Stanley Cup.  One of the worst days of my life.  It’s ok though. I am like totally 100% over it.  I mean it was 15 years ago and I am Blackhawks fan now.  I don’t have trust issues or fear of abandonment or hate my birthday or anything like that…

 

 

PS: Miami delenda est

 

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REMIX!!!! Mister Rogers about to go quadruple platinum

 

BLAZING!!!  “Garden of Your Mind” is the hottest remix maybe ever.  Fresh to effing death!!!

 

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Irish Soccer Fans drive 8 hours to taunt the English team as they arrived at their hotel for Euro 2012

 

Alright Ireland, if I wasn’t 100% on board before I am now.  Any fan base that will drive 8 hours from Krakow to Gdansk just to call John Terry a racist and talk shit is pretty awesome in my book.  Couldn’t be more proud of my heritage right now.  I am all in with Ireland.  FAUGH A BALLAGH(Clear the way)!!!!

 

PS: The tournament starts tomorrow.  If you want in the Windy Citizen Sports Bracket Challenge go to ESPN.  Group Name: Windy Citizen Sports Password: The Chief

PPS: Miami delenda est

 

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Happy Birthday To The “L”: CTA system is 120 years old

(ChicagoMag)–EXCERPT FROM FIRST EVER ARTICLE ABOUT THE “L” IN 1892–And then the coaches. New York has never seen such gay ones as those put in service yesterday. They have an outside color of pale olive green, and inside they are finished in oak and cherry in natural colors. The seats are roomy and comfortable, with cushions, the ones at either end, running lengthways of the car, being divided by arm rests in cherry. Eight double seats are in the center of the car, the same as in an ordinary railroad coach. These have high backs, and between each there is a small mirror set in the side of the car between the windows. The windows are wide, and at present have the added novelty of opening easily. The doors are novelties in their way. They are of the double sliding pattern and when one is pushed back both open. The platforms are roomy and are provided with gates which are opened by the gateman when the cars come to a stop and closed and locked before the strain starts again. The ceilings of the coaches are decorated in a variety of ways. Some are of hardwoods, while others are covered with a coarse canvas fastened with large brass-headed tacks and colored dark blue, brown, and red. There are straps of the same pattern furnished by Mr. Yerkes. Everything about the line denotes solidity, and at the same time an attempt to make the equipment and the stations as handsome and convenient as possible. All the station houses so far completed are built underneath the track, though this will be impossible where the road runs in streets as it will south of Thirty-ninth street. They are of brick and terra cotta with all the woodwork in oak. One ticket seller and one collector will transact the ticket business for both north and south bound trains. The passengers coming in, pass the windows of the ticket office, then the ticket box where the tickets are dropped, and then go through a passage way to the stairs. At the head of the first landing the stairs divide, the one for the down town trains being on the east and the one for the south bound trains on the west side. The stations have a wainscoting of enameled brick to a height of six feet and are plastered above. The stairways have a graceful iron covering which extends above both platforms. A platform-man is stationed on each platform to keep the crowds moving aright and there is a janitor in service at each station. Toilet-rooms have been provided for men and women at each of the stations, except the one at Congress street, which is located in a building facing Congress and Wabash avenue.

 

Yep…happy birthday. This video kind of sums of the modern “L”.  Not a place in the city with a better chance of running into a complete lunatic.

PS: Keep antagonizing that crazy German-Australian chick who is 5’2″ and solid muscle, but I don’t want to hear you crying when you’re murdered.  It’s why I never make eye contact with anyone on the L.  Not worth the risk.

 

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