Mark Cuban looks really worried about the NBA Lockout

 

The NBA Lockout is in day like 100 or something and they are cancelling like another two weeks of the season like every day.  The NBAPA better get their shit together and accept a deal like yesterday.  Mark Cuban seems to be doing just fine.  Billionaires are gonna beat millionaires who can’t miss a paycheck without having to declare bankruptcy 110% of the time.

 

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NBA Draft Recap

The NBA decided to move their draft from New York City to New Jersey, but it felt like they should have had it at Ellis Island.  The lottery was filled with a boatload of tall, skinny, ugly, awkward Euro dudes with names like Enes, Jan, and Nikola.  I can’t decide if this was the worst draft ever, or the best draft ever.  I had only heard of like 8 of the guys drafted and listening to Stuart Scott talk in a some like weird dialect of ebonics is beyond annoying, but the humor was off the charts.  Basketball Borat just kept getting drafted and interviewed all night.

Highlight of the night though was Jan Vesely’s girlfriend.

 

I know this guy is going to the NBA and everything(well, probably not Euros always suck except Dirk) but this guy is ugly.  Totally out kicking his coverage.  Not only is this girl a sexbomb, but she has no problem just frenching his face on national TV.  Staking her claim.  No doubt this will be the best moment of Jan Vesely’s career.  So do they just give girls like her out to guys in the Czech Republic or Lithuania or wherever he is from? I don’t care that he is about to be a millionaire, there is no way he should be able to lock that girl down.

 

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NBA Draft Preview: Who Sucks the Most?

In my heart of hearts, I truly believe that I could be a better NBA GM than 95% of those currently employed in those positions.  I am never more confident about that thought than I am during the NBA draft.  I just went through Chad Ford’s mock draft, what a joke.  Looking at the first 30 picks on that mock draft I can pick out probably 5 sure fire busts.

Bismack Biyombo:  Hasn’t this guy been drafted like every year? I could have sworn this was Ike Diago.  I don’t know anything about this guy and even I know he is going to suck. Yet, somehow this guy is going to be a lottery pick, then a D-League role player, and then he is going to be Ike Diago.

  Jan Vessly: This guy looks like a Jan.  Rule #1 of drafting…don’t take guys with chick names.  Red Auerbach lived by this.  Thats how he traded Joe Barry Carroll for Kevin McHale and Robert Parish.  This guy isn’t Dirk.  He isn’t even Marsha.

Markieff and Marcus Morris: If I know one thing about sports, its that twins suck.  Sedins…suck. Vinklevoss twins…suck. I am sure there are others.  One of these guys is going in the lottery I guess, I don’t really know which one…but it doesn’t matter both will be at the end of the bench passing out waters, towels, and high fives.

Klay Thompson: I am not even totally convinced that this guy is a human. This picture is kind of freaking me out.  That’s an ugly dude.  You can’t look like a freak and be a star.  So why draft this guy in the lottery? You are wasting your time.

  Davis Bertans: Albino guy from Lithuania…

 

There is a God

Call it Karma, a higher power, or whatever you want, but clearly there is a God…and he is a sports fan.  The NHL and NBA Finals proved this beyond a doubt.  Two teams who cried, flopped, took cheap shots, and were led by fraudulent superstars made it all the way the championship series before God stepped in and said enough is enough.  The Universe wouldn’t allow teams like the Miami Heat and the Vancouver Canucks to win a championship. There were times these series where I thought I was watching the sequels to “Angels in the Outfield”.  Dirk’s improbable shots going in. Thomas’s improbable saves.  It was amazing.  The Bruins and the Mavericks saved America.

These Finals showed the world two “superstars” who have no class and no character.  Lebron James and Roberto Luongo.  So similar in so many ways.  Epic failures define their careers.  Former captains who just completely and utterly failed their teams, their cities, and themselves on the biggest stages possible.  They are basically the same person.  They are…LuBrongo.  I’d love Lubrongo to become like an urban dictionary definition of an epic failure.

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Turns out LeBron James Sucks After All

Last night was amazing.  The Heat are a joke.  Lebron has to be the worst “superstar” in the history of the NBA.  This shouldn’t surprise anyone.  Lebron has sucked all along.  He flat out quit on the Cavs last year because the Celtics were too tough on him.  Then this performance in the NBA Finals has sealed his legacy in my mind forever.  I don’t care if he wins 10 championships, he will always suck.  People were so quick to crown him as the greatest of all time.  ESPN is a joke.  Yeah he hit a few big three pointers against the Celtics and Bulls, but guess what…Robert Horry has hit clutch shots in the playoffs, he isn’t the greatest of all time.  Lebron is a quitter and a loser.  Last night was the perfect opportunity to assert himself as a superstar and leader with Dwayne Wade missing so many minutes with a bruise, but he failed. 

The Heat are so smug and arrogant.  That’s why everyone in America hates them.  I couldn’t believe when I saw them mocking Dirk for being sick after he kicked their ass when he was sick.  Hey Lebron, just because Dirk scored like triple the points you did, doesn’t mean that he wasn’t sick.  It means he’s a leader and you’re a loser.  Last night proved that if Dwayne Wade isn’t superman, then the Heat can’t win because they don’t have another leader on the team.  I hope Dallas finishes off the Heat in Miami.  The Heat don’t deserve a championship and neither do their fans.

The Mavs are America’s team and are truly a team.  Getting big time contributions from Kidd, Marion, Terry, and led by superstar Dirk Nowitzki.  Tyson Chandler is giving the Mavs defense and rebounding.  The Bulls used to have a guy named Tyson Chandler back in the day.  Top 5 draft pick.  That guy was a total bust.  Man did he suck.  Whatever happened to that guy?

I picked the Heat and the under in my Locks of the Century yesterday. “Taking the Heat on the moneyline at -105, Heat against the spread, and the under…which of course means the Mavs probably win a shootout, and I wouldn’t mind a bit.” Well, wouldn’t you know it, that’s exactly what happened.  Haven’t looked at the lines for Game 6, but you can bet I am going back to the Heat well again if it means a Dallas Mavericks win.  You’re welcome America.

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Lock of the Century: NBA Finals Game 5 Edition

Miami Heat +1 @ Dallas Mavericks -1

I’ll be the first to admit that my NBA Finals Locks of the Century haven’t been the greatest. Costa Rica is kicking my ass in this battle.  Taking Miami in every game has burned me.  Miami is really underachieving, Lebron in particular.  All of these losses are making me feel like the Gambling Gods are trying to punish me by picking and therefore, rooting(kind of) for the Heat.  Well jokes on you Gambling Gods. I’d gladly lose money everyday if it meant that the Heat would be denied a Championship.  So, having said that…give me the Heat.  Lebron is not going to be held to 8 points again.  He has been out-scored by the Boston Bruins 12-8 in the last three days.  No way that trend continues.  Even with Lebron struggling, the Heat have still been in every game.  I think Lebron takes over today and has a huge game.  Proving that he is more fueled by what other people say about him than by winning championships.  He really needs extra motivation?  Jordan would have dominated the Mavs in an empty gym in Siberia because all he cared about was winning.  Lebron takes games off in the middle of the NBA Finals.  Thats the only argument I need.

Over/Under Total Points 184

Every game has been in the 80s and I don’t anticipate that changing now.  The games have been slow, not a ton of possessions and both teams have been bringing in on the defensive end of the court.  88-84 Heat win tonight.  Taking the Heat on the moneyline at -105, Heat against the spread, and the under…which of course means the Mavs probably win a shootout, and I wouldn’t mind a bit.

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Lock of the Century: NBA Finals Game 4

Miami Heat +3 @ Dallas Mavericks -3

My heart says Dallas, but my head says Miami.  Lebron James had 17 points in Game 3 and Miami still won.  All of these Heat playoff series are playing out the exact same way.  Hard fought throughout the first 40 minutes, then Miami’s talent and team athleticism just takes over in crunch time.  Miami learned their lesson in Game 2 that they can’t take their foot off the gas.  Look for Lebron to bounce back tonight and lead the Heat to a victory.  I am also all about omens. I am in Chicago and it is going to be 98 degrees here today.  Ignore signs like this at your own peril.  I like Miami in against the spread, against the moneyline and I also like the over in total 3pt field goals made. The war against the Costa Rican economy continues. I want the same citizenship medal that Obama gave Bill Russell when this thing is all said and done.

Lock of the Century: NBA Finals Game 2 Prop Bets

Well well well…looks like all I had to do was call the sportsbooks out and they publish their prop bets for Game 2 of the NBA Finals.  Big mistake, huge.  I am going to just tear into them again.  I already have the Miami Heat on the moneyline and I also have them covering the 4.5 point spread. Prop bets are low hanging fruit.  There are two ways to stop Costa Rica sportsbooks; the Eric Holder way or my way.  My way gets you paid.

3-point prop bet trifecta

I love all three of these 3 point shots made lines.  This is just stealing.  Both teams will employ their small lineup, both teams love the three, and they crushed this line in Game 1.  The line for Miami’s made 3pointers is laughable.  Lebron James was 4 of 5 by himself in the last game.  Dallas is playing zone the majority of the time to try to take away dribble penetration.  Miami will be shooting more three pointers than normal.  Eight isn’t nearly enough for Dallas either.  Give me all three of these.

Dirk Nowitzki Total Assists+Rebounds over/under 10.5

Dallas had better pray Dirk doesn’t come under this line.  If he does he is probably sick or dead or severely injured.  Dirk is becoming a better passer and Dallas has got to be preaching to each other to get aggressive on the glass after Miami controlled rebounding in Game 1.  Dirk is the leader of the team, and as the power-forward will be counted on to get more rebounds.  I also think that Dirk’s finger injury probably helps with this line. If he is limited offensively he will look to get others involved and contribute in other ways.

So that’s 6 total sports gambling Locks of the Century for Game 2 of the NBA Finals.  Miami on the moneyline, Miami on the spread, total threes over 14, Mavs 3s over 8, Heat 3s over 5.5, and Dirk Nowitzki to be over 10.5 combined rebounds+assists.  That’s some easy money.  Enjoy the game…GET THAT PAPER.  STRAIGHT CASH HOMIE

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Lock of the Century: NBA Finals Game 2

Dallas +180 @ Miami -220

Dallas +4.5 @ Miami -4.5

Costa Rica is in shambles after I demolished them in Game 1. Going 4-0-1 in various bets.  They are so scared that they haven’t even posted prop bets for this one knowing full well that I will rob them blind again.  Game 2 will play out just like Game 1 did. Relatively close for 80% of the game, and then Miami’s talent will just take over in the 4th.  Miami will not only win, but they will also cover the spread.  Dallas just doesn’t have the horses to win a game on the road.

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My future First Lady of Costa Rica

Shaq aaahhh….HES THE GREATEST IN THE UNIVERSE

Shaq is all done.  Sad day.  I don’t really remember the NBA without Shaq.  Great player, lovable personality.  He was the most physically dominating player in the history of the league for a good chunk of his career.  He will go down as the only LA Laker I ever liked.  Hopefully this frees him up to make more classics like “Kazaam” and drop more hits like “Shoot, Pass, Slam”.  Shaq Diesel was a real renaissance man and the league will miss him. 

“Hey 401k…tell me how my ass tastes.”-Shaq