Epstein is doing A+ work so far

Signed this chick’s husband.  I think he’s an outfielder or something.  Epstein just keeping the stands hot at Wrigley.  Bang up job so far Theo.

Woman sits in Man’s chair, Man tries to kill woman

(Racine, WI)–Kendrick A. Carr allegedly attempted to kill a woman who wouldn’t leave a  chair on Thanksgiving Day. Carr, 23, of the 2000 block of Washington Avenue, appeared in circuit court  on Monday afternoon charged with one count each of attempted first-degree  intentional homicide, first-degree reckless endangerment, criminal damage to  property, and disorderly conduct, and he was charged as a repeat offender on  each crime. If convicted on all counts he faces a maximum penalty of 80 years  and six months in prison or a $36,000 fine, or both, according to the criminal complaint. According to the complaint, Carr was at the house of his girlfriend on  Thursday and shortly before 6:30 p.m. became upset that the friend of his  girlfriend was sitting on what he said was his chair. The friend refused to move  when Carr told her to get out of his chair, and Carr became upset, the complaint  said. Carr began throwing items around the apartment, grabbed a knife with an  8-inch blade from the kitchen and stabbed the wall, and then went after the  friend, the complaint said. He swung the knife at her several times and  threatened to kill her, and the friend picked up a broom to fight him off, the  complaint said. The attack stopped only when someone mentioned the police, and  Carr ran from the apartment while yelling threats, the complaint said.

 

If this guy gets 80 years then I don’t think I want to live in America anymore.  I mean WTF?  What kinda effed up society is this?  Look it, I will give up my seat to a chick on a bus or train 100 times out of a 100, but that’s only because I expect it to be reciprocated in other instances of life.  Thanksgiving football is one of those instances.  If I am parked in front of the game and get up to grab a beer, pile of potatoes, and some extra turkey, my seat sure as hell better be there when I get back.  I don’t need to save it or call fives, or any of that shit.  Its about respect.  I was sitting there.  I am still sitting there until I verbally give the ok.  That’s just the law.

 

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Chicago Blackhawks Grades at the quarter pole(ish)

This team has me scratching my head 25 games into the season.  On one hand, they are tied for the most points in the Western Conference.  Most fans and teams would probably be thrilled by that…not this guy.  This team just doesn’t feel like a Stanley Cup contender at this point.  Maybe its the fact that they have the league’s worst penalty kill…yeah 30th out of 30…wtf.  Here are my first quarter grades for each player…in alphabetical order.

Bryan Bickell: F

Bickell has played in 23 games this year and has registered a whopping 5 points.  Pretty pathetic.  He has been a healthy scratch once and has been demoted to the 4th line.  For a guy that is listed at 6’4″ 233lbs, Bickell doesn’t bring nearly enough to the team from a physical stand point.  The only reason he is on the NHL squad and not in Rockford is because his cap hit is so minimal.

Dave Bolland: C-minus

Bolland has 10 points in 20 games which isn’t terrible for a 3rd line center, especially on this team.  However, when you aren’t contributing offensively and you are the “shut down center” you can’t be a -5 on the season.  I have faith that Bolland will turn it around when it matters most, but he is a guy the Hawks need at least 50 points from.  He is isn’t quite on that pace.

Andrew Brunette: D

Look it, I hate to come down on Brunette here, but this was a terrible off season acquisition.  Brunette simply doesn’t skate well enough to play on this team.  The Hawks are about speed and tremendous puck possession.  Brunette is old, and was never that good of a skater to begin with.  He has been removed from the top 6 forward group and if it were up to me he would be replaced by young fresh legs on the active roster.

Dan Carcillo: C+

Carcillo is basically what you would expect him to be.  He runs around. Hits people.  Does a decent job on the forecheck.  Chirps.  Provides sand.  I am glad he is on the team.  Having said that, he has gotten a ton of minutes as a Top 6 forward.  He is over his head.  Carcillo is best suited to be on the 4th line, mucking it up and pissing people off.  His inclusion in the Top 6 speaks to the Hawks overall lack of depth.

Corey Crawford: C

I expressed my concerns about Crawford early in the season and practically got my head bitten off by people on twitter.  His numbers are average.  a .902 save percentage simply isn’t good enough.  The Hawks need to tighten things up in their own zone as a whole, but Crawford needs to get his rebound control…under control.

Michael Frolik: C-minus

What happened to that Bickell-Bolland-Frolik line we all saw last spring against the Canucks?  I personally expected Frolik to take major strides this season.  It just hasnt materialized.  The former top 10 pick has only 7 points through 22 games.  That puts him on pace for about 11 goals on the year.  A player with Fro’s skill should be able to fall backwards into 11 goals.  The Hawks were counting on secondary scoring from the third line and they collectively have been a major disappointment.

Niklas Hjalmarsson: B

Count me as a guy who loves Hammer.  The guy is a rock back there for the Hawks.  He skates pretty well, plays smart, is physical at appropriate times, and competes extremely hard.  Ideally you’d like a guy getting 20 minutes a night to have more than 2 points, but scoring isn’t a problem for the Hawks and Nik’s plus-7 rating shows how solid he is in his own end.

Marion Hossa: A

This is the player the Blackhawks expected to get when they signed the big Slovak.  Just puck possession like you read about.  He’s a point-per-game right now and also has a plus-10 rating.  He is effective skating with either Toews or Kane.  Hoss is one of the few player bouying this team right now.

Patrick Kane: A

Patrick Kane has been nothing short of electrifying so far this season.  He is producing at a high level while learning a new position.  Moving Kane to center has been by far the best move Quenville has made this season.  Kane has even been responsible in his own end.  Something many thought could never be a big part of his game.  I think Kane is capable of scoring at a higher rate than a point per game, but maybe he can’t do that until the Hawks surround him with two competent wingers.

Duncan Keith: B

Duncan Keith has certainly showed flashes of his Norris trophy level play on the back end, but it hasn’t been there consistently.  Perhaps he is playing too many minutes.  Keith is second on the team in points, but his +/- rating leaves something to be desired.  I am an advocate of putting 2 and 7 back together, and letting them do their thing.

Marcus Kruger: B

I have loved Kruger’s game for the most part.  Responsible.  Smart.  His 7 points certainly aren’t lighting the world on fire, but they are solid for a rookie still learning the North American game and getting limited minutes.  He seems to be improving every game.

Nick Leddy: B

Another young player turning in a solid campaign.  Leddy amazes me.  He plays the game so cool and smart.  He is great in transition.  He needs work on his game in the Hawks end a little bit, but he is a very capable top 4 defenseman with a bright future.  That Cam Barker trade was the steal of the century.

Sami Lepisto: Incomplete

Lepisto has only played in 8 games so far this season, so it’s hard to get a real feel for his game.  He is a good skater and moves the puck well.  I personally believe he is a better option overall than O’Donnell or John Scott, but perhaps Q and the boys like the added sand paper and/or leadership those two vets provide.  Lepisto is a solid guy to have as a 7th defenseman.  I’d like to see him get some more time.

Jamal Mayers: B+

I sneaky love Jamal Mayers.  He is everything you want in a fourth line forward.  He hits, he fights, he works hard, and is dependable defensively.  He seems to be a guy that will step up(at least in the press) and say something when the boys aren’t playing well enough.  Great off-season acquistion.

Steve Montador: B+

Montador is my favorite new Blackhawk.  He stands up for his teammates.  He plays hard every night.  He contributes in any way he is asked to.  Somehow he landed on the second unit of the powerplay and is actually delivering results.  Monty is a tough costumer and the Hawks are lucky to have him.

Sean O’Donnell: Pass

Ugh, whatever.  O’Donnell seems like a good dude, just old and slow.

John Scott: Ugh, whatever, Pass…I guess

Its hard for me to hate on John Scott.  He plays hard.  Does what he is asked.  Will stand up for teammates. Has a great mustache.  I would even venture to say that his skating as improved since last season.  He still probably the worst skater in the league, but he is better.  I am glad he is on the team. I just wish he was a healthy scratch more often than not.

Brent Seabrook: B-minus

The Hawks need more out of Seabrook.  Plain and simple.  7 points and a +3 simply isn’t good enough.  He needs to earn that big contract and get his game to where it was last year.  I do think that 2+7 is just something that needs to happen going forward.  Those two are in each other’s brain and work beautifully together.

Patrick Sharp: A

You can’t ask for much more out of Patrick Sharp.  The guy has been one of the better players in the league so far this year.  23 points and a +10 is incredible.  He is a leader on and off the ice and always plays with a tremendous effort.

Ben Smith: Incomplete

Smith needs more playing time.  Start sitting Brunette or Bickell or whoever, but the kid needs a chance to get into the flow of things with this team.

Viktor Stalberg: C-minus

Anybody who reads this space regularly or follows me on twitter knows how I feel about Stalberg.  The guy has a hockey IQ similar to Forest Gump.  Having said that…he is extremely talented.  Incredible speed and he seems to be a hard worker.  I think he would be a tremendous 3rd line winger, but he doesn’t have the smarts to be a top 6 forward.

Jonathan Toews: A+++++++++++++++++

I feel like that teach in “A Christmas Story”, but Toews has been sensational.  Probably the best face-off guy in the league, he is a point per game player, a +8, a leader, a penalty killer, and is extremely gifted offensively.  There is no doubt in my mind that Toews could be a 100 point guy if he wanted to sacrifice some of his defensive zone responsibilities.  Toews, to me, is the perfect hockey player.  I feel blessed to be able to watch him compete on a regular basis.

I really think this team is playing at its apex right now.  Stan Bowman has some work to do.  This team needs another top 6 forward and another defenseman.  It might be time to give some of the young Rockford kids a look too.  I really believe that Jeremy Morin is a 30 goal scorer in the making.  He would fit in tremendously on this team as a top 6 forward.  I am not sure if Kyle Beach is dead or what, but the Hawks need to find a big guy with a pulse because Bickell has no heart.

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This Kid Hates Tom Brady

 

This kid hates Tom Brady and its fantastic.  I love being a fan of the evil empire.  You think Jay Cutler is good enough to make kids that are fans of other teams cry…for sure NOT.  There is a real divide in my family.  I have a brother who is ten years younger than me so he really grew up in Illinois…sadly he loves the Bears.  I mean in his formative years the Pats were just beating the shit out of everyone and everything in their path.  His older, cooler, hilarious brother loves the Pats, and yet my brother chose a life of disappointment and misery by being a Bears fan.  Sad.  I am largely on an island as a Pats fan here in Chicago, but at least I am not drowning in a sea of tears like fans of the other 31 teams.

PS: This is the 500th post on this blog.  No better way to celebrate than with a post about the Greatest Quarterback of All Time.

 

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Best/Worst Flop in the history of sports

 

Amazing.  Just the best most gutless display in the history of sports.  Bravo Jerome Simpson, bravo.

 

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I NEED THIS UBER YACHT

(Newser)–Mansions are cool and all, but wouldn’t they be better if they floated and came with submarines? That seems to be the idea behind the PJ World yacht, an upcoming 269-foot, $150 million super-yacht designed by Rolls Royce and Palmer Johnson. Its coolest feature: A six-man submarine that can exit and enter through what one Palmer Johnson executive describes as “a James Bond door that opens to the water.”                                                           

If that’s not enough to thrill your inner teenager, the yacht also comes armed with water cannons to fend off pirates and a helicopter hangar with a lift that, CNN muses, works a little like the Batmobile garage. And on top of all that, it’s a ludicrously posh home, complete with swimming pool, movie theater, beauty salon, and even a classroom for the kids. “This is a moving house,” the executive says. “If you don’t like the neighbors, you can just sail away.”

Dear Santa,

 

I need this Uber Yacht so badly you have no idea.  I have been blogging my ass off all year.  Trying to give people good gambling advice and a laugh.  Getting this Yacht would serious make my life.  I would just sail around the world partying it up, beating the shit out of pirates with the cannons on this thing.  I wanted those Ninja Turtles and that Nintendo, but I NEED this Yacht.  Seriously, I have been so good this year.  If you don’t get me this Yacht you should seriously retire from Santa Clausing, because you suck.  You couldn’t tell a good boy from a bad boy if one took a shit on your naughty list.  So in conclusion, get me this Yacht or I will know once and for all that you aren’t real.

 

All the best,

Ryan

PS: If you can give the names of some of the naughty girls on your list that’d be cool too.

PPS:  The submarine and helicopter come with this yacht so don’t try and cheap out.

 

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Alright, 2012 is for sure the apocolypse. Here is proof:

 

I wish I could say that this is was the most disgusting/scariest thing I have seen on the internet today, but unfortunately giant furry spiders are devouring San Antonio.

Ok so there you have it.  Plagues like a mother fucker up in this bitch.  We got spiders owning San Antonio and the only animal that can stop them has an effing worm swimming in its eye.  SAVE ME TEBOW!!!

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Crazy awesome treadmill dancing

This is impressive as hell.  So effing smooth.  Swag for days. Now, having said that…this chick should seriously think about using a treadmill the way it was intended.  This dance shit clearly isn’t burning enough calories.  no offense.

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Canadian Football ain’t no effing joke. Old dudes throwing down

 

Is this is acceptable behavior for old man fights?  A) can you really hit a guy with your cane upside the head?  B) are you allowed to fight a guy that has a walking cane?

Here is the deal…the old dude on the left deserved to get smacked.  He shoved that flower/olive branch thing in that other guy’s face all while trying to rub his nose in shit.  I would have smacked him with my cane too.

 

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Its just yogurt. Relax kid

 

I am so jealous of this baby.  Look how pumped he gets for every bite of yogurt.  I haven’t felt that way about anything in my life.  This kid is losing his shit over yogurt.  YOGURT.  And it’s not like he’s having frozen yogurt with M&Ms in it…nope, the best thing in his life if this boring ass vanilla yogurt.  You couldn’t pay me to eat vanilla yogurt.  I don’t even like that fruit on the bottom bullshit.  I need it mixed throughout and dyed appropriately.  These parents need to be careful because once this kid gets his mitts on some real ice cream or a starburst he will literally die from over stimulation.

 

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