Lock of the Century: NHL Finals Prop Bets

This is almost getting too easy.  I feel like I should have gone to the prop bets in my war against Costa Rica a long time ago.  Its like these guys have never seen a hockey game…which is probably true since they are from Costa Rica.  There are low hanging plantains and papayas all over the prop bets.

Burrows sucks.  I don’t know how else to put it.  The guy rides tugs at the skirts of the Sedin Sisters and get points almost by default.  Chara will be smashing them in the face all series long and I don’t see that line being a big factor.  Kesler will be skating against the Krejci line most likely which means Bergeron will have plenty of space to score.  Bergeron is without a doubt getting more points than Burrows.

I am really confused by this one as well.  Chara will most likely be parked in front of the net on the Bruins powerplay which will give him more opportunities to score than normal.  He is also good in the transition game and should pick up a few assists when he isn’t murdering the Sedins.

Ryder is good for a one big game a series, but he doesn’t get the minutes required for him to out score Bergeron for an entire series.  It also wouldn’t surprise me if Seguin takes a few shifts from Ryder as well.  Take Bergeron.

I am just dominating Costa Rica.  They will be done in no time.  Pretty soon this will all be mine…

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NHL Finals Preview

The Stanley Cup Finals are almost here.  The Vancouver Canucks haven’t won the Stanley Cup in their 40 years of being an NHL franchise and the Boston Bruins haven’t won the Cup since Bobby Orr lifted it in 1972.  One of these teams will end a long draught, and the Vancouver Canucks are the heavy favorite.  The series will ultimately come down a few key matchups and situations. 

Chara vs The Sedins

Both the Sedins and Chara have had their fair share of playoff woes.  This year has been different for Chara though.  Since recovering from an illness against the Montreal Canadiens, Chara has been in Norris Trophy form.  He has been the anchor of the Boston Bruins defense and did an admirable job against the Tampa Bay Lightning’s top scorers St. Louis, Lecavalier, and Stamkos.  The Sedins have largely struggled in the playoffs again this season.  Dave Bolland’s return mid way through round one caused a scoring draught that lasted through the second round series against Nashville.  Once the Sedins were clear of players like Bolland, Keith, Seabrook, Shea Weber, and Ryan Suter, they enjoyed more success.  Chara is on top of his game right now and an absolute beast of a man.  He will punish the Sedin Sisters and shut them down for the majority of the series. Advantage: Boston

Tim Thomas vs Roberto Luongo

One is an all-american underdog success story.  The other is a mentally weak, french Canadian grease ball.  Luongo has a history of epic collapses in the post-season and was even benched for Game 6 in the Chicago series after getting lit up in games 4 and 5.  Luongo will most likely have at least one game where he is shaky and that could be the difference in a tightly contested series.  Tim Thomas had arguably the greatest season ever by a goalie and should a unanimous selection for the Vezina Trophy.  He must out play Luongo for the Bruins to win the series.  Advantage: Boston

Special Teams:

This could be the deciding factor for the series.  The Vancouver Canucks power-play and penalty kill have had great success throughout the regular season and playoffs. The Bruins special teams have been awful.  Their penalty kill rate should probably have been better, but Tim Thomas has let in the occasional ill-timed soft goal.  The Bruins’ powerplay is converting at a horrendous 8% in the playoffs.  They are so desperate that have moved Chara in front of the net.  While I am not an advocate of taking Chara’s bomb of a slapshot off out of the equation, Luongo has had difficulty in the past dealing with over-sized bodies at the top of his crease. Advantage: Vancouver

X-Factors

Ryan Kesler is the key to the series for the Canucks.  I can easily envision Kesler exploding offensively against Boston, much the same way he did against Nashville. He won’t have as difficult of a task in this series.  Boston has great depth, but they don’t possess an elite offensive player like Toews or Joe Thornton that will occupy Kesler’s attention.  Given more freedom, Kesler could be a force at both ends and win the Conn Smythe Trophy

Tyler Seguin.  Seguin needs to make plays in this series for Boston to win.  The Canucks like to play a more open style which could create opportunities for Boston’s most talented player.  Seguin is the only Bruin capable of creating an opportunity out of thin air, and if Claude Julien allows him to get more than 5 minutes a game, Seguin could make enough special plays to give Boston an edge.

Final Analysis:

My heart says Bruins, my head says Canucks, and my balls say Bruins.  Usually when my balls and heart agree it’s a recipe for disaster…but I don’t care.  Bruins in 7. Suck it Canada.

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Does This Look Like the Face of the Key to the NBA Finals?

Call me crazy, but I am pretty sure Chris Bosh is an Avatar.  This side by side shows his true identity. Humans don’t have necks like that.  Alien or not, he will play a huge role in this series.  The renewed fake toughness he gained from beating the Chicago Bulls should serve him well when going up against Dirk Nowitzki and Tyson Chandler.

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Lock of the Century: NBA Finals Game 1

Dallas Mavericks +4.5 @ Miami Heat -4.5

Dallas Mavericks +170 @ Miami Heat -200

This game and this series is another example of my gift being my curse.  I hate Miami.  I want them to lose.  However, there is no way Dallas can win this series.  They don’t play good enough defense to stop Miami’s Big 3.  I think Dwayne Wade in particular will have a great series.  I am sure Dallas will try and run several different players at him, but he presents huge match up problems for all of Dallas’ guards.  Give me Miami -4.5.  The money line isn’t all that attractive at -200, but a win is a win is a win.

For the first time in the history of Locks of the Century I am bringing out prop bet picks.  NBA season is almost over, but my quest to take down Costa Rica has only just begun.  There are two prop bets that are low hanging fruit. 

Total 3pointers made in the game is at 13.5.  Dallas loves to jack up threes and they have several players that shoot a high percentage.  Miami will also be able to use their small lineup a lot in this series which means more minutes and touches for James Jones who is an ace from the outside.  I am taking the over.  I’d like this bet at 15. 

The other prop bet is a total assists+rebounds for Lebron James and the line is 14.  Umm…yes please! Lebron James is on another planet right now.  Scottie Pippen thinks he is better than Michael Jordan.  Lebron will be counted on to get more rebounds in this series because Miami will most likely use their small lineup often in this series.  He is also the best passing forward in the league today, and probably the second best ever behind Larry Bird.  Lebron James could approach this line of 14 by halftime. 

So there you have it, Citizens.  Four bets…four winners.  Dallas may not get swept, but Costa Rica sure will.  The entire country will be mine in no time.  Hey…how about one more just to prove a point…take the under on total points. 

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Lock of the Century: NBA Exact Series Pick

Miami Heat-4 Dallas Mavericks-1 +700

Miami has won every single series in 5 games and I think that trend continues in the NBA Finals.  Of all the prices available, this seems like the best bet.  Dallas probably gets one game at home in a game where Dirk shoots the lights out, but that’s it.  Miami has the advantage at basically every position on the floor.  I hate making this pick on Memorial Day because it feels very un-American to have the Heat win the NBA championship, but I am here to pick winners.  The only thing less American than the Heat winning a title, is me losing my battle against Costa Rica. Sometimes, in war, you do things that you aren’t proud of…this is one of those moments.   Great run to the finals by Dallas, but unfortunately Miami and their fake fans will get to celebrate again.  Miami in 5 Games.

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Lock of the Century: MLB picks of the Day

The NHL and the NBA are almost over and if I am going to take down all of Costa Rica with my gambling picks then I am going to have to rely on a different weapon in my arsenal.  Baseball season is now upon and Chicago unfortunately will give up two locks today. 

Houston Astros +125 @ Chicago Cubs -135

Look, I know the Astros are terrible.  One of the worst teams in the league, and full disclosure…I have never heard of this guy they have pitching today.  However, I have heard of the guy the Cubs are sending out to the bump today.  Rodrigo Lopez.  The guy is awful.  They just signed him off the street.  This is a case of going with the devil you don’t know instead of the devil you know.  The Cubs also won yesterday, I don’t think they have put together back to back wins all year.  I am taking the road underdog.

Chicago White Sox +170 @ Boston Red Sox -200

The White Sox are just plain awful.  Ozzie Guillen seems more crazy than normal lately.  The Red Sox may be a little fatigued since they played a double-header yesterday, but they are throwing Jon Lester out there today.  Lester is a dominant lefty and the White Sox are going to get shut down.  The Red Sox are who we thought they were when they signed Carl Crawford and Adrian Gonzalez in the offseason.  If the White Sox are going to win a game in this series, it could be today…but they wont and that’s why it’s a lock of the century. 

So there you have it Costa Rica.  No NBA, no NHL, no problem. 

Future First Lady of Costa Rica:

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Qatar Bought the 2022 World Cup…You’re Kidding?

A few months ago, to the surprise of people across the world, Qatar was awarded the 2022 World Cup. I have been told Qatar is a tiny little country over in the middle east somewhere with like one airport, one stadium, no hotels, and crap load of oil. So even though the country has no infrastructure, no place to play the games, no way to get people in to Qatar to watch the games, and it is hot as balls when the World Cup will be played, Qatar still beat out bids from Australia, England, Japan, and the United States. 

To the surprise of nobody, there is a story breaking now that some guy named bin Hamman got bribed and that’s how Qatar is hosting the World Cup.  This was making perfect sense until some of the numbers started getting leaked out.  Each person on the committee got paid $40k to vote for Qatar.  That seems ridiculously low.  Qatar has an unreal amount of oil wealth.  I am pretty sure they just leave Bentleys on the side of the road when they run out of gas.  Yet these people are saying they only got $40k each?  They got robbed.  Wise up FIFA.  If you’re going to sell your soul, do it for more than $40k.

Does this look like the face of a guy who wants the World Cup in an Arab country? 

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Ohio State’s attempt to join the SEC ends with Tressel’s Resignation

The Ohio State University gave it their best shot, but at the end of the day they just weren’t corrupt enough to become the 13th member of the Southeastern Conference.  I mean what else could they have done?  Players were getting cars for free, selling memorabilia to tatoo artists and drug dealers, the coaches then tried to cover it up.  Improper benefits…check.  Running in circles with criminals…check.  Coaching staff lying to cover it up…check. What more could the SEC ask for?

Also, this is the kid who wrote the final story that did in Tressel.  Obviously he is a virgin and he is going to stay that way now.  He has got to be the most hated guy on campus.

NHL Finals: “If I can change, and you can change, EVERYBODY CAN CHANGE!!!”

Boston +200 vs Vancouver -240

Full disclosure, I have been rooting against the Boston Bruins all season, and all playoffs long.  Most of my hockey friends are die-hard Boston Bruin fans and I just don’t want to give them the satisfaction of winning the Stanley Cup.  Its going to be a miserable year if they talk half as much shit as I did after the Chicago Blackhawks won the Cup.  I also never really respected the Bruins.  I see them as a team devoid of high-end skill and superstar players. Chara is their best player, other than goalie Tim Thomas, and its hard to root for the NHL equivalent of Ivan Drago. Chara always seems to wilt in big moments, and I think that Tim Thomas covers a lot of their defensive deficiencies.  However, after watching these playoffs, I have grown to respect the Boston Bruins. They are so deep, especially at the center position.  Bergeron, Krejci, Kelly, and Campbell is as good of a group of centers as there is in the league. Then they also have Peverly and young phenom Tyler Seguin who are natural centers, but play the wing for Boston.  They are real blue-collar team who just tries to get in and out work the opposition with their fore-check.

Now that they have disposed of yet another team that I thought was more talented than the Bruins, I am left in a position of pulling for a “likeable” team against the team I hate most in the league.  Chicago needs Boston to save us from a Vancouver Stanley Cup.  So, here I am Boston, ready to apologize for hating and ready to jump on the bandwagon.  “If I can change, and you can change…EVERYBODY CAN CHANGE!!!” Go Bruins!

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PS: If Boston loses to Vancouver I will hate them forever for allowing that to happen.

PPS: The Blackhawks are really better than both of these teams. One more game out of Bolland and the Hawks probably beat Vancouver in 6 games and continue on to win the Stanley Cup.

Lock of the Century: NHL Edition

Tampa Bay +140 @ Boston -160

Over/Under 5.5 Goals

Ho-hum another lock of the century pick that I am going nail.  I am honestly starting to get board with this whole bankrupting Costa Rica thing.  But when they spit lines out like this I am left with no choice but to rob them blind.  Tampa Bay is the underdog simply because they are the road team.  Which is some dumb.  Tampa Bay has proven that they can win in Boston and this series would be over already if Tim Thomas didn’t steal Game 5.  Tampa Bay has dominated the past two games and I expect their elite forwards Stamkos, Lecavalier, and St. Louis to continue capitalize on powerplay chances.  Special teams have given Tampa Bay a sizeable advantage all series and there is no reason to believe anything will change tonight.

The other half of this equation is over/under line set at 5.5.  Are you kidding me?  Is Costa Rica waving the white flag on this one?  These two teams have been solid defensively this year on the surface, but they each have been bitten by a their major flaw in this series.  Tampa Bay hasn’t gotten the quality of goaltending they enjoyed in the second half of the season.  While Boston has continued to give up a ton of shots.  Tim Thomas has largely masked this defensive issue with his spectacular play, but when facing quality snipers, like the ones employed by the Lightning, giving up a ton of shots isn’t a formula for success.  Give me the OVER and start looking up flights to Costa Rica.