Posts Tagged ‘Russia’

Russia Just Made The Ballsiest Monopoly Move Ever

August 19, 2011 Leave a comment

(Newser)–A mere million bucks will soon earn you five days in a futuristic hotel, as long as you enjoy traveling at 17,500 miles an hour and having stellar views of planet Earth. The nimbly titled Commercial Space Station, designed by a Russian company, is the latest in a series of private sector plans to lure millionaires into casual space travel. It includes gourmet foods, a space-age shower, and choice of horizontal or vertical bed. Booze, however, is a no-no, notes International Business Times. Mashable can’t help wondering whether the $1 million price tag is realistic, considering that the US and Russia recently agreed that a round-trip to outer space on a Soyuz rocket would gobble up $51 million. If Commercial Space Station proves too costly when it premieres in 2016, you can always aim for one of the nine other private space journeys currently in the works.


A MILLION DOLLARS IF YOU LAND ON THE RUSSIAN SPACE HOTEL!?!?!  God damn it, that’s a game changer if I have ever heard one. That makes owning hotels on Park Place and Boardwalk look like renting a basement studio on Baltic Avenue. I don’t think anybody saw this move coming when America forfeited the Space station to Russia a few months ago.  We are going to have to mortgage everything just to stay in the game. Shrewd move Putin, very shrewd.



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I NEED a flying car…just not this junker.

August 19, 2011 1 comment

(Russia)–A flying car is, among other things, the perfect solution to the often expensive irritant of finding a parking space at airports. But where some attempts at realising the science fiction staple have been pretty hi-tech affairs, this one is a little more budget. The ‘V. Bulgakov’ is the work of former pilot Valery Bulgakov, 72, and though it looks rather cobbled together it does actually fly – albeit not very high or far.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA, that’s the best flying car you got Russia?  Really?  That thing sucks.  Takes off at 60mph, gets a total altitude of 10 feet, and only can stay in the air for a max 600ft, that’s pathetic.  I need a flying car to get me through rush hour traffic on the Kennedy, this piece of shit can’t even help me avoid the tolls.  Good luck getting someone to pay $194,000 for that junker.  What a bunch of commie morons. And hey Russia, America already conceptualized a flying car.  Its called the Delorian…ever heard of it?  It flies and you can travel through time…and it doesn’t look like junkyard shit.  This makes me feel so much better about the new cold war.  Putin has been kicking our ass six ways from Sunday, but we totally won the flying car competition.


PS: You know Putin threw this guy in a Siberian Gulag before you could say KGB.  Putin can’t have people embarassing the motherland like this.

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Coolest Dog Ever!!!

August 12, 2011 Leave a comment

For about 90 seconds of this video I forgot all about the troubles in the world.  I was just enjoying watching this ninja dog do things a cat would be too pussy(PUN) to even dream of.  Then guess what…turns out this dog is Russian.  Obama is just soaking up the sun, chilling on the beach in his mom jeans at Martha’s Vineyard right now, and he has NO IDEA Vlad Putin has dogs that can infiltrate Fort Knox right.  In case you guys didn’t notice, the Cold War is back.

PS: I don’t think this is the first time Russia has used kick ass dogs to do counter-intelligence work against the United States.  I am like 99% sure Clifford The Big Red Dog was 100% KGB.  That dog was everywhere when I was kid, then the Berlin wall comes down, USSR falls apart, and suddenly he’s gone.  He and that little minx Emily Elizabeth(if that’s her real name) got out of here before we figured out what was actually going on.

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Soccer Pussies

June 24, 2011 1 comment

RussiaThe Brazil legend had helped his team Anzhi Makhachkala build a 3-0 lead over Krylya Sovetov in midweek when a banana was thrown at him from the stands. An emotional Carlos stopped playing and tossed the banana to the side of the pitch before heading for the touchline.Fighting tears and an appeal from the referee, he refused to continue playing and sat on the bench with his team-mates. Speaking after the game, he said: “I’m outraged by the sickening behavior of this fan, who, in fact, insulted not only me but all the players.”I hope the Russian federation, UEFA and FIFA will give an adequate evaluation to this disgusting incident.”

This is exactly why nobody respects soccer players.  Some drunk fan says something mean and throws a banana at you and quit and cry? What a joke.  Hey Roberto, its called home field advantage you pussy, ever heard of it?  Kind of comes with the territory.  That guy nailed you, he nailed you right in your mind.  The Russian Federation will give this an adequate evaluation alright. Putin is going to give that guy a medal and send him on vacation to the Hot Girl Army camp as a big thank you.  Soccer players have to be the biggest pussies in sports.  Diving, crying, quitting, just totally pathetic.

Here is how Roberto Carlos should handle that situation.

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