Posts Tagged ‘Putin’

Vladdy Putin has a dirty back-hand. Goes roofy daddy in Shoot-out

May 10, 2012 Leave a comment


Our guy is catering to gays so he can get elected.  Their guy is stealing elections and going top ched.  You tell me who the leader of the world is.


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Iran building nukes? Pfft who cares? Russia is training Ninja Bears

March 8, 2012 Leave a comment

You hear that Obama? Ninja Bears.  Now the whole country is in jeopardy.  Everyone is all freaked out about Iran getting nukes, this fucking sicko Kony guy, and Mexican drug lords and shit when Vlady Putin is just ignoring term limits, rigging elections, making a hot girl army, and training a squadron of Ninja Bears.  I watched the National Geographic show about Putin last week and the guy is downright diabolical.  He wanted the candidate he supported to win the Presidency of Ukraine.  When it became apparent that his guy was going to lose leading up the election, Putin just poisoned the other candidate right in everyone’s face.

That before and after poison shots was taken two weeks apart.   The guy lived somehow and looking ugly as shit, he continued his campaign.  So…Putin just stole the entire election.  So yeah, there are a lot of problems out there but the very last guy I want to tangle with is Putin.  We’ll be working in gulags so fast it’ll make your head spin.

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October 4, 2011 2 comments


(MOSCOW)–Russia’s Prime Minister Vladimir Putin said he wants to bring ex-Soviet states into a “Eurasian Union” in an article which outlined his first foreign policy initiative as he prepares to return to the Kremlin as the country’s next president. Putin said the new union would build on an existing Customs Union with Belarus and Kazakhstan which from next year will remove all barriers to trade, capital and labor movement between the three countries.”We are not going to stop there and are setting an ambitious goal — to achieve an even higher integration level in the Eurasian Union,” Putin wrote in an article which will be published in Izvestia newspaper on October 4. Putin said last month he would run in the March 2012 presidential election and his current public approval ratings show that he is set to win. Putin’s initiative comes as Russia nears the end of its 18-year-old negotiations to join the World Trade Organization. In the article Putin made no secret of his skepticism about the global trade watchdog. “The process of finding new post-crisis global development models is moving forward with difficulty. For example, the Doha round (of international trade talks) has practically stopped. There are objective difficulties inside the WTO,” he wrote. In 2009, Putin threw Russia’s bid to join the WTO into disarray, saying Russia would instead form the Customs Union with Belarus and Kazakhstan. The new initiative will have to be explained to WTO members.

WRONG CROSSROADS. Putin, who once called the collapse of the USSR in 1991 “the greatest geopolitical catastrophe of the 20th century,” said his new project would not resemble the Soviet Union.”It would be naive to attempt to restore or copy something from the past. However, a stronger integration on a new political and economic basis and a new system of values is an imperative of our era,” Putin wrote. Russia’s relationship with its ex-Soviet neighbors has been troubled by trade and political disputes and even armed conflicts such as the 2008 war with Georgia. Putin said he saw the new union as a supra-national body which would coordinate “economic and currency policy” between its members. It would also be open to new members.

Well shit!!! ITS ON now Putin.  You can hunt whales and tigers, slay hot Russian sluts, race F-1 cars, fly fighter jets, and pronounce yourself King of Russia until the cows come home, but reforming the Soviet Union crosses the line.  What he doesn’t realize is that he just saved America.  Everyone needs somebody to hate.  Somebody to challenge them.  USA has been dominating the shit out of the world since 1980 and now look at us.  Just a nation of weaklings throwing temper tantrums on Wall St for no reason. Putin reforming the USSR is just the wake up call America needed. I am so pumped for Cold War II it’s not even funny.  I actually never missed a beat. I have hated Russian hockey players my entire life.  The next winter Olympics are in Russia.  Patrick Kane and Zach Parise will just galvanize the entire country.  Patriotism is BACK. Shape up or ship out hipsters.  If you want to be a marxist, Leninist, socialist, or anything else besides an American you’ve got some options over in Europe.  These colors don’t run.  Obama Swag for the win.


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Russia Just Made The Ballsiest Monopoly Move Ever

August 19, 2011 Leave a comment

(Newser)–A mere million bucks will soon earn you five days in a futuristic hotel, as long as you enjoy traveling at 17,500 miles an hour and having stellar views of planet Earth. The nimbly titled Commercial Space Station, designed by a Russian company, is the latest in a series of private sector plans to lure millionaires into casual space travel. It includes gourmet foods, a space-age shower, and choice of horizontal or vertical bed. Booze, however, is a no-no, notes International Business Times. Mashable can’t help wondering whether the $1 million price tag is realistic, considering that the US and Russia recently agreed that a round-trip to outer space on a Soyuz rocket would gobble up $51 million. If Commercial Space Station proves too costly when it premieres in 2016, you can always aim for one of the nine other private space journeys currently in the works.


A MILLION DOLLARS IF YOU LAND ON THE RUSSIAN SPACE HOTEL!?!?!  God damn it, that’s a game changer if I have ever heard one. That makes owning hotels on Park Place and Boardwalk look like renting a basement studio on Baltic Avenue. I don’t think anybody saw this move coming when America forfeited the Space station to Russia a few months ago.  We are going to have to mortgage everything just to stay in the game. Shrewd move Putin, very shrewd.



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I NEED a flying car…just not this junker.

August 19, 2011 1 comment

(Russia)–A flying car is, among other things, the perfect solution to the often expensive irritant of finding a parking space at airports. But where some attempts at realising the science fiction staple have been pretty hi-tech affairs, this one is a little more budget. The ‘V. Bulgakov’ is the work of former pilot Valery Bulgakov, 72, and though it looks rather cobbled together it does actually fly – albeit not very high or far.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA, that’s the best flying car you got Russia?  Really?  That thing sucks.  Takes off at 60mph, gets a total altitude of 10 feet, and only can stay in the air for a max 600ft, that’s pathetic.  I need a flying car to get me through rush hour traffic on the Kennedy, this piece of shit can’t even help me avoid the tolls.  Good luck getting someone to pay $194,000 for that junker.  What a bunch of commie morons. And hey Russia, America already conceptualized a flying car.  Its called the Delorian…ever heard of it?  It flies and you can travel through time…and it doesn’t look like junkyard shit.  This makes me feel so much better about the new cold war.  Putin has been kicking our ass six ways from Sunday, but we totally won the flying car competition.


PS: You know Putin threw this guy in a Siberian Gulag before you could say KGB.  Putin can’t have people embarassing the motherland like this.

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Guy out walking with his dog, confronted by coyote, promptly blows its head off…That guy is running for President

August 15, 2011 Leave a comment

(Austin, Texas) Pistol-packing Texas Gov. Rick Perry has a message for wily coyotes out there: Don’t mess with my dog. Perry told The Associated Press on Tuesday he needed just one shot from the laser-sighted pistol he sometimes carries while jogging to take down a coyote that menaced his puppy during a February run near Austin.Perry said he will carry his .380 Ruger – loaded with hollow-point bullets – when jogging on trails because he is afraid of snakes. He’d also seen coyotes in the undeveloped area. When one came out of the brush toward his daughter’s Labrador retriever, Perry charged. “Don’t attack my dog or you might get shot … if you’re a coyote,” he said Tuesday. Perry, a Republican running for a third full term against Democrat Bill White, is living in a private house in a hilly area southwest of downtown Austin while the Governor’s Mansion is being repaired after a 2008 fire. A concealed handgun permit holder, Perry carries the pistol in a belt.


This story is from back in 2010, but Rick Perry just announced that he is running for President in 2012.  The Republican Texas Governor is basically everything you would expect out of a Texan.  I mean, who doesn’t jog with a laser-sighted pistol…just in case.  The GOP field just got a whole lot more interesting.  Putin can shoot all the sharks, tigers, people, and killer whales he wants…but he should be on notice that Rick Perry could be coming for him. 

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Coolest Dog Ever!!!

August 12, 2011 Leave a comment

For about 90 seconds of this video I forgot all about the troubles in the world.  I was just enjoying watching this ninja dog do things a cat would be too pussy(PUN) to even dream of.  Then guess what…turns out this dog is Russian.  Obama is just soaking up the sun, chilling on the beach in his mom jeans at Martha’s Vineyard right now, and he has NO IDEA Vlad Putin has dogs that can infiltrate Fort Knox right.  In case you guys didn’t notice, the Cold War is back.

PS: I don’t think this is the first time Russia has used kick ass dogs to do counter-intelligence work against the United States.  I am like 99% sure Clifford The Big Red Dog was 100% KGB.  That dog was everywhere when I was kid, then the Berlin wall comes down, USSR falls apart, and suddenly he’s gone.  He and that little minx Emily Elizabeth(if that’s her real name) got out of here before we figured out what was actually going on.

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