Posts Tagged ‘mid 20s dating tips’

Mid 20s Dating Guide: What Yahoo! says about Pets

April 19, 2012 6 comments


This one is for the ladies.  Yahoo did a piece about what a Pet says about a guy. I’ll simplify it for you.

(Yahoo!)–What type of pet a man owns says a lot about who he is and how he lives his life. When you meet someone who has a pet, it’s just not the same as meeting someone who is pet-free. There’s a good chance his pet will affect your dating life – especially if it’s a dog or cat, since those tend to become the center of a person’s life.


Oh, you’ve found a sensitive fella! And he’s not only sensitive, but just loves to send you photos of his cat all day long and post them on Facebook and Twitter. I’m not sure why this is, but guys with cats are prone to such things. Also, although Mitten the Kitten can stand spending a night alone thanks to her litter box, the fact remains that she gets very lonely when her owner isn’t there. This means you’ll be spending most, if not all nights, at his place. Mitten the Kitten needs him! Why can’t you understand that?

If a guy owns a cat…he’s gay.  If he says he likes your cat he is either gay or a liar or both.  Cats suck.


If your guy has a tank full of fish, he just may be low on the emotions, and is probably even “cold as a fish” in bed. Pets are meant to be cuddled, not watched! Sure, maybe he has some sort of allergy to furry pets, but there’s just something weird and “Dr. Evil” to me about a guy who only owns fish as pets.

This broad doesn’t know what she is talking about.  I don’t own fish, I have never owned a fish…but I like the idea of fish.  Not like a goldfish, but like cool exotic fish.  Fish aren’t really a pet.  They are more like decoration.  Like moving art that you have to feed every once in a while.  If the guy you’re seeing has cool fish he is probably some kind of wicked cool, rich, hilarious blogger…at least that’s what will happen when I own fish.


Again, not exactly a pet you can cuddle with, but at least you can pet it and teach it to say things. A fella with a pet parrot is probably the type who’s really impressed with himself. How can you tell? Well he’s taught his parrot to say the same pretentious and cheesy lines he’ll try on you during a first date. Great. The world definitely needs more parrot douchebags who repeat “Hey good-lookin’!” every 10 minutes.

I think Parrot or any bird is a close cousin to the cat in this department.  If a guy owns a parrot he is gay 99 times out of 100.  That other time he probably so desperate and needy that he got himself a parrot to talk to at night.  You should pass on guys that have parrots.


The reason your man would have a pet rabbit is because he never had one when he was a kid, and now that he’s living on his own, he’s going to finally fulfill that dream. The rabbit’s name is probably something like “Rambo“or “Killer” to make up for the fact that he’s a dude who actually owns a fluffy bunny

When I was growing up the kid next door owned rabbits and he was literally psycho.  Just the weirdest kid ever.  Would hide in the bushes and yell like indian war cries or some shit as me and my buddies were playing basketball and sometimes shot arrows into my family’s yard. Like real arrows.  Do you really want to date somebody like that?


Seriously? A grown man with a snake? Does he drive a Camaro and rock a Metallica shirt circa 1986? Oh, you say he wants you to watch him feed a mouse to his snake on your second date? One word: Run. Run. Run

Snakes scare the absolute shit out of me.  They have my entire life.  I am man enough to admit that I have a fear of snakes.  Any guy who owns a snake is just trying to prove how tough he is. 


If he owns a dog, your man is loyal and can actually commit, because owning a dog is as close to having a child as it comes. While other pets can be left for an evening or two, dog ownership doesn’t allow for such behavior. But the major problem here is just how obsessed he is with his dog, because if he lets that puppy sleep in his bed every night, then you better get used to his dog witnessing your sexy times. Some people do not like an audience when they’re about to reach climax.

This chick makes some valid points about guys that own dogs.  Guys that own dogs are obviously the best, but guys that are obsessed with their dogs are weird.  Might as well be cat people.  What you want is a guy who has dogs that he outwardly hates, but sneaky loves them.  The kind of guy who complains about the dogs all the time, but then when one of them ran away he had a minor heart attack until some nice woman returned him.  You want the guy who would never dream of letting the dog sleep in the bed, or even the same room…but loves using them as foot rest while watching TV at night.  Hmm..where could you girls find someone like that…


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Mid 20s Guide To Dating: How to play games…literally

February 15, 2012 Leave a comment

(Omaha)–Bingo! Kaleb Michaud found his passion for European board games after playing The Settlers of Catan with a college friend who worked for a games magazine. Balderdash! Although that game and others like it were plentiful abroad, he had trouble finding them here. But was it a Trivial Pursuit? Definitely not. The games are challenging, easy to learn and fun. They offer a chance for friends, including families with children, to get together socially without doing the bar scene. And these games generally don’t take forever to finish. By dogged determination, Michaud (pronounced “mish you”) scoured the Internet and game stores. Over time, he has amassed 1,500 board games — make that 1,504, since last weekend — to fill the shelves of a large entry closet and a small room in the basement of his Dundee home. Michaud, 37, is single with a cat named Qbert, who demands a certain amount of attention. But Michaud, who is somewhat allergic to cats, keeps her out of the carpeted game storage room.

Umm…really bro? Board games, that’s your thing?  Kaleb Michaud, I’ve got news for you….nobody ever got laid by living alone with a cat named Qbert with a closet full of 1500 board games.  Wake up buddy.  This isn’t the 20th century anymore.  If you ever want to play doctor with a girl, you need to stop playing Operation.  The game you need to be playing is Words With Friends.

(Wall St Journal)–Last summer, Kyla Smith spelled S-E-X-Y in Words With Friends, an online Scrabble-like app on her phone. It won her more than just 13 points—it won her love. Stephen Monahan met Britney Hilbun by clicking ‘random opponent’ last year. Eventually her opponent, Charles Briggs, became her boyfriend. Up to that point, the two hadn’t met in person. She lived in Texas, he lived in Arkansas. They met through the “random opponent” feature of Words With Friends, which matches up anonymous players. The game is played by nearly 20 million people a month on Facebook, and countless more on smartphones. Players take turns moving letter tiles on a virtual board, trying to rack up points by spelling out words. For Ms. Smith, her flirty word was a joke. But Mr. Briggs says it showed him that they shared more than an affection for spelling. While playing Words With Friends with her, he says, “There was that little spark.” He thought: “This girl is pretty awesome.” In Scrabble-speak, you might call it a double word score: Since launching in 2009, Zynga Inc.’s Words With Friends has transformed at least a few lovers of words into lovebirds.

Now that’s how it’s done.  Random play indeed.  Chucky Briggs just dropping s-e-x-y points and bringing home a blue-eyed blonde.  Out kicking his coverage big time.  Now I don’t want to be mean to Chuck, but his breasts are bigger than his fiance’s.  Normally for a guy like Chuck to out-kick his coverage like that he’d have to be a) hilarious b) rich or c) the chick is Russian.  Not the case here.  Chuck is just your average, over-weight American male who snagged a babe because his Words With Friends game was tight.  Just maximizing that chat feature and showing off his lexicon.  That is how you play games.


PS: Invalid tile placement on that on that proposal


PPS: How many random games do you think I have played since I read this story?


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Mid 20s Dating Guide: Chicks trying to get you wifed up

September 20, 2011 1 comment


Stay strong bro, stay strong.  The kid is right…this girl can’t yell at him because she isn’t the boss…but the second you get married…she 100% is the boss.  I mean, I wouldn’t want to marry this chick either. I mean this is how she is before the marriage, imagine what she is going to be like once this guy is all locked up.  This is the danger of Mid 20s dating.  You date a girl for a few months and next thing you know you are over at her house and she has wedding magazines all over the coffee table with pages marked.  Obviously the first instinct here would be to run…but then you realize you’ll have to go without regular sex. So you pretend that you can avoid the whole situation and press the ejector button at the last second.  Which is nearly impossible.  So a  few more months go by and your girl has worn you down to the point where you’ll do anything to stop that yelling and nagging. Before you know…you are standing at the altar wondering where you went wrong.  It’s too late at that point though. You’re done.  Which is why I have so much respect for this kid.  He flat out refused to hear about marriage. He wouldn’t even look at her. He even tried to get his mom to reason with this broad.  So he went with the big guns.  The old Costanza move. He turned on the water works.  Good move guy.  Good move.


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Mid 20s Dating Guide: Girls That Are Undateable UPDATE

July 14, 2011 2 comments

So a couple weeks ago I did a blog post about girls that are “undateable”.  Number two on the list was girls with cats.  I said the following: She Has a Cat, and that Cat has a Human name — Full disclosure, I hate cats.  They are like the worst possible pet.  I feel like cats think they are better than everyone.  They are like that teenager with a bad attitude.  Just chatting on their cell phone, telling their parents how much they hate them and then the next minute is turning around and asking for money.  Cats are leaving home as soon as they turn 18 and they are never coming back.  I feel like girls with cats and especially girls with cats that have human names are starved for affection and need something to hold on to at night until they lock down a guy. Any girl who can love a cat is probably wicked clingy.

Well it turns out girls with cats are now dateable.  I guess you can easily just turn cats off.


“Oh hey, you have a cat? Yeah that’s totally cool.” Then I would just paperclip its back and throw it under the couch or something.  Problem solved. An entire demographic of girls is back on the market.


PS: What actually happens when the cat is deactivated? Is it like in a coma or is it just paralyzed? Basically what I want to know is if the cat is aware that I just turned it off.  I want the cat to know that I can totally turn it into a vegetable anytime I feel like it.  Maybe if cats knew that they wouldn’t be such arrogant sons of bitches.

PPS: Now that Girls with cats are cool, I want to replace them on the undateable girls list with “girls that are really into horoscopes and shit”.  Look, that’s fun or whatever, but just because Venus is lined up with Mars and the moon is somewhere in the sky doesn’t mean that we are in love.

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