So a couple weeks ago I did a blog post about girls that are “undateable”. Number two on the list was girls with cats. I said the following: She Has a Cat, and that Cat has a Human name — Full disclosure, I hate cats. They are like the worst possible pet. I feel like cats think they are better than everyone. They are like that teenager with a bad attitude. Just chatting on their cell phone, telling their parents how much they hate them and then the next minute is turning around and asking for money. Cats are leaving home as soon as they turn 18 and they are never coming back. I feel like girls with cats and especially girls with cats that have human names are starved for affection and need something to hold on to at night until they lock down a guy. Any girl who can love a cat is probably wicked clingy.
Well it turns out girls with cats are now dateable. I guess you can easily just turn cats off.
“Oh hey, you have a cat? Yeah that’s totally cool.” Then I would just paperclip its back and throw it under the couch or something. Problem solved. An entire demographic of girls is back on the market.
PS: What actually happens when the cat is deactivated? Is it like in a coma or is it just paralyzed? Basically what I want to know is if the cat is aware that I just turned it off. I want the cat to know that I can totally turn it into a vegetable anytime I feel like it. Maybe if cats knew that they wouldn’t be such arrogant sons of bitches.
PPS: Now that Girls with cats are cool, I want to replace them on the undateable girls list with “girls that are really into horoscopes and shit”. Look, that’s fun or whatever, but just because Venus is lined up with Mars and the moon is somewhere in the sky doesn’t mean that we are in love.