This Marian Hossa thing just keeps getting crazier

(Chicago Tribune)–A man from Burr Ridge is accused of sending threatening emails to the president and owner of the Chicago Blackhawks and the former general manager of the Chicago Cubs, accusing them of “stealing his ideas” to win championships, police said.  Emanuel Kuvakos, 56, was arrested Tuesday night and charged with three counts of misdemeanor harassment by electronic means, police said.  Kuvakos sent “a number’’ of emails to Blackhawks CEO John McDonough and to Jim Hendry, the former general manager of the Chicago Cubs, that accused them of “stealing his ideas to win championships,’’ according to a police report. On Saturday, he sent them another email stating that he would keep the Blackhawks from winning the Stanley Cup, police said.  While being interviewed by authorities, he claimed he also sent a message to Rocky Wirtz, the Blackhawks owner, saying that if he ever saw Wirtz, he would beat him, according to the police report. Kuvakos, whose nickname is “Mike,” said during a telephone interview with the Chicago Tribune that he has been a freelance sportswriter for 30 years, and claimed he is a sports psychologist and “savant” who works for the Blackhawks, White Sox and the Cubs. Kuvakos denied the messages he sent accused officials of stealing his championship-winning ideas and claimed the police arrested him because of what “he knows’’ about the Blackhawks.”Police wouldn’t be responding if I wasn’t as important as I’m telling you,’’ he said. Shortly before hanging up on a reporter, he said he was becoming suspicious and asked if the interview was “set up” by the Chicago Police.

Son of a bitch!!! This thing is bigger than I thought.  I can’t even really begin to grasp a conspiracy this enormous.  All along this guy Emanuel “Mike” Kuvakos was giving the Blackhawks the secrets to winning the Stanley Cup.  Just told Rocky Wirtz to kill his old man. Told Tallon to  draft Toews, Kane, Seabrook, Keith, Byfuglien, Bolland, and Burish. Told him sign Brian Campbell, Hossa, and Niemi. Told him to trade for Versteeg and Ladd.  I mean that’s effing gold strategies for winning the Cup.  It worked.  Then the Blackhawks thought people would get wise if they were dominant for too long so they fired Dale Tallon and broke up the team.  They blamed it on the Salary Cap, but really it was to clean up all the loose ends of a massive conspiracy.  Somewhere along the way the Blackhawks made the mistake of pissing off “Mike”.  Maybe they didn’t give him a Stanley Cup ring. Maybe they fired him, who knows?  Whatever it was, it was bad enough to turn him against his hometown team.  This year he is sitting back watching the Blackhawks start moving towards another Stanley Cup run using the plan he created, but didn’t get any sort of compensation or even a thank you.  This bro flat-out tells the Hawks that he is going to prevent them from winning the Cup…then bang…Shaw gets a ridiculous suspension and Torres knocks out Hossa.  Did Kuvakos tell Gary Bettman all of the Blackhawks secrets?  Did Bettman order the kill shot on Hossa?  I mean I am sure Betman would be furious if he found out the Blackhawks were stealing secret strategies guaranteeing them a Stanley Cup.  So he sent his best assassine on the league owned Phoenix Coyotes to murder one of the Blackhawks superstars.  Stop the Hawks. Save the Coyotes. Torres is Oswald, Shanahan is Jack Ruby, Hossa is JFK, Kuvakos is Ferrie, I am Costner, and Bettman is the man behind it all pulling the strings.

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