Posts Tagged ‘drunk math’

WSJ tries to use math to show people that they are drunk…DUMB

August 12, 2011 Leave a comment

(WSJ)–How much alcohol does it take to get intoxicated? Many people figure a few beers at a ballgame or a couple of glasses of wine with dinner won’t put them over the legal limit for driving. But how alcohol affects people is highly individual, with a number of factors in the mix. Quick shots of liquor hit the bloodstream faster than slow sips of wine. Drinking on an empty stomach impairs reflexes more than consuming alcohol with food. And women and older drinkers generally hit legal intoxication levels sooner than men and younger people. Carbonated beverages raise alcohol levels faster, because the gas irritates the stomach lining, causing alcohol to be absorbed faster. (Sweet or caffeinated alcoholic drinks aren’t absorbed any faster, it just seems that way because people often consume more of them than they realize.)

I like the Wall St Journal and everything, but this has to be dumbest/most obvious article ever written.  Any college freshman could have told you that putting back shots gets you more hammered than sipping wine or that drinking without eating will get you drunk quicker.  Did they really need a whole investigative study to show that big fat guys can handle their booze better than petite chicks?  This is stuff people learn through experience.  And what the hell am I supposed to do with all these equations, walk around with a calculator?  The only time I hate math more than when I am sober is when I am drunk.  There is already way too much math involved at the bar.  Like if I have $40 in my hand, Miller Lites are $4, there are $5 ‘you call it’ vodka drinks, and Guinness is $7…what percent chance do I have of getting the busty blonde bartender’s phone number?  Now…when I am sober I know the answer to that question is always 0%.  Yet, I get that equation wrong all the time when I am drunk and that $40 goes right into the hot bartender’s purse.

Moral of the story is that math isn’t going to get drunks anywhere.  I know I am drunk when I start to think that I am an awesome dancer and that blonde bartender has been flirting with me all night.

PS: Katie from the study listed at 24 years-old 5’6″ and 110lbs and gets drunk very easily…call me.

follow me @windycitisports

%d bloggers like this: