Home > Internet Sensation > REPORT: Ladies around the world can’t get enough American sperm

REPORT: Ladies around the world can’t get enough American sperm

(The Daily)–America’s hottest new export is made by hand. Demand for American sperm is surging — up by as much as 40 percent in the last five years — as other countries clamor for genetic material with the “Made in America” label. U.S. sperm sales are highest in the United Kingdom, Canada, France, Israel, Australia, Chile, Spain and Sweden, and demand is set to increase even more in the years ahead. “In the last three years, we have shipped to about 60 countries,” said Scott Brown, a spokesman for California Cryobank, the largest sperm bank in the world with $23 million in sales last year. The rapid rise in foreign demand is a result of more liberal attitudes toward marriage and family taking root around the globe, according to Brown.“It’s driven by the social changes — single women and lesbian couples being recognized around the world as people that should be able to have children and raise families,” he said. “That’s something that in the U.S. we’re really ahead of the curve on.” American sperm banks are in a unique position to benefit economically from the trend, boasting a well-developed network of banks, and laws that allow for men to make donations anonymously. And the recent upturn in exports may be just the beginning of even bigger growth for the industry. “There will be an explosion in demand, no pun intended, around the world as other countries become more accepting of the nontraditional family,” Brown said. The U.S. fertility industry as a whole has shot up from $979 million in 1988 to what is predicted to be $4.3 billion in 2013, according to Marketdata. Exactly how many Americans donate sperm every year is unclear, but some reports place the number of anonymous donor-inseminated births at 30,000 annually.

U-S-A, U-S-A!!! This is probably the least surprising news of all time.  No shit foreign chicks dig American guys and want to procreate with us.  I feel like you always hear about how the birth rate in European countries is falling drastically.  Meanwhile America has shows about Teen Moms who couldn’t wait to pump out the next generation.  I mean imagine you’re a French lesbian and you want a baby.  You look around you and all you see is a bunch of flopping coward soccer players wearing Berets and complaining about shit.  French men is probably why you became a lesbian in the first place.  American men have to be every foreign chick’s ultimate fantasy.  We are the bad boy who marches to the beat of our own drum.  We don’t take orders from anybody.  We invent all the best stuff.  We dominate in every sport.  We make every awesome movie.  We make every awesome song.  It’s like we are James Dean, Tom Brady, Indiana Jones, and Justin Timberlake all rolled into one.  Foreign chicks think of their dream man and we can fulfill it.  I just can’t believe I have been giving away/throwing away such a valuable commodity since puberty.  Had I only known that foreign broads were battling for my sperm like it was a TV on Black Friday, I would be a bazillionaire by now.  And I am just one man.  Imagine if American men just banded together and flooded the market with semen.  Spreading American seed to every corner of the Earth.  That’s the kind of renewable resource that could fix the economy.  I mean what broad wouldn’t want their kid to share a gene pool with this…



PS: Miami delenda est


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