Home > Internet Sensation > Did you hear the one about the guy who got his testicle bit by a snake and asked his friend to suck out the venom?

Did you hear the one about the guy who got his testicle bit by a snake and asked his friend to suck out the venom?

(Daily Telegraph)–A BRITISH tourist was bitten “down under” by a killer snake while answering a call of nature in the bush. The reptile sunk its fangs into Jackson Scott’s testicle as he squatted in the dark. But when he begged best mate Roddy Andrews to suck the venom out, his pal refused, reports The Sun. Instead he drove Jackson on a 40-minute life-or-death dash to Hobart where doctors gave him an antidote to the deadly tiger snake poison. Musician Jackson, 29, of Glasgow, said: “I went into the garden at four in the morning after a night in the pub to save flushing the toilet because water is precious in the outback. “Just as I finished and was about to tuck everything safely away, it bit me. I had my pants around my knees when I hobbled into Roddy’s bedroom. My heart was racing and I was hallucinating. “Needless to say, Rod was not of a mind to suck out the poison.”Jackson, starting a year’s working holiday at the remote farm, added: “The doctors and nurses were very professional. They didn’t take the mickey out of me being bitten on my wedding tackle.”

 

First things first…this dude is gay right?  Has to be.  He is British, his name is Musician, and used the phrase “They didn’t take the mickey out of being bitten on my wedding tackle”. Bro, just come out of the closet already.  You don’t need to go through all the trouble of letting a poisoness tiger snake bite your balls just to make a move on your best friend. There’s no use in trying the old “Dude, I’m not gay. That was just the snake venom talking” excuse either because I think I’d rather risk death than have a dude put his mouth on my nuts.  And I think that’s probably the general consensus among all heteros.  Roddy played this awkward situation perfectly.  They say it was 4am after a night at the pub so I am not if Roddy being “not of mind” means he was too drunk to suck out the poison or if “not of mind” is the British way of saying “get the fuck out of here“.  I like the idea of Roddy being like “oh man…I am way too drunk to be sucking snake venom out of your ball sack, but I am not too drunk to drive you 40 miles to the nearest hospital“. Roddy saved his friend’s life, but I the friendship is dead.  Once you cross that line of asking your friend to suck snake venom out of your balls it has to just be awkward after that.

 

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