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Chicago Named Most “Mustache-friendly” City

(TIME)–A good mustache can be hard to find these days. But just because you can grow one (and make every other man jealous) doesn’t mean you should be discriminated against. In fact, it’s just the opposite in Chicago, a city supposedly in love with lip hair. According to the American Mustache Institute (yes, it really exists), the Windy City is the most accommodating to men with lip sweaters. The AMI, who describes themselves as the “world’s leading facial hair think tank and advocacy organization”, ranked the nation’s metro areas on their mustache-friendly tendencies. It’s the least-serious real-life study we’ve ever seen, but their lengthy white paper does raise some important they raise awareness of the perils of the modern mustache. While hairy upper lips are quickly fading due to issues like baldness and decreasing fashionability, the AMI deemed Chicago the most welcoming to mustachioed men, followed by Houston and Pittsburgh.

I think everyone knew this already.  Chicago has been dominating the mustache game for decades.  Mentioning Pittsburgh and Houston in the same article about mustaches is like mentioning Pittsburgh and Houston in the same article with Chicago about…well anything.  Here are the best mustaches in Chicago sports history.
1. Blackhawks Head Coach Joel Quenville:
His mustache is worth about a goal game.  In the off-season Joel Quenville doesn’t trim his mustache, he sharpens it.
2. Former Bears Head Coach Mike Ditka
Ditka made mustaches cool in the 1980s…
3. Former Cubs 1st Baseman Bill Buckner
Reminded of Buckner’s stache on both Curb Your Enthusiasm and that stupid documentary about Steve Bartman “Catching Hell”.  Catching Hell was TERRIBLE.  Buckner had a borderline hall of fame career ruined by one play, but his mustache is first ballot.
4. Cal Naughton Jr
Not sure if Cal Naughton Jr was from Chicago or not, but the actor who plays him, John C. Reilly, is a Chicago guy.
5. Cubs Broadcaster/future manager Bob Brenley
His upper lip looks like the next Chicago sports boss.  Pretty sure every coach that has ever won a championship has had a sweet mustache.
PS: I despise Phil Jackson and his arrogant mustache.  Not pictured because it’s not worth
PPS:  Come on MJ, wtf? A Hitler mustache? Not cool MJ, not cool.
follow me @windycitisports

  1. michaela
    October 7, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    you want me to be your best man? I hate you!

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