Home > Internet Sensation > I NEED This Bullet-stopping African Charm necklace…oh wait…it doesn’t work

I NEED This Bullet-stopping African Charm necklace…oh wait…it doesn’t work

(Africa…of course)–It was a sad end for Yisa Anifowose, the leader of the Odua People’s Congress, OPC, at Shasha, Akowonjo, Lagos State, Southwest Nigeria, when his friend, John Taju, shot him dead while testing the efficacy of his newly acquired bullet-proof charm. The charm could not prevent bullets from penetrating into his body as he reportedly boasted before he was shot. He slumped and died as a result of the injury he sustained during the shooting. His corpse has been deposited at Igando General Hospital, P.M.NEWS for autopsy. The late Anifowose was married and had six children. Anifowose, 54, popularly called Baba Kazeem, was shot in the chest by his friend and member of OPC, Taju, a one-eyed man. The suspect has been arrested.

 

Its been a life long goal of mine never to go to Africa.  Civil wars on the reg, AIDS on the reg, malaria on the reg, soccer on the reg, wild animals on the reg, famine on the reg…just not my idea of a good time.  But after reading this story, I feel like I should move there and make a quick billion selling charms.  I mean this guy Yisa Anifowose is an elected official and was completely sold that his charm made him bullet proof.  Too bad his bullet proof charm’s only kryptonite was bullets.  So if this guy is arguably the smartest guy in his village, who can’t I sell fake charms to?  “Bro, these beads keep sharks out of the rain forest? How do you know it works? Well…you don’t see any sharks in the rain forest do you? I’ll sell it to you for the rights to your oil pipe lines and eight elephants” Then boom…I am a billionaire and I have eight fucking elephants.  How cool would that be? I’d just fleece the entire country, then move back to America.

 

PS: How about the nerve of this dude’s wife? You want the killer of your husband brought to justice? The article said he was begging someone to shoot him and his bullet proof charm.  What did he do wrong? He was just following directions.

 

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