Home > Internet Sensation > Alright, Vampires are getting out of control. Where is the FCC!?!?

Alright, Vampires are getting out of control. Where is the FCC!?!?

(Augusta, Maine) — One of three men charged in a triple-killing in western Massachusetts claimed to be a vampire and Satanist after an assault in which he licked a teenager’s blood in Maine. Caius Veiovis, then known as Roy Gutfinski, served almost 7 1/2 years in prison in Maine for charges including elevated aggravated assault after he and his 16-year-old girlfriend cut a teenager’s back with a razor and kissed as they licked the blood. The 1999 injury required 32 stitches to close. The Kennebec Journal reported Gutfinski claimed to be a vampire and a Satan worshipper. His name was changed while in prison. He’s now one of three men charged in Massachusetts in a triple killing. His lawyer declined comment to The Associated Press during a court hearing Monday.

Alright, I don’t think I have ever seen are scarier “human” in my life.  This guy has killed at least three people and sliced an ex-girlfriend’s back with a razor blade so he could lick her blood.  Oh, and he changed his name from Roy Gutfinski to Caius Veiovis…pretty sure this guy isn’t mentally stable.  Probably should have locked him up the second he decided to change his name to something so scary that I can’t even really pronounce it.

Anyways, its time to start pointing the finger because it seems like there is some psycho getting arrested every week for drinking people’s blood and murdering them and shit.  I am not one who likes to blame Hollywood or society for problems like this, but this is 100% Hollywood’s fault.  Somewhere along the way power people in Hollywood decided that Vampires were going to be the new hotness.  They started making the life of a vampire seem cool as shit.  Your skin sparkles, you party all night long, you can fly, there are naked chicks everywhere(True Blood), and you make millions of dollars.  I mean who wouldn’t want a life like that?  So now because of this we have an influx of Roy Gutinskis running around the country murdering and drinking Bloody Marys with real blood.  You know who the most famous Vampire was when I was a kid…Count von Count from Sesame Street.  All the guy did was live in some dank castle tower alone and count random ass objects until he got to the number of the day.  His life sucked. So guess what…nobody who watched that guy wanted to grow up to be a vampire(or an accountant).  Its time for the FCC to come in and take these shows off the air and bring back Count von Count.  We’d have less terrible movies, less terrible TV, and far less vampire related killings.

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  1. michaela
    September 14, 2011 at 9:01 pm


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