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Drunken Elk Gets Caught In Tree

(Sweden, The Local)–When Per Johansson of Särö, south of Gothenburg, returned home from work on Tuesday it was dark outside and the rain was coming down hard. Suddenly  Johansson heard a bellowing noise from the garden next door.  “I thought at first that someone was having a laugh. Then I went over to take a look and spotted an elk stuck in an apple tree with only one leg left on the ground,” Johansson told The Local. The unfortunate elk was desperately entangled in the tree’s branches and was kicking ferociously as Johansson approached. “I thought it looked pretty bad so I called the police who sent out an on-call hunter. But while we were waiting, the neighbours and I started to saw down some of the branches and then the hunter arrived with a saw as well,” said Johansson. The group tried to make the elk more comfortable but to no avail. It wasn’t until the fire brigade arrived on the scene and managed to bend the tree to the point where the exhausted elk could slide out of the branches that the animal was finally freed. According to Johansson, it looked very much like the elk was severely drunk after eating too many fermenting apples. Drunken elk are common in Sweden during the autumn season when there are plenty of apples lying around on the ground and hanging from branches in Swedish gardens. While the greedy animal was reaching ever higher to reach the delicious but intoxicating fruit, it most likely stumbled into the tree, getting itself hopelessly entangled in the branches. And from what Johansson could gather, this particular animal had been on a day-long bender. “My neighbour recognised it as the animal that almost ran into her car earlier in the day. She was pretty sure the elk was already under the influence,“ said Johansson. When the inebriated elk was freed, it lay for a while on the ground, seemingly unconscious. After emergency services had ascertained that the animal was still alive, Johansson was told to keep an eye on it and call the hunter straight away if it seemed to be suffering. But by the morning the hungover animal had stood up and cautiously moved a few metres away. After a while it went on its way, although Johansson suspects it is still skulking around the neighbourhood. “We often see elk stuffing their faces with apples around here but this is the first time we found one perched in a tree,” he told The Local.

Well, every group of friends has one of these guys.  Just some effing moron who can’t hold his liquor.  The article failed to mention that this elk was effing naked too. What a mess. I get where this guy was coming from though…free alcohol…sign me the hell up.  I’ll crush rotting fermented apples all day long, but I am mixing in bottled waters at basically a 1-for-1 ratio.  Wake up elk!!! Its not freshman year of college anymore.  You need to eat just enough fermented apples to be able to fire on chicks and get out on the dance floor.  It’s a balancing act.  One minute you got a solid buzz going and you are wheeling chicks at the bar, one drink too many and you wake up stuck in a tree with all your clothes missing.

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  1. Dave
    September 7, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    Well, they say drinking alcohol is a good way to stay warm…

  2. michaela
    September 7, 2011 at 10:19 pm

    I wish I had discovered this free way to get hammered like 8 years ago. see, elk’s do serve a purpose.

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