Alright PETA, you guys can have Mars as long as you stop annoying Earth
(Newser)–“The opportunity to colonize Mars means a chance to make a fresh start, especially now that we’ve degraded our own planet by treating our fellow animals like disposable widgets,” opines PETA in its letter. “We can get off on the right foot on our new biosphere by ensuring that SpaceX crafts traveling to Mars are stocked only with vegan food and that Mars’ colonists commit to enjoying an animal-free diet once they’ve arrived. Colonizing Mars can give us the opportunity to learn from our mistakes on one planet and create a just civilization on another.”
Ok, I hate PETA as much as the next guy, but we(sane people everywhere) need to jump on this deal. Just promise them Mars as long as they shut the hell up while they are still on Earth. The key to this negotiation is keeping a straight face. Don’t let them know that you don’t give a shit about Mars. Act like they are asking for your first child or something. The last time I was offered a trade this good, I totally blew it. 4th grade lunch we were trading football cards and this dumbass Lions fan wanted my Scott Mitchell card bad so he offered me this awesome hologram Steve Young card. I was just too eager. I accepted the deal in like .0001 seconds, the kid got wise and backed out. Still regret it. So in this Mars for Earth trade we’re negotiating with PETA we just need to be like “Whoa whoa whoa!!! You want me to promise not to eat and/or kill any of the animals on Mars? C’mon bro, be reasonable. Ugh…alright, you drive a hard bargain…I can’t believe I am agreeing to this, but I guess if you stop annoying the shit out of Earth you can have Mars”. Then at recess you can run and tell your buddies how you totally ripped off those dumbass Mars fans.
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