“Hey Baby, wanna see my Alligator?”

Ford Heights, IL—Cook County Sheriff’s police removed a four-foot alligator from the home of a Ford Heights man who kept the reptile as a pet. Investigators with the Cook County Sheriff’s Office Animal Crimes Unit received a tip that a man was keeping an alligator in confined conditions. Officers went to the residence and found the alligator in a fish tank in the kitchen. Dewayne Yarbrough, 43, is charged with possession of a dangerous animal. He told police he purchased it five years ago in Indiana for $200 and kept it as a pet because it attracted women. Full size alligators are normally 8 to 14 feet in length, but police say Yarbrough only fed his alligator once a month to keep it small. The gator was transferred to Animal Welfare League in Chicago Ridge and will be turned over to Chicago Herpilogical Society.

What was with the News woman at the end of this?  “Who told him women are attracted to alligators?” Hey, do you really think this guy would keep an alligator in his kitchen if it didn’t get him laid? I have been running a dating advice column on here, but I am seriously considering reaching out to Dewayne Yarbrough for advice.  He is 43 and has probably forgotten more about women than I will ever know.  Still bringing the heat, and spicing shit up.  If you are in your 40s, you can’t just rely on having a nice car anymore, and Dewayne gets that.

PS: Dewayne was obviously into some freaky alligator sex.  His pet alligator was turned over to the Herpilogical Society.  Poor little guy.  I didn’t even know alligators could get herpes.

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