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Mid 20s Dating Guide: What Not To Do Volumne One

August 29, 2011 2 comments

(IMMOKALEE) — An Immokalee man is facing a domestic battery charge after authorities say he gave his girlfriend a hair cut — while she slept. David Bustos, 26, of the 700 block of Crestview Circle, was arrested Thursday by Collier County sheriff’s deputies at home. Bustos and his girlfriend got into an argument on Tuesday causing Bustos to leave his girlfriend’s home, according to an arrest report. She told deputies that around 7 a.m. the next morning she awoke in her bed to Bustos shaving her head with an electric hair clipper. He used such force with the clippers that it caused a small cut on her scalp, according to reports. The victim told deputies that she immediately kicked him off of her and he fled the home. Deputies said there were several sections of braided hair lying on the victim’s bed.

 

Ok, so I haven’t done a Mid 20s Dating Guide blog in a while because quite frankly…I am out of material.  I pretty much put everything I know about girls and dating into like three blogs.  I am out of tips on things to do.  I didn’t realize until today that I know way more about what NOT to do.  Some from experience, and some from common sense.  So here is Volume One of probably an infinite part series about what not to do when dating girls.

 

So, if you have a fight with your girlfriend I would say probably the number one thing NOT to do is sneak back into her room at night and buzz off all of her hair.  Yeah, yeah its battery blah blah blah…that’s not the biggest issue at hand here.  Bro…YOU CUT OFF YOUR GIRL’S HAIR!!! Girls with short hair are disgusting, and girls with buzzed heads are even worse.  Exhibit A) Britney Spears.  I put up with all her weight issues, pregnancies, and scarring from her pregnancies because deep down I knew “I’m a Slave For You” Britney Spears was still in there somewhere.  However, the minute she cut all her hair off I checked out forever.  Girls should never ever have their hair shorter than their shoulders.  That’s just the law, or at least it should be.  Now this guy is completely stuck.  He can’t break up with her now. Break up and she is 100% going through with these charges.  If he sweet talks her into giving the relationship another shot…she will drop the charges.  So now this guy is in a relationship with a bald freak.  Back fire of the century.

And if this guy thought his girlfriend got pissed before when he didn’t notice that she made a minor change to her hair, he hasn’t seen anything yet.   Girls pay like $500 every month for some chick to put little blonde streaks in their hair and cut off a half an inch.  This girl will practically be living at the salon trying to salvage something she can leave the house with.  Guess what happens if she walks in and this guy didn’t notice that she changed her hair?  Godzilla times a billion!!!  All around failure by this guy.  I may not know much about dating, but I do know that if you cut a girl’s hair off in the middle of the night…that’s a no-win situation.

 

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Mid 20s Dating Guide: Scripting the First Few Plays

June 23, 2011 4 comments

I normally save the dating blogs for Friday, but this shit is imminent.  I am starting to chase this new girl and I was like pretty much planning on re-using the exact same dates that I had with my last girlfriend.  Every girl that I bounced this idea off of was like “Oh you can’t do that. That’s weird. New girl, new dates. blah blah blah.” The most positive response I got was “I guess that’s ok, but you can never let her find out.”

One girl even suggested that I might be doing it to stage a run-in or recreate memories…ridiculous.  Look, here is the deal…I don’t have a lot of tricks up my sleeve.  I am not like talking about some bar to get a drink or like chain restaurant. The dates I want to re-use are like A+ dates.  I am using them because they worked on the last girlfriend. Like these dates charmed the last girl’s pants off…literally. Why wouldn’t I use them again? It’s all about preparation.  Do you think Tom Brady lights up the NFL just by showing up in time for the kickoff? No chance.  The guy uses past experiences, studies his ass off, creates a game plan, and then lets talent just take over.  He has his first set of plays scripted before the game even starts.  That’s what I am doing here.  Go with what works, then get there and turn on the charm.

All girls are saying that they would be mad/disappointed if they found out.  I think they should really be honored and impressed that I would put in some preparation before the dates.  Even more so, if I know like a house specialty or like the best spot to sit, the date is just going to be more enjoyable.  What do people think? Am I, like usual, so on point that I am revolutionizing how you think about dating and relationships…or, like usual, am I completely delusional?

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