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Death to The U: Miami Hurricanes Scandal

August 26, 2011 2 comments


The Miami Hurricanes have suspended 13 players, including QB Jacory Harris, after Yahoo! released the least shocking college football scandal of all time.  Sorry Miami, suspending your loser QB and 12 other guys cited in the Yahoo! isn’t going to save you.  People are talking about giving Miami Hurricanes the “Death Penalty”.  Miami fans and fans of cheating everywhere are screaming that it’s not Miami’s fault that they have been brazenly cheating since 1983, but it’s really just College Football in general that’s broken.  My official stance on this issue is that if anyone deserves the Death Penalty its Miami.  You can’t have players getting bar tabs, cars, sex parties, abortions, yacht trips, and all kinds of swag paid for and live to tell about it.  I hate the NCAA as much as the next guy.  I’d like to give them the death penalty too, but there’s a difference between paying for a kid’s laundry and paying for head from a stripper. If Miami gets the Death Penalty they have nobody to blame but themselves.

So yeah, outwardly I am a Notre Dame, BigTen, Wing-T, Power-I kinda guy so…fuck Miami…but double secret full disclosure, I sneaky LOVE the Hurricanes and all of their swag.  When Miami is “The U” they move the needle more than anybody.  I don’t want Miami to go away and I don’t want them to become this clean-cut boring ass team that plays by the rules.  I want the 2LiveCrew Miami ESPN’s 30 for 30 documented.  Bad boys who love being bad.  Kicking ass on Saturday afternoon, and getting ass on Saturday night.

Here is the truth though…there is no chance in hell that Miami gets the Death Penalty.  There is just too much money on the line.  The city of Miami is the 13th largest TV market in the country, and Florida has five other cities that rank in the top 65.  The only other school to receive the Death Penalty was SMU back in 1987 and 1988.  25 years later they are still completely irrelevant.  Killing Miami, and effectively closing themselves off from those markets would take money out of the NCAA’s wallet.  There is nothing the NCAA loves more than money.  So Miami’s existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to the NCAA, saves College Football. The NCAA doesn’t want to tell the truth because deep down in places they don’t talk about at parties, they want The U in the BCS, they NEED The U in the BCS.

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