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Scientist proves cats make chicks crazy

February 13, 2012 1 comment

(The Atlantic)–Certainly Flegr’s thinking is jarringly unconventional. Starting in the early 1990s, he began to suspect that a single-celled parasite in the protozoan family was subtly manipulating his personality, causing him to behave in strange, often self-destructive ways. And if it was messing with his mind, he reasoned, it was probably doing the same to others. The parasite, which is excreted by cats in their feces, is called Toxoplasma gondii (T. gondii or Toxo for short) and is the microbe that causes toxoplasmosis—the reason pregnant women are told to avoid cats’ litter boxes. Since the 1920s, doctors have recognized that a woman who becomes infected during pregnancy can transmit the disease to the fetus, in some cases resulting in severe brain damage or death. T. gondii is also a major threat to people with weakened immunity: in the early days of the AIDS epidemic, before good antiretroviral drugs were developed, it was to blame for the dementia that afflicted many patients at the disease’s end stage. Healthy children and adults, however, usually experience nothing worse than brief flu-like symptoms before quickly fighting off the protozoan, which thereafter lies dormant inside brain cells—or at least that’s the standard medical wisdom.  But if Flegr is right, the “latent” parasite may be quietly tweaking the connections between our neurons, changing our response to frightening situations, our trust in others, how outgoing we are, and even our preference for certain scents. And that’s not all. He also believes that the organism contributes to car crashes, suicides, and mental disorders such as schizophrenia. When you add up all the different ways it can harm us, says Flegr, “Toxoplasma might even kill as many people as malaria, or at least a million people a year.” 

To all the crazy single girls with cats out there…its not your fault…its not your fault.  The fact that you have no Valentine’s day plans…it’s not your fault.  You know whose fault it is…YOUR CAT’S.  I have always known that girls with cats were crazy.  I always assumed they were crazy to begin with because they bought a cat.  Turns out they may have been normal, rational, people and the cat made them crazy.  Cats just using biological warfare like you read about.  Cat shit in your house just scrambles chicks’ brains and affects everything about them.  I always knew cats were evil, but I didn’t think they could stoop to this level.  It’s almost impressive in a way.  Act like you don’t give a shit about your owner, scratch them, annoy them, shit in a box, make them clean it, and somehow they still love.  Cat shit must be like Love Potion #9 or something.  I hate cats, but I kinda respect their game now.

 

 

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Mid 20s Dating Guide: Girls That Are Undateable UPDATE

July 14, 2011 2 comments

So a couple weeks ago I did a blog post about girls that are “undateable”.  Number two on the list was girls with cats.  I said the following: She Has a Cat, and that Cat has a Human name — Full disclosure, I hate cats.  They are like the worst possible pet.  I feel like cats think they are better than everyone.  They are like that teenager with a bad attitude.  Just chatting on their cell phone, telling their parents how much they hate them and then the next minute is turning around and asking for money.  Cats are leaving home as soon as they turn 18 and they are never coming back.  I feel like girls with cats and especially girls with cats that have human names are starved for affection and need something to hold on to at night until they lock down a guy. Any girl who can love a cat is probably wicked clingy.

Well it turns out girls with cats are now dateable.  I guess you can easily just turn cats off.

 

“Oh hey, you have a cat? Yeah that’s totally cool.” Then I would just paperclip its back and throw it under the couch or something.  Problem solved. An entire demographic of girls is back on the market.

 

PS: What actually happens when the cat is deactivated? Is it like in a coma or is it just paralyzed? Basically what I want to know is if the cat is aware that I just turned it off.  I want the cat to know that I can totally turn it into a vegetable anytime I feel like it.  Maybe if cats knew that they wouldn’t be such arrogant sons of bitches.

PPS: Now that Girls with cats are cool, I want to replace them on the undateable girls list with “girls that are really into horoscopes and shit”.  Look, that’s fun or whatever, but just because Venus is lined up with Mars and the moon is somewhere in the sky doesn’t mean that we are in love.

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