Posts Tagged ‘funny chicago blog’

Some degenerate gambler smacks Devin Hester at Casino

October 19, 2011 3 comments


(Chicago Tribune)–The man who was arrested at Rivers Casino in Des Plaines after police said he slapped Chicago Bears receiver/returner Devin Hester in the back of the head has apologized. Hester was in a cash transaction line at around 10:40 p.m. Friday when Daniel Rago, 52, approached him, slapped him in the back of the head and walked away, Des Plaines Police Chief Jim Prandini said. Hester notified the casino’s security team and Rago, a Mount Prospect resident, was escorted to a holding area and later arrested by Des Plaines police.Rago told Fox Chicago that he was unaware it was Hester, is a huge Bears fan and knows he was wrong to touch another person. Rago said he thought Hester was trying to cut ahead of elderly people in line. “We were all waiting in line,” Rago said in a Fox Chicago interview. “We were all happy, we won a little bit of money and all of a sudden the gentleman in front of me walked over two tellers to the left. And I said, ‘Excuse me, these two elderly people were in front of you.’ And that person replied, ‘They waved me up.’ And I’m like, ‘No, the next person in line should have went to the left.’ “No response after that so I went over to the left of him and as a father would reprimand a kid — not saying he’s a kid but a young man — and I just gave him a biff on the back of the head, is what I did. And I was wrong for doing that. Nothing justifies another person hitting or touching another person. It’s wrong on my part.” Asked Wednesday at Halas Hall about Rago’s description of the details of the incident, Hester said it was inaccurate but declined to offer any comments about it.
Rago, who is due in court Dec. 1, said he didn’t realize it was Hester until he was released from the holding area and saw Hester’s name on the police complaint. “I said, ‘Oh my gosh, that was Devin Hester,'” said Rago, who attended the Bears’ game Sunday night against the Minnesota Vikings in which Hester scored two touchdowns. “Now I can’t even enjoy a game anymore because of the bad choice I made.” Rago apologized to Hester during the Fox TV interview and offered to donate to a charity in Hester’s honor. “Devin, if you’re listening and if you can see me here, I am so, so sorry,” Rago said. “I made a mistake. I’m the bad guy here, and I apologize. I’m going to ask you right now, I will donate $500 to the charity of your choice and 20 hours of community service on your behalf. I messed up.”


Get a load of this asshole.  So here is basically what happened…Devin Hester was just enjoying a quiet night out at the Casino and was just crushing every table he stepped to.  At the end of the night he went to cash out his huge pile of cash and this jealous, righteous, self-appointed police of the line smacked Devin Hester in the back of the head for going ahead of a sweet old couple that told him it was ok.  Now this guy has the audacity to try and make himself out to be the victim.  Oh boo hoo, I can’t even enjoy the Bears game now because of the guilt I feel, wah wah wah.  Seriously, shut up bro. If you were a real fan you would have realized it was Hester to begin with…you know, the greatest special teams player who ever lived.


PS:  Great self restraint by Devin Hester here.  If that guy had hit someone like say…Jay Cutler, he probably would have sued for getting spit on.
PPS: This guy is such a pussy.  I have never seen a more bitch apology in my life.

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British Gus Johnson calling NCAA Water Skiing Championships

October 19, 2011 Leave a comment



This was FANNNNTASTIC!!! Just killed that play by play.  Other than the long awkward moments of silence, this has got to be one of the best calls in sports history.


PS: So does Ohio State just suck at everything? Because that water ski team pretty much mirrors their football team.



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Dog Plays Piano and he totally sucks

October 19, 2011 Leave a comment

I don’t want to come off as a hater because I can’t even get my dogs to stop eating my dress socks, but this is about the worst song I have ever heard.  You can’t just mash keys and howl along totally out of key and expect me to be impressed.

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October 18, 2011 Leave a comment


Lions are so awesome.  Just the king of the jungle.  Dominating the shit out of dumbass hyenas.  Having a lion that loves you would be about the coolest thing ever.  Probably the only reason to go to Africa is to befriend a Lion.  I’d be real tough if I knew I had a lion in my crew. Look at how ballsy Timon and Pumbaa they met Simba.  I’d be like that times a billion.


PS: I am on record with saying that I HATE cats.  Its true. However, if you think Lions are cats you are a moron.  A normal cat wouldn’t give a shit about the person that saved them.

PPS: I sneaky want to see that Lion King 3D…but sadly won’t see it.


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Chicago Woman Charged with domestic battery after throwing cupcakes

October 18, 2011 Leave a comment

(Chicago Tribune)–In the heat of a domestic dispute, a Chicago woman pelted her husband with cupcakes before police arrived to arrest her Saturday night, authorities said. The sweet evidence of her crime was visible on her husband’s head and shirt when officers responded to the home in the Brighton Park neighborhood on the Southwest Side, according to a police report. On Sunday morning, Cook County Circuit Judge Adam D. Bourgeois Jr. ordered electronic monitoring for the woman and a $10,000 bond. She is charged with a misdemeanor count of domestic battery. The fight started with a verbal quarrel about 7:45 p.m. at the home in the 4700 block of South Western Avenue, according to a police report, but escalated until the woman started hitting her husband over the head. After that, she reached for the box of desserts and directed a fusillade of snack cakes at his head and body, her husband told police. Several of the confections apparently hit their mark, as the man’s head and shirt were smudged with icing when officers arrived, according to a police report. He told officers he feared for his safety, and she was verbally aggressive with officers, the report states. Police said she admitted hurling the treats at her husband.


If you click on the link and read the entire article you’ll see that this is the first domestic issue this couple has had.  Let me go on record and say that if these two love birds can’t work it out, this chick can call me up for a date any time.  In fact, if on the first this girl threw cupcakes at me I seriously might propose right then and there.  I mean what is this guy’s problem? You feared for your safety bro? Was she gonna give you diabetes or something?

Hey baby, leave that loser.  I get you. I’ll appreciate you.  Let’s make this happen.  See you at Molly’s Cupcakes on Clark. I’ll be the guy dominating the shit out of all takers at Connect Four while crushing vanilla cupcakes with vanilla frosting and washing it down with a tall glass of milk.  Holler at me.


PS: In all seriousness, if you haven’t been to Molly’s Cupcakes you haven’t truly lived yet.


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Bill Gates has crazy stupid hops

October 18, 2011 Leave a comment

Bill Gates can play for(and sponsor) my rec league basketball team any day.

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Herman Cain Sings Like an Angel

October 18, 2011 Leave a comment


Umm…GAME.CHANGER!!! Beatles, Pizza, 9-9-9, crazy swag.  Herman Cain for the win. Republican Primary Debate tonight on CNN I think.  Cain should really be going on X-Factor with pipes like that.

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Nazis and Communists publicly endorse #Occupy Movement…ouch

October 17, 2011 1 comment

(Daily Caller)–In a move that may redefine the term “strange bedfellows,” the American Nazi Party issued an official endorsement of the Occupy Wall Street protest movement on Sunday afternoon. The announcement put the organization, a self-described “National Socialist” political party, in company with the Socialist Party USA, which explained its own support for the left-wing protesters in a nationwide conference call last Tuesday night, crediting organized labor with the protests’ strength and sophistication to date. The American Nazi Party is the most politically sophisticated U.S. remnant — but by no means the only one — of white supremacist Adolph Hitler’s murderous 20th century movement. The party calls Hitler’s Mein Kampf “an ideological blueprint for healthy Aryan survival.” In its statement on Sunday, the Westland, Mich.-based Nazi party wrote that the Occupy Wall Street protests are “TAYLOR [sic] MADE for National Socialists, as well as WN [White Nationalists] who are serious about DOING SOMETHING.” “I urgently URGE all of you,” the statement’s unnamed author added, “to TAKE PART and JOIN IN when these protests hit your neck of the woods. Produce some flyers EXPLAINING the ‘JEW BANKER’ influence — DON’T wear anything marking you as an ‘evil racist’ — and GET OUT THERE and SPREAD the WORD!” While Nazis seem unenthusiastic about visibly linking their flagship organization to the vocal protests that have popped up in dozens of U.S. cities, the same can’t be said of the Communist Party USA. John Bachtell, an Illinois-based community organizer and Communist Party USA board member, addressed the “Occupy Chicago” protest on Saturday. “I bring greetings and solidarity from the Communist Party,” Bachtell said to hoots and applause. “We are here, marching side-by-side. We’ll sleep here. We’ll be with this movement ’til the very – ’til we make all the changes that we know we have to make.”

I have been back and forth on this whole Occupy everywhere movement.  At first I just thought it was a bunch of hipster douche bags protesting for the sake of protesting.  Every interview I saw made it seem like nobody actually knew why they were there, but protesting is the new hotness so they were all in.  I basically hated everything about every person I saw on YouTube or the news being interviewed for it.  Then Kanye West and Russell Simmons said that it was about getting money out of government and letting the people govern…I was all in.  I can put up with hipster morons if the movement gets results like that.  Now…I am back to square one.  Nothing kills positive momentum quite like endorsements from both the Nazi Party and the Communist Party.  I really can’t be in a team photo with old hippies, homeless guys, hipster douche bag 20-somethings, Nazis, and Communists.  I need to figure out once and for all what this movement is all about.  So I will be heading down to Grant Park and interviewing people of the 99%.
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Seals are totally attention whores

October 17, 2011 Leave a comment

(Daily Mail)–This cheeky chap is clearly desperate to get the seal of approval after popping up and posing for pictures. The extrovert elephant seal shocked onlookers by springing into action while photographers tried to capture a group of royal penguins at Saint Andrew’s Bay in South Georgia near The Falklands. The fame-hungry seal surprised the excited crowd by suddenly appearing from behind a dune before disappearing and re-appearing several times in an apparent bid to dominate the photo shoot. An elephant seal pops up next to the king penguins on South Georgia island in the Falklands. The seal posed 15 times for photographers who were trying to take pictures of the penguins. French photographer, Michel Watson, captured the entire comic episode on camera while cruising through Antarctica with his wife and several other photographers. Mr Watson, 64, from Alsace said: ‘I was about to take a picture of the penguins when suddenly from the other side of the dune appeared a young elephant seal.’It stood for about six seconds just staring at us before going back down and disappearing. ‘A few seconds later he was standing again and he did this at least 15 times. The whole thing was very bizarre and lasted a good five minutes.’Soon everyone was trying to get the timing right to get good pictures of the seal rather than the penguins.’ ‘Each time he looked more and more surprised to see us there because I don’t think he was used to seeing humans.’The elephant seal was around two metres tall and can weigh more than 6,600 pounds. ‘We were only a couple of metres away but I wasn’t scared, it was such a funny moment,’ said Mr Watson.

Everyone has seen these guys out at the bar.  You’re trying to take a picture of your group and some bro trying to be funny jumps in and ruins it.  This Elephant Seal is just such an attention whore.  Like, dude, we got a few of you already now we need a couple of just the penguins this time.  One time is ok, but twice is annoying.
PS: Chip Kelly would flip a shit on this Elephant Seal

FYI…don’t mess with Chip Kelly’s swag

October 17, 2011 Leave a comment

I don’t want to sit here and say everyone that has lived in New Hampshire for an extended period of time is a hard ass that can wheel Erin Andrews…but we totally are.  Chip Kelly dominated that kid publicly.  Kid ran.  NH guys-1 Punk kids-0. LIVE.FREE.OR.DIE

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