Posts Tagged ‘funny chicago blog’

Bears vs Lions Recap

November 14, 2011 Leave a comment

Lions swagged into Soldier field like this…

Then this happened…

And the Lions left Soldier Field like this…

PS: If you punt to Devin Hester there’s a 200% chance you are a dumbass.

PPS: The Bears might be wayyyyy better than I thought.

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Tigger has some serious swag…and Eeyore too

November 14, 2011 Leave a comment


Ok, so if you didn’t know that Tigger had the most swag of any of the Winnie The Pooh characters, you are pretty much a dumbass.  I mean he is the only one that’s ever down to party.  Just bouncing around on his tail while Pooh has his head stuck in a jar of honey, Eeyore is moping around about losing his tail, and rabbit is just being a hardass buzz kill farming and shit.  No real surprise that Tigger can Dougie like a boss.  Upset of the century was Eeyore’s shuffle.  Maybe he loses his tail on the reg because he was out drunk, partying, firing on chicks, and murdering the dance floor.  I see you Eeyore.  Anybody that can shuffle like that can be in my crew any day of the week and twice on Saturday.


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My #1 Beauty Tip for all the ladies out there

November 10, 2011 1 comment



If your hair is short, you look ugly.  Even this hot girl with short hair was ugly.  So girls, don’t cut your hair. Like ever.



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Dubai Airport Flash Mob

November 8, 2011 1 comment

This has to be the ballsiest flash mob in the history of flash mobs.  This is the Middle East for Christ sake.  I don’t want to come off as a prejudice or just stereotype all people from the Mideast, but they ALL hate dancing more than the parents in “Foot Loose”.  I am pretty sure that anyone who participated in this flash mob committed at least 10 crimes.  Dancing, conspiracy to commit dancing, skin showing, hip shaking, lewd public behavior, and advocacy of American pop culture…just to name a few.  I think all those people who were recording it on their phones were just collecting evidence.  The dancers are effed.  This guy knows what I am talking about…

PS: Did anybody see the new “Foot Loose” movie and was it awesome?

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Video explaining Deja Vu

November 7, 2011 Leave a comment


This is interesting, but I am pretty sure I have seen this exact same video before.


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Woman stabs boyfriend for cheating at Monopoly

October 28, 2011 1 comment

(Newser) – Monopoly and going directly to jail have never combined in such a literal fashion: A 60-year-old Santa Fe woman went straight to you-know-where after allegedly stabbing her boyfriend following a game of Monopoly gone wrong. Police say Laura Chavez copped to attacking the 48-year-old man with a kitchen knife; he was “bleeding heavily from his head and right wrist area” when authorities arrived shortly after midnight yesterday. The man says she also cracked a glass bottle over his head.

Chavez apparently thought her boyfriend was cheating at the game, which allegedly precipitated the argument and attack, reports the Santa Fe New Mexican. Shocking side note: The two had reportedly been drinking. Sad side note: Her 10-year-old grandson was playing the game, too, and witnessed the arguing—but luckily went to bed before the stabbing. Chavez has been charged with aggravated battery and resisting and assaulting a police officer, among other things. 

This is exactly why I flat-out refuse to play Monopoly any more.  Do you know how many times I have wanted to stab my opponent during a game of Monopoly…EVERY TIME.  It’s seriously a war of attrition and eventually somebody is going to snap. And that’s just a normal game of Monopoly, not a game where suspect your opponent of cheating.  Imagine you are in hour ten of Monopoly and you catch the Thimble asshole grabbing an extra $20 out of the bank…good luck not murdering that guy.  I mean at that point its do not pass go, do not collect one more effing cent, go directly to your death-bed. In hour ten I am probably just fighting to stay awake, building hotels on St Charles Place and running a successful railroad empire like a good 1%’er and if I caught someone cheating I’d freak out too, so I am not judging this chick at all.  I don’t think there is a jury in the world that would convict her.  Sometimes you need a little frontier justice.

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So…#OccupyOakland has a little different feel than #OccupyChicago

October 26, 2011 Leave a comment

So I went down to Occupy Chicago last week and interviewed some people…it was interesting to say the least.  I am a rule follower, that’s just the way I was built.  Needless to say I was shaking pretty much the entire time.  I kept waiting for the police to arrest me, gas me, or for a hipster to steal my wallet.  One thing I didn’t fear was getting shot.  Effing Occupy Oakland isn’t messing around.  I am not sure who shot who, but shootings are pretty much par for the course.  Just murders on the reg, drug deals on the reg, gang wars on the reg.  If someone told me that this was just a video of “Oakland” instead of “Occupy Oakland”, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it.

PS: Full disclosure, I kinda think all of these Occupy Movements are stupid.  Having said that, Occupy Oakland is by far the dumbest.  A) who the hell wants to be in Oakland? B) San Fransisco is like two minutes away isn’t?  San Fran would just eat that shit up.  Why wouldn’t these people go to OccupySF?

PPS: Hey bros yelling “medic”…are you serious?  This isn’t Normandy…its a hipster rally.  Don’t yell for a medic like you just got shot busting into Al-Qaeda’s Bin Laden hide out.

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Patrick Kane is on a different level

October 26, 2011 Leave a comment


Full disclosure, I have always loved Patrick Kane.  His game is so unique.  He has tremendous skill and vision.  I have an extra appreciation for guys like Kane and Campbell because I could NEVER do the types of things that they do.  Having said all of that…Kane has taken his game to an entirely different level.  A level I didn’t know he could get to.  He is controlling the game.  The move to center was pure genius. Giving Kane more time on the puck and more space to work plays to his strengths and also forces him to be more responsible in his own end.  If Kane keeps this kind of play going, Hossa stays healthy, and the Blackhawks find a real top 6 player to play with them(Sorry CarBomb, you’re a 4th line guy), Kane just may win the scoring title and maybe the Hart Trophy.  His game is that special right now.  Blackhawk games should be appointment TV for hockey fans in every market.  He alone is worth the price of NHL center ice.


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Bieber dropping suggestive hockey swag in everyone’s eye

October 24, 2011 Leave a comment

(Yahoo Puck Daddy)–In his short time as a pop superstar, Canadian icon Justin Bieber has had some pretty damn cool hockey experiences. He was honored by the Philadelphia Flyers with his own sweater. He carried the Stanley Cup. He played air hockey against The Great One. On Saturday night, the Biebs and his ladyfriend Selena Gomez were allowed to skate on the MTS Centre ice following the Winnipeg Jets’ win over the Carolina Hurricanes —  in their own Jets sweaters. Awwwwww

Its Bieber’s world and the rest of us are just living in it.  Kid rounds 2nd base during the game, and letting his suggestive jersey numbers tell everyone what is going down after the game. Such a pimp move that I can’t even handle it.  Bieber…so hot right now…Bieber.

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Red Sox try to make Cubs take John Lackey as a part of the Theo Epstein deal

October 21, 2011 Leave a comment

(ESPN)–The Chicago Cubs and Boston Red Sox are finalizing a deal that would make Theo Epstein the Cubs’ president of baseball operations, according to a baseball source. The source said it could happen Thursday, but as of early Friday morning, the deal was not done. A source with knowledge of the negotiations said: “The two sides are on the 5-yard line.” Major League Baseball already has told the Cubs that they can have a news conference Friday to introduce Epstein, according to a source with knowledge of the situation. Sources confirmed to and that San Diego Padres general manager Jed Hoyer will be named Cubs GM a few days after Epstein’s news conference. Hoyer will be granted permission to leave when San Diego promotes senior vice president of baseball operations Josh Byrnes to vice president/GM, a source said. Byrnes was GM of the Arizona Diamondbacks when Padres owner Jeff Moorad was part-owner of that team. Sources said Moorad has wanted Byrnes to return to the job, even though he respected Hoyer, whom he hired in 2010. The Red Sox aimed high in asking for compensation for Epstein. A baseball source told that they initially asked for the Cubs young star shortstop Starlin Castro. Whey they were rebuffed, the Red Sox asked for arguably the Cubs best starting pitcher in Matt Garza. A major league source told that at one point Boston proposed that the Cubs take pitcher John Lackey’s contract. Lackey has three seasons remaining on a five-year, $82.5 million contract. He was 12-12 with a 6.41 ERA in 28 starts for the Red Sox in 2011.


Hey do the Red Sox think Theo Epstein is stupid or something?  John Lackey fucking sucks.  Do you really think that the Cubs would agree to pay the final three years of an 82.5 million dollar contract of a guy who gets drunk in the clubhouse and has a 6.41 ERA?  Come on, Theo would never be that stupid.  He would never acquire a guy like Lackey. Who do the Red Sox think they are fooling here.  This isn’t your father’s Cubs anymore.


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