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Posts Tagged ‘dating tips’

Mid 20s Guide To Dating: Settling

May 30, 2012 1 comment

 

Umm…nailed it.  Girls in their 20s…just settle.  You’ll be happier.  Settle for the witty-blogger-with-Disney-Prince-hair-type. All that stuff 29 girl said was pretty true, but so was the stuff the 31 girl said.  So just find yourself a blogger-prince-charming and settle before you turn into 31.

 

 

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Woman charged with assault after attacking boyfriend for not wanting sex

April 25, 2012 1 comment

(Florida)–A 34-year-old woman accused of attacking her  boyfriend after he declined to have sex with her was arrested on a misdemeanor  charge, according to a recently released affidavit. The boyfriend of Stacey Ann Ortiz told Port  St. Lucie police April 18 they’d been drinking at a friend’s home and came back  to go to bed. The boyfriend said he wanted to watch TV, while Ortiz wanted to  have sex. He said Ortiz started to attack him after he  told her several times he wasn’t interested. He said he ran down stairs and out  the garage to get away and that Ortiz tried to chase him down. “It appeared the victim had just left his  bed since he was only wearing his underwear,” the affidavit states. Ortiz told police her boyfriend got in a  verbal argument, but the dispute turned physical. She said her boyfriend “head  butted” her and she pushed him off her. She declined to say what the argument was about. On the floor, police noticed a broken metal mop handle, which  Ortiz said she broke while busting the window on her boyfriend’s truck. “It should be noted that the windshield of the truck was  broken,” the affidavit states. “I then asked why she was chasing him down the  street and she stated she was mad.” Ortiz, of the 2000 block of Southeast Avon Park Drive in Port  St. Lucie, was arrested on a battery charge.

Jesus Christ, when will girls learn?  No means no.  Chicks always just expecting us to turn it on and off like a faucet.  Hey Stacey, maybe your boyfriend just wasn’t feeling sexy that night.  Or maybe he was tired or had a headache.  Ever think about that?  Men are people too.  We aren’t just sex machines put on this earth to fulfill your desires ladies.  How about next time instead of throwing a hissy fit and assaulting your boyfriend you try a little romance.  A little effort goes a long way you know.  We just want you to make us feel special.  I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

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“Ask Amy” of the Trib has to be a dude, right?

March 13, 2012 Leave a comment

(Ask Amy)–

Dear Amy: I am an almost 30-year-old man, and I recently resigned from my job. On my last day at work, an 18-year-old co-worker cornered me and kissed me. She told me that she is very attracted to me and said if I wanted her, she’d be mine. We worked very closely together for the past four months and had gotten quite close as friends. The attraction is mutual. I find her to be a charming and beautiful girl. My concern is the age difference. I worry about how people will respond if we decide to enter into a relationship. My friends are divided — some say that I need to follow my heart, and others say that I shouldn’t even be thinking about dating an 18-year old. Am I wrong for thinking about entering into a relationship with this girl?

— Uncertain Suitor

Dear Uncertain: The red flags I see flying over this scenario are not only about the age difference between you two — but about her behavior. If the genders were reversed in this situation, and it was an 18-year-old man who “cornered and kissed” a 30-year-old woman, I’d suggest that somebody might want to get the police involved. Her behavior is so aggressive that you only need to imagine what she might do if you dated and then dropped her. (Picture her perched in a tree and yelling into a megaphone outside your apartment.) Take all of this into consideration, and if you still want to dip your toe into this pool of crazy, I say you two are (presumably) adults. Ask to see her driver’s license to verify her birth date, double check the laws of consent in your state, make sure her father’s not the angry type, shake the bushes for high school football player boyfriends, be prepared to have at least one conversation about Miley Cyrus, and go for it.

 

I mean did Amy hit this one out of the park or what?!?! When I read the letter from this gayball “Uncertain Suitor” I would have bet my life that Amy would tell this guy he is a creep, he should see a therapist, and should date someone his own age.  None of that happened here.  She looked at the situation and gave A+ advice.  Basically make sure it isn’t rape and go for it.  Even Amy realizes that hot 18 year-old girls who corner you for a kiss in the office don’t grow on trees. Its a once in a lifetime opportunity.  This guy has a winning lottery ticket and Amy knows he HAS to cash it in.  Well done Amy.  The only question this leaves me with is whether or not Amy is even a chick.  I mean she can’t be right?  I don’t know any women who would green light sex with a teenager. It just flies in the face of eye rolls from women since the dawn of time.  There is just no way Amy is a chick.  That’s the most rational advice I have ever heard.  Couldn’t have done better myself.

 

 

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Chicks dig guys with effed up faces, right?

December 5, 2011 Leave a comment

 

Hell to the no.  Look it bro, hate to break it to ya, but chicks don’t dig parkour.  Its not even a real sport.  They especially don’t like guys with broken faces.

 

 

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Mid 20s Dating Guide: What Would Bieber Do

September 27, 2011 1 comment

(MTV)–Justin Bieber may only be 17, but the kid has crazy mature boyfriend skills when it comes to doing special things for his girl Selena Gomez. Case in point: The dynamic duo went out for a decent-enough date on Friday night to see Gomez’s pal Demi Lovato play a show at the Nokia Theatre in downtown Los Angeles. Then, according to TMZ, he surprised Gomez after the concert with an even bigger show right next door at the Staples Center, the 20,000-seat home of the Los Angeles Lakers. After 11 p.m., Bieber told Gomez, “follow me,” and the pair walked through an underground tunnel that connects the two arenas. As they walked into the empty building, all Gomez saw was a table for two set up on the floor with a steak and pasta dinner from the venue’s fancy restaurant, the Lexus Club. The major date was inspired by a scene in the Adam Sandler flick “Mr. Deeds,” in which Sandler’s character surprises his love interest, Winona Ryder, with a date for two at Madison Square Garden. After the superstar couple’s meal, things got even more romantic when “Titanic” began playing on a screen in the arena. According to reports, Bieber got the venue for free as a thank-you from the bosses at Staples for his string of three previous sell-outs there. After making things way harder for his fellow man with his big-balling gesture, Biebs had a message for all the dudes out there who aren’t pulling their weight when it comes to the chivalry department. “Romance isn’t dead,” he tweeted after his date. “Treat your lady right fellas.” Easy for you to say, dude.

 

Un-fricken-believable Bieber!!! What a god damn boss this kid is.  I used to rag on him relentlessly…out of pure jealously.  Like, chicks go nuts for this kid.  Chicks of all ages.  I never understood it.  He weighs like 80 pounds, yet he pulls dimes like Selena Gomez on the reg.  I was baffled.  However, I can’t deny this kid’s swag anymore.

This kid makes me and every other guy on earth look like a chump.  I mean I try to come up with fun dates, and go to fancy restaurants, just to try and get to first base with some girl I have probably been wearing down for months.  Biebs just gets the keys to the Staple Center to watch a movie.  I am sure trying to get laid after Titanic with your mom upstairs is probably a pain in the ass, so Biebs just went off sight.  Titanic at the Staple Center is romantic as hell.  Who wouldn’t get all weak in the knees for this kid.

So now whenever I am thinking of a date like a stupid private dance class, or apple picking, or some gay shit like that I’ll think to myself “Would The Biebs do this?” and if I answer NO to that question I will go back to the drawing board.  I am going to be following this kid’s every move looking for dating tips.  The kid has obviously forgotten more about wheeling chicks than I will ever know.

 

 

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Mid 20s Dating Guide: What Not To Do Volume 2

September 8, 2011 Leave a comment

(AMSTERDAM, AP) — Dutch prosecutors are charging a 42-year-old woman with stalking after she allegedly called her ex-boyfriend 65,000 times in the past year. The 62-year-old victim from The Hague filed a police complaint in August due to the persistent phone calls. Police arrested the suspected stalker Monday, seizing several cell phones and computers from her home in Rotterdam. Hague prosecution spokeswoman Nicolette Stoel said Thursday the woman argued to judges at a preliminary hearing she had a relationship with the man and the number of calls she placed to him wasn’t excessive. The man denied they had a relationship. The court ordered her not to contact him again.

Here we go with Volume 2 in an infinite part series about what NOT to do in relationships.

Girls are so bat shit crazy its unbelievable.  Everyone has made a drunken phone call to an ex that they wish they could take back, but this girl has taken it to a whole different level.  65,000 calls a year is 179 calls a day and 7 or 8 per hour.  This chick’s fulltime job is being a lunatic.  I get that this chick is single and desperate and wants her boyfriend back, but she is going about it all wrong.  Kind of a rookie move for a 42 year-old dating veteran.  I mean she totally had the upper-hand in this thing on paper.  She is 20 years younger than this guy.  I don’t care how many blue pills he is popping, I guarantee chicks aren’t beating down his door to hop in bed with a 62 year-old dude with gray hair, flabby skin, and old…balls…gross.  When flirting over the phone you NEVER want to be the last one to communicate(and you definitely don’t want to be the last one to communicate 65,000 times in a row).  I definitely learned this lesson the one the hard way(more than once).  I’ll be texting back and forth with a girl and she’ll be just eating up my jokes. Just flirty LOLs and HAHAHAHAs all over the place.  Then the convo clearly comes to end point but instead of playing it smooth and leave her wanting more…I come back with something stupid like “So…what are you up to this weekend?” and…crickets. Just kills all momentum.  One text too many and its over before it even started.  If this girl wasn’t so effing crazy(just a hypothetical, she’s a chick so of course she is crazy) she could’ve had this old guy back in a minute.  Tone down the crazy and make him think it was his idea.  This guy knows that he doesn’t have a lot of options and if a chick can stand his presence for a minute he should hold on to her like grim death…which isn’t far off.

PS: This chick is probably getting recruited like mad by tele-marketing companies.  Dial, click, dial, all day long with no bathroom breaks.

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Mid 20s Dating Guide: What Not To Do Volumne One

August 29, 2011 2 comments

(IMMOKALEE) — An Immokalee man is facing a domestic battery charge after authorities say he gave his girlfriend a hair cut — while she slept. David Bustos, 26, of the 700 block of Crestview Circle, was arrested Thursday by Collier County sheriff’s deputies at home. Bustos and his girlfriend got into an argument on Tuesday causing Bustos to leave his girlfriend’s home, according to an arrest report. She told deputies that around 7 a.m. the next morning she awoke in her bed to Bustos shaving her head with an electric hair clipper. He used such force with the clippers that it caused a small cut on her scalp, according to reports. The victim told deputies that she immediately kicked him off of her and he fled the home. Deputies said there were several sections of braided hair lying on the victim’s bed.

 

Ok, so I haven’t done a Mid 20s Dating Guide blog in a while because quite frankly…I am out of material.  I pretty much put everything I know about girls and dating into like three blogs.  I am out of tips on things to do.  I didn’t realize until today that I know way more about what NOT to do.  Some from experience, and some from common sense.  So here is Volume One of probably an infinite part series about what not to do when dating girls.

 

So, if you have a fight with your girlfriend I would say probably the number one thing NOT to do is sneak back into her room at night and buzz off all of her hair.  Yeah, yeah its battery blah blah blah…that’s not the biggest issue at hand here.  Bro…YOU CUT OFF YOUR GIRL’S HAIR!!! Girls with short hair are disgusting, and girls with buzzed heads are even worse.  Exhibit A) Britney Spears.  I put up with all her weight issues, pregnancies, and scarring from her pregnancies because deep down I knew “I’m a Slave For You” Britney Spears was still in there somewhere.  However, the minute she cut all her hair off I checked out forever.  Girls should never ever have their hair shorter than their shoulders.  That’s just the law, or at least it should be.  Now this guy is completely stuck.  He can’t break up with her now. Break up and she is 100% going through with these charges.  If he sweet talks her into giving the relationship another shot…she will drop the charges.  So now this guy is in a relationship with a bald freak.  Back fire of the century.

And if this guy thought his girlfriend got pissed before when he didn’t notice that she made a minor change to her hair, he hasn’t seen anything yet.   Girls pay like $500 every month for some chick to put little blonde streaks in their hair and cut off a half an inch.  This girl will practically be living at the salon trying to salvage something she can leave the house with.  Guess what happens if she walks in and this guy didn’t notice that she changed her hair?  Godzilla times a billion!!!  All around failure by this guy.  I may not know much about dating, but I do know that if you cut a girl’s hair off in the middle of the night…that’s a no-win situation.

 

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Hey ladies…if a guy dumps a 20-ton boulder in your driveway…he’s just not that into you

August 17, 2011 3 comments

 

 (Quebec)–A small-town mayor is under police investigation after finally giving his wife a nice, big rock. Make that his ex-wife. And the rock was a 20 tonne boulder, not a ring. Dany Larivière, the mayor of Saint-Théodore-d’Acton, east of Montreal, told a French news station that he had dropped the boulder off on his ex-wife’s lawn early Sunday morning. The rock is spray-painted “Happy Birthday, Isa XX” and topped with a big pink bow. “I had to do something so she’d leave me alone,” he told TVA Monday morning. “That’s the biggest rock she’ll ever get in her life.” Larivière was unavailable for comment Monday afternoon. Quebec Police told the Toronto Star they were still deciding whether criminal charges could be laid, after Larivière apparently refused to remove the boulder. “It’s a gift. It’s hers now,” Larivière said. “I did it in the middle of the night. It was a surprise.” He joked that his ex-wife, Isabelle Prévost, had always wanted a big rock, quipping that this one was between 18 and 24 “carat-tonnes.”

Pretty strong message delivered by this mayor to his ex-wife.  Nothing says “leave me alone” like dumping a 20-ton boulder in her driveway in the middle of the night as a birthday present.  Here is the problem with chicks though, they just never get it.  I am sure this French broad was sipping on pom-tini’s later that night and all the chicks were all like “OMG…you think Dany still loves you?  He is just acting out because he still cares so much.  You’ve been broken up for 3 years, but he def isn’t over you.  Are you guys getting back together? You guys are totes adorable together.  I bet he just left that boulder there so he would have an excuse to come see you”.  Here is a clue girls, if the guy dumps a 20-ton boulder in your driveway…he’s just not that into you.  It’s over.  I don’t think you can send a stronger message. 

 

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The Mid 20s Dating Scene

May 23, 2011 2 comments

I am re-entering the Mid-20s dating scene and I feel like I actually know what I am doing so I am providing the citizens with guide to mid-20s dinner dates. Having said that, I have never been a ladies man so there is a good chance I am a completely off base.  These are the things to do on your early dates.  As far as getting to this point…I can’t help you.

Dinner Dates:

  1. Finding hidden gems of restaurants.  Chicks dig little hidden restaurants that you probably won’t find on google.  If you’re going to a chain restaurant or a famous restaurant early in your first couple dates…you’re doing something wrong.  Knowing little restaurants shows that you’re worldly and you know your way around town. This shows her you’ll be able to teach her stuff and show her finer points of life.
  2. Ordering cool mix drinks or knowing a lot about wine.  I suck at this one.  My go to “cool guy mixed drink” is an Old Fashioned, and I only know what that is because Donald Draper drinks at least 5 of them an episode during Mad Men and he is the coolest m-effer in history.  The problem with an Old Fashioned is that it looks like it could a chick drink because it has a cherry and an orange in it.  So if the girl doesn’t know what it is, then you could be screwed because you can’t tell her that Don Draper drinks it on Mad Men.  Knowing wines is cool too.  If you can casually ask good questions about different bottles or drop wine terms with the waiter then you are in good shape.  I try to stick with wines that I know I can pronounce.
  3. PUT DOWN A TON OF FOOD.  All girls have food issues on some level.  Putting away the appetizer, your entire plate, and maybe a bite of her dinner will allow her to relax and enjoy her meal.  This is also just a primal thing.  I am sure back when Men were hunting for dinner, cromagnum cave chicks gravitated to the guy who was eating the most food. Shows strength and that he will throw you his scraps when he is done. There are two caveats with this rule 1) You still need to talk and have good manners, keep your mouth closed when you chew and 2) you can’t be a fat dude.
  4. Tipping. Be a friend of the common man and tip like a baller.  Show her you’re a generous spirit.  Tip cabbies, bartenders, homeless guys, waittresses…everybody gets some love on early dates. 

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