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Posts Tagged ‘Chicago’

Toews Just Blew Smoke In Cutler’s Eye

July 25, 2011 2 comments

While Jay Cutler was probably moping around about losing out on Kristin Cavallari(As opposed to just his regular moping), Jonathan Toews shows up to Wrigley with a smoke on his arm.  Shot across Jay Cutler’s bow for sure.

Toews’ girlfriend is Gabrielle Valasquez I guess.  Never heard of her, but she is really hot.  I would never be able to talk to that girl.  Having said that…I don’t think she is hot enough for Toews.  Jonathan Toews is a stud.  Captain+Chicago+Stanley Cup+Conn Smythe+Gold Medal+Olympics MVP+Movie Star Good Looks=That he should be wheeling Doutzen Krous or some A-list chick.

PS: Toews owns Chicago.  Best athlete in the city and shows up in the summer to Wrigley wearing Bears hat. That sentence got me hard.  Hockey season can’t get here fast enough. Gas up the party trolleys.

 

PPS: UPDATE, just found out that Doutzen Kroes had a baby so looks like Toews probably already met her…or at least made eye contact with her. Pretty sure that’s all it takes for him.

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Extreme Dancing on the Red Line

July 21, 2011 2 comments

This guy is absolutely killing it.  So much swag that he’s turning dudes gay instantly.  I have never seen dancing quite like this.  I have a hard time just standing on the El.  Every stop, turn, bump and I am bracing myself for a fall.  This guy(who isn’t Ron apparently) is inventing dance moves and strutting his stuff for everyone to see.

PS: Turns out Gays are just as lost in the dating game as anyone else.  That was a pathetic line. “Umm are you Ron. No? Oh, I thought your name was Ron.”  It was like something I would say to a girl in the bar.  Drunk, go up to her guns blazing, then have nothing to say, mumble something under my breath, and go back to admiring from a distance.

Top 5 All-Time Chicago Sports Stars

July 14, 2011 Leave a comment

So ESPN is going to do this thing where they list the top 5 sports figures from every major sports town.  Blowhard Mike Wilbon is in charge of spitting out Chicago’s list…and per usual he totally messed it up.  He just tried to sound smarter than everyone by putting old guys in there that he has never laid eyes on like Red Grange.  I am sure Red Grange was great and was very important to the foundation of the NFL, but that was so long ago that I think he may have even played for the Decator Bears.  He can’t be on this list.  Wilbon also talks about Grange like the NFL wouldn’t exist without him. I find that basically impossible to believe.  The NFL is the shit.  No way one guy from 1924 made it that way by himself.  Wilbon also had Ditka, Payton, Jordan, and I want to say Gale Sayers rounding out his top 5.  Total failure.  Here is the correct list.

1.  Michael Jordan– Obviously. The greatest athlete of all-time has to be the greatest Chicago sports figure of all-time too.

2. Walter Payton– I never saw Sweetness play live because he retired when I was like 3 years old, but real recognize real.  I have seen enough highlights to know that he was the greatest running back who ever lived.

3. Mike Ditka– Hall of fame Tight End as a player, Superbowl Champion Coach, a mustache that would make Wyatt Earp jealous, and an all around bad ass.  Ditka is a winner and an icon.  Has to be on this list.

4. Bobby Hull– The Golden Jet was the best player of his era.  Scored a ton of goals, drank a ton of beers, and won a Stanley Cup.

5. Jonathan Toews– This is a bit of a futures play, Toews still has some work to do, but the guy has already won practically everything possible.  Toews is the perfect hockey player and an absolute stud.

 

Scottie Pippen may have made this list if he wasn’t such a traitor and/or moron.

Ernie Banks may have made this list if he actually won something…but like all other Cubs…he hasn’t.

Dick Butkus probably should be on here…but I can’t take anyone off of this list, so he can be number 6.

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Jerry Reinsdorf wins a “major award”. Its fragile, must be Italian

June 30, 2011 Leave a comment

ChicagoAs the Chicago White Sox prepare to invade Wrigley Field to face the Cubs this weekend for another edition of the Crosstown Series, Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf already should feel like a winner. On June 21, Reinsdorf was one of the recipients of a Jefferson Award, regarded as the “Nobel Prize for public service.”

This sounds like a big deal and everything, but what did he get it for?  The article doesn’t say exactly what his charity work was, so I am going to assume that it’s for giving Adam Dunn a job and 56 million dollars.  I don’t know how he is supposed to feel like a winner.  The White Sox are the worst baseball team in this city not named the Chicago Cubs.  

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CUBS WIN!!!! If they win tomorrow, thats called a winning streak

June 27, 2011 Leave a comment

 

All the Cubs needed to start winning was to stop playing American League powerhouses like the Kansas City Royals.  Suck it Rockies.

 

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Rebuilding The Blackhawks: Free Agent Centers UPDATE

June 27, 2011 Leave a comment

I want Brad Richards.  That’s all there is to it.  People are saying they shouldn’t give him a big contract because it would be the same cap burden as Campbell.  That’s a ridiculous line of thinking.  How can you be “burdened” by a top 10 player in the league?  Richards would get a 100 points for the Blackhawks and would give the Hawks the best 1-2 punch of centers in the league.  I think the Blackhawks should offer Richards either 5 years and 35m, or 7 years and 42m.  The time to win is now.  The Blackhawks have cap space, and Richards at 7m a season provides more value than Brooks Laich or anyone else at 4 or 4.5m.  The Hawks can afford Richards and still have enough money to sign another defenseman and give Patrick Sharp a raise.

Forward Lines:

Patrick Sharp(5m, assumed contract extension) Jonathan Toews(6.3m) Patrick Kane(6.3)

Rusty Olesz(3.125m) Brad Richards(7m) Marian Hossa(5.275m)

Ben Smith($812,500) Dave Bolland(3.375m) Michael Frolik(2.275m,assumed raise)

Kyle Beach(1.171m) Marcus Kruger(900,000) Bryan Bickell($541,667)

13th forward(750k)

Defense:

Brent Seabrook(5.8m) Duncan Keith(5.538m)

Nik Hjalmarsson(3.5m) Nick Leddy(1.117m)

Chris Campoli(1.5m) 6th Defenseman(1.2m)

John Scott($512,500)

Goalies:

Corey Crawford(2.67m)

Alexander Salak($612,500)

Total: 64m.  And that’s rounding up.  The real total is a couple hundred grand less than that.  This team as presently constructed would probably go like 82-0.  Just do it Stan.

 

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Lock of the Century: MLB Edition

June 9, 2011 4 comments

Betting on baseball is so easy its unbelievable.  No wonder Pete Rose couldn’t resist.  Its like somebody giving you cash for being able to read or something.  I killed it yesterday.  Cubs had lost 8 in a row.  Their losing streak had no end in sight, except I saw it from a mile away.  Cubs were big winners.  For kicks I gave the citizens the Brewers win and the over…win and win.  The day before I gave you the road dog Red Sox to win 2 of 3 games on the series bet…and that cashed in too.  Just picking winners like its my job, good thing it is. I picked the Miami Heat in my NBA Lock of the Century, and I am pretty much hoping I lose that one so I am making up for it with baseball.

Seattle Mariners +168 @ Detroit Tigers -188

This one isn’t exactly brain surgery.  Terrible Mariners team on the road taking on one of the most dominant pitchers in the game. Verlander will probably have double-digit strike outs and breeze to a win.  The line isn’t the most attractive, but a win is a win is a win.  Also, I have never heard of this Fister guy pitching for Seattle.  One of my gambling rules is that if I have never heard of you, it means that you suck. Tigers roll.

Oakland A’s even @ Chicago White Sox -110

Honestly, the only game I really love on the board is the Tigers game, but you can’t win if you don’t play and I am on fire right now.  Playing with house money.  Give me the White Sox at home with Buerhle pitching.  Seems like a solid pick.  Decent moneyline for the favorite at home.  Good enough for me.  I am just going to keep racking up wins.

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