Bulls vs 76ers Game 5 Preview: I DIDN’T HEAR NO BELL!!!

 

Look it, I know things look bleak, but I wouldn’t be the Captain of the #BullsBandWagon unless I tried to put a positive spin on this.  No Rose, no Noah, and down 3-1 to the 8-seed, but only losers quit.  The Bulls, with everything going against them in Game 4, had a chance to win that game.   If the Bulls can play with that kind of defensive intensity and hit a couple of open jumpers at home tonight they can extend this series.  Champions never say die.  They fight until the last breath.  Defend home court tonight, get a little momentum and confidence for Game 6.  Win Game 6 and then Game 7 is at home and anything can happen.  Who knows…maybe Luol Deng will even show up for a game.  Time for one last stand Bulls.  I didn’t hear no bell.

 

 

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BULLS WIN!!! LETS DANCE

 

People tell me that the Bulls beat the Heat last night.  I was too busy watching hockey, but WOOHOO!!! Fuck Lebron!!!! I mean…ho-hum just another Overtime blow out win. Suck on that 2 seed Miami.  Let’s Go Bulls!!!! Carlton, BJ Watson, Asheek, and the whole BENCHMOB!!! NUMBER ONE SEED!!! LETS DANCE!!!! #BullsBandWagon!!!

 

 

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Ho-hum another Bulls blowout win

 

No Rose, no RIP and facing a playoff caliber team on the road…BOOORRRRINNNGGGG.  Just throw Carlton and the other JV guards out there.  Hell even a white guy or two.  It doesn’t matter.  The Bulls can’t be stopped.  Wake me up for the Miami Heat Eastern Conference Finals series.  I will be the most die-hard Bulls fan you have ever seen for about 10 days.  BULLS WIN…LETS DANCE!!!

 

PS: Does anybody know how to post videos to…facebook?

 

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So… Derrick Rose is doing pretty well for himself

(Sporting News)–Derrick Rose could soon be adding a nine-figure shoe deal to his $94 million  basketball contract. ESPN.com reported Friday that the Chicago Bulls point  guard and reigning NBA MVP is nearing agreement with adidas on a so-called  “lifetime” contract that could pay him as much as $250 million over 10 years. Derrick Rose already is a rich man. Adidas wants to make him  even richer. One reason for adidas’ willingness to pay, according to ESPN.com’s Marc  Stein: Rose is adidas’ strongest competition to Nike endorser Kobe Bryant in  China. Rose outsells Nike’s LeBron James in that country, according to Stein’s  sources. Adidas also employs Orlando Magic center Dwight Howard, as NBC Sports  notes.

 

“Hey Lebron, tell me how my ass tastes. Sincerely, Derrick Rose.”

I think Obama needs to write Derrick Rose a thank you letter because the taxes DRose is gonna pay this April might single-handedly solve the national debt crisis.  Derrick Rose is m-effing RICH!!! God bless America.  Just shows that working hard and staying humble still pays off.  Best part of this whole thing is that Rose is worth so much because he is murdering Lebron in sales in China.  Even the Chinese think Lebron is a d-bag.

 

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Is this NBA “forever” commercial the greatest commerical of all time?

 

I have been pretty vocal about my disdain for the NBA in the space, but this commercial may have tricked me into being a fan again.  Is there a more beautiful thing than having Bird kicked it to Ray for a three?  Don Draper himself could not have made a better commercial.  Just nostalgia like you read about.  Alright NBA, nice move. I forgive you.  I am back in for this season.  But after that…I am checking out forever.

 

PS: Bulls porn…

That team probably goes 82-0…just those three…playing 3 on 5.

 

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BREAKING NEWS: Science reports Cleveland smells like shit…which is not breaking news at all

(Denver Post)–University of Colorado researchers sampling the winter air in four Midwestern cities say the bacterial colonies found in Cleveland and Detroit most closely resemble that found in dog poop. In their study, published July 29 in “Applied and Environmental Microbiology,” the researchers compared the DNA of collected bacteria to a database of bacteria from known sources such as leaf surfaces, soil, and human, cow and dog feces. “We found unexpectedly high bacterial diversity in all of our samples, but to our surprise the airborne bacterial communities of Detroit and Cleveland most closely resembled those communities found in dog poop,” said lead author Robert Bowers, a graduate student in CU’s ecology and evolutionary biology department and the Cooperative Institute for Research in Environmental Sciences, or CIRES, based at CU. “This suggests that dog poop may be a potential source of bacteria to the atmosphere at these locations.”

Hey science community, hate to break it to you, but everyone already knows Cleveland and Detroit smell like shit.  This is like the week of pointless studies.  The U football program cheats?!?!?….NO…that can’t be!!! Ugly people are jealous of hot people….GASP!!! Cleveland smells like shit!?!…well knock me over with a feather.  I can’t confirm this story first hand because I would NEVER be caught dead in Cleveland, but I’ll take Joakim Noah’s word for it.  Nobody has ever gone to Cleveland on vacation…and I guess it’s because it smells like shit.

 

PS: Where did Cleveland go wrong?  I feel like they are the bizarro world Chicago.  Both are in the midwest, both were built up and flourished during the industrial revolution, both are on the Great Lakes, and yet they are now complete opposites.  Chicago is the greatest city in the world, and Cleveland is probably the worst.  Chicago easily could have turned into Cleveland, but they nipped that problem in the bud.  Took all of our shit parts, gave them to Indiana, and changed their name to Gary. 

 

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Top 5 All-Time Chicago Sports Stars

So ESPN is going to do this thing where they list the top 5 sports figures from every major sports town.  Blowhard Mike Wilbon is in charge of spitting out Chicago’s list…and per usual he totally messed it up.  He just tried to sound smarter than everyone by putting old guys in there that he has never laid eyes on like Red Grange.  I am sure Red Grange was great and was very important to the foundation of the NFL, but that was so long ago that I think he may have even played for the Decator Bears.  He can’t be on this list.  Wilbon also talks about Grange like the NFL wouldn’t exist without him. I find that basically impossible to believe.  The NFL is the shit.  No way one guy from 1924 made it that way by himself.  Wilbon also had Ditka, Payton, Jordan, and I want to say Gale Sayers rounding out his top 5.  Total failure.  Here is the correct list.

1.  Michael Jordan– Obviously. The greatest athlete of all-time has to be the greatest Chicago sports figure of all-time too.

2. Walter Payton– I never saw Sweetness play live because he retired when I was like 3 years old, but real recognize real.  I have seen enough highlights to know that he was the greatest running back who ever lived.

3. Mike Ditka– Hall of fame Tight End as a player, Superbowl Champion Coach, a mustache that would make Wyatt Earp jealous, and an all around bad ass.  Ditka is a winner and an icon.  Has to be on this list.

4. Bobby Hull– The Golden Jet was the best player of his era.  Scored a ton of goals, drank a ton of beers, and won a Stanley Cup.

5. Jonathan Toews– This is a bit of a futures play, Toews still has some work to do, but the guy has already won practically everything possible.  Toews is the perfect hockey player and an absolute stud.

 

Scottie Pippen may have made this list if he wasn’t such a traitor and/or moron.

Ernie Banks may have made this list if he actually won something…but like all other Cubs…he hasn’t.

Dick Butkus probably should be on here…but I can’t take anyone off of this list, so he can be number 6.

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