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Posts Tagged ‘Chicago blog’

This punt return by Arkansas was pretty good

November 14, 2011 Leave a comment

 

Ri-god-damn-diculous.

 

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Mid 20s Dating Guide: Trying to have a “booty call” girl

November 14, 2011 Leave a comment

The Smoking GunA Tennessee woman who said she wanted a relationship–and did not want to be just “a booty call”–allegedly stabbed a male suitor Tuesday night after he became irate when she put the brakes on his attempts to “touch her suggestively,” police report. Oh, did we mention that the two are first cousins? Erica Wilson, 21, and Jesse Brooks, 32, were arrested and charged with aggravated domestic assault following a brawl in Brooks’s home in Rogersville. The combatants are pictured in the above mug shots. Wilson told a sheriff’s deputy that she and Brooks had “gotten into an argument about the status” of their relationship. It was during the argument, Wilson reported, that Brooks “began to touch her suggestively and stated that ‘he wanted her.’” In response, Wilson told her cousin that she “wanted a relationship and did not want to be ‘A Booty Call,’” according to a Hawkins County Sheriff’s Office report. The latter comment allegedly infuriated Brooks, who began cursing at Wilson, and then allegedly knocked her to the kitchen floor with a flurry of punches. Fighting back, Wilson grabbed a pair of scissors and slashed away at her cousin’s face, neck, arms, and back. An investigator noted that Wilson and Brooks, who smelled of booze, admitted to consuming significant amounts of Everclear grain alcohol. Since a “primary aggressor” could not be determined, both cousins were arrested. Wilson, a Taco Bell employee, bonded out of jail yesterday after posting $4000 bond. Her cousin remains locked up in the county jail in lieu of $4000 bond. Both are set to be arraigned in Sessions Court later this month.

Ok, first things first…I erased where this story was from to make it interactive.  You guys have to guess where the first cousins booty call couple is from:

Are they from:

a) The South

b) The South

c) The South

d) The South

e) Other

 

Now down to business.  Guys…if you are trying to find a girl who is cool with just casually hooking up and being a booty call…quit now.  If you think you have a girl who is cool with being a casual hook up girl…you are a moron and you don’t.  I don’t care what that girl says, girls are NEVER cool with just hooking up.  She will say whatever she has to say to keep you around, but at the end of the day she is calling you her boyfriend to her friends and is planning a wedding.  That’s just how girls operate.  It doesn’t matter how much you want to keep it casual because the chick wants it to be exclusive and serious that much times a billion.  Eventually it’s either gonna be serious or your going to get assaulted and/or murdered.

I am sure this chick wanted to announce their engagement at Thanksgiving dinner, but this dude wasn’t having it.  The girl did what 110% of chicks would do in this situation and tried to cut holes in his face.  This guy has nobody to blame but himself.  The guy is obviously a slow learner.  Odds are that his parents were cousins too.

 

PS: The correct answer to the question above was…The South.  Specifically Tennessee.

 

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Bears vs Lions Recap

November 14, 2011 Leave a comment

Lions swagged into Soldier field like this…

Then this happened…

And the Lions left Soldier Field like this…

PS: If you punt to Devin Hester there’s a 200% chance you are a dumbass.

PPS: The Bears might be wayyyyy better than I thought.

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Cats are such dickheads

November 14, 2011 Leave a comment

You think that this cat gives a shit that this kid is trying to play with his train? Of course not. Cats just do what they want when they want with no regard for other people’s feelings what so ever. A dog would have like chased the train around for hours and tried to make a fun game out of it. Just as long as you loved on him afterwards. Cats don’t want to have fun, and they don’t want you to have fun either. They will just try and drag you down to their level.

PS: If you play with trains…you are a cat person 110% of the time. Get a dog and get a life pal.

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Tigger has some serious swag…and Eeyore too

November 14, 2011 Leave a comment

 

Ok, so if you didn’t know that Tigger had the most swag of any of the Winnie The Pooh characters, you are pretty much a dumbass.  I mean he is the only one that’s ever down to party.  Just bouncing around on his tail while Pooh has his head stuck in a jar of honey, Eeyore is moping around about losing his tail, and rabbit is just being a hardass buzz kill farming and shit.  No real surprise that Tigger can Dougie like a boss.  Upset of the century was Eeyore’s shuffle.  Maybe he loses his tail on the reg because he was out drunk, partying, firing on chicks, and murdering the dance floor.  I see you Eeyore.  Anybody that can shuffle like that can be in my crew any day of the week and twice on Saturday.

 

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Procrastination

November 10, 2011 Leave a comment

 

I am going to get this book…tomorrow.  And then probably read the next day.  Or in 2011.

 

 

PS: Seriously this video kinda rattled me.  How am I supposed to outsmart myself?  Or “future me”?  Future me is 100% smarter than me.  He lives in the future.

 

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Dubai Airport Flash Mob

November 8, 2011 1 comment

This has to be the ballsiest flash mob in the history of flash mobs.  This is the Middle East for Christ sake.  I don’t want to come off as a prejudice or just stereotype all people from the Mideast, but they ALL hate dancing more than the parents in “Foot Loose”.  I am pretty sure that anyone who participated in this flash mob committed at least 10 crimes.  Dancing, conspiracy to commit dancing, skin showing, hip shaking, lewd public behavior, and advocacy of American pop culture…just to name a few.  I think all those people who were recording it on their phones were just collecting evidence.  The dancers are effed.  This guy knows what I am talking about…

PS: Did anybody see the new “Foot Loose” movie and was it awesome?

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Video explaining Deja Vu

November 7, 2011 Leave a comment

 

This is interesting, but I am pretty sure I have seen this exact same video before.

 

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The internet is a skinny little bitch

October 31, 2011 1 comment

 

50 grams!!?!? That’s all the internet weighs?!?!?! That’s incredible.  The internet must have a severe eating disorder.  But on the other hand…sex burns a lot of calories and if half of all internet activity is porn(conservative estimate) then the internet is constantly working out.

 

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LOCKS OF THE CENTURY: NFL Week 8

October 28, 2011 Leave a comment

Lots of easy games this week.  Thank you Vegas/Costa Rica.  Parlay these if you want to be a thousandaire by monday morning.

Jacksonville Jaguars +9.5 at Houston Texans

Rumors are that Andre Johnson may suit up for this one, but even if he doesn’t the Texans are covering this spread with ease.  Jacksonville is coming off an emotional upset win where they beat the Ravens in front of dozens of their fans on Monday night.  Short week, on the road, against a division opponent that is getting healthy…

Arizona Cardinals +12.5 at Baltimore Ravens

I would not want to be the Cardinals this week(or any week for that matter, but especially this week) because the Ravens are PISSED.  They just got embarrassed on National TV and will be looking to make a statement in a bounce-back game.  Ravens roll at home.

New Orleans Saints -13.5 at Saint Louis Rams

The Rams suck.  No getting around it.  They are firmly entrenched in the “Suck for Luck” sweepstakes.  Just terrible.  Drew Brees can’t miss right now and the Saints are scoring in the 30s for sure.  Which means the Rams will likely have to score 20+ to cover…ask yourself  ‘Self, do I think the Jay Feeley led Rams can score 3 TDs?’…

 

New England Patriots -3 at Pittsburgh Steelers

Superstar humanitarian Uggs wearing stud vs a convicted(alleged) rapist…

 

60% of the time I am right…every time.

 

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