I have been trying to explain the depths of my hatred for the Miami Heat for some time now and nobody quite seems to be able to fully grasp it, so I have decided to put it in context by using a historical reference. You see that old guy above? That’s Cato. Often referred to as “Cato The Elder” or “Cato The Wise”. The guy was just a boss of a Roman Senator. Everyone loved and respected Cato. War Hero, intellectual, and all around superstar of the Roman Empire. When Cato spoke, you better goddamn listen. Cato could speak and debate about anything. Welfare, taxes, education…but there was one thing he was really passionate about…his hatred of Carthage. Carthage was this rival city-state in North Africa who were really a bunch of ancient dickheads. Just tyrants who ruled with an iron fist and gave its people zero rights and had no respect for rule of law. Cato was the largest advocate for man’s inalienable right to govern themselves. So Carthage stood against everything that Cato believed down to his core. Cato loved liberty, democracy, and self-determination and he FUCKING HATED Carthage. As he should. So it didn’t matter what Cato happened to be debating in the Senate on any particular day…education, healthcare, welfare, taxes, etc…he would end every speech with the same mantra; “Carthago delenda est” which means Carthage must be destroyed.
Well that is exactly how I feel about the Miami Heat. Miami delenda est. Miami must be destroyed. They are an attack on everything I love about sports. They have no honor. The Heat are selfish, arrogant, entitled, punks who parade around like they are the greatest thing in the world even though they have never won a thing. Playing dress up and pretending to be tough. Flopping. They show no perseverance. Lebron knew he had to join up with a collection of all-stars because he couldn’t win as the leader of a team. No loyalty. No passion. Not a care in the world except what the world thinks of them and individual accolades. David Stern and his minion referees have handed two conference finals games to Lebron and the Heat. The Heat didn’t earn two wins fair and square, they were given the wins…and that is probably just fine with Miami because they feel as though things should be given to them. Stern realizes that Lebron is the league’s best player and most recognizable star. It’s not good for business if everyone fucking HATES the guy who should be the biggest money maker for the NBA. So David Stern is obviously trying to legitimize Lebron James by giving him MVPs and handing him a Championship on a silver platter. That diminishes what makes sports great. Sports are the greatest dramas because they are honest. Victories are earned. That’s not what is happening in the Eastern Conference Finals. The Heat are flopping, whining, and stealing games that they haven’t earned. Then they gloat on the floor and talk shit in the press while wearing their douche bag hipster glasses as though they are some kind of great team. Quite simply, the Miami Heat are an affront to American society. If they win, we all lose. Therefore, Miami delenda est…Miami must be destroyed.
PS: I know this reference is a little outside the box, but look it…I just know stuff. I am a renaissance man who can speak on politics, history, science, sports, music and reality tv. Broad spectrum of interests. You’re welcome for the history lesson and the most apt analogy in the history of sports media.
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