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Mid 20s Guide To Dating: How to play games…literally

February 15, 2012 Leave a comment

(Omaha)–Bingo! Kaleb Michaud found his passion for European board games after playing The Settlers of Catan with a college friend who worked for a games magazine. Balderdash! Although that game and others like it were plentiful abroad, he had trouble finding them here. But was it a Trivial Pursuit? Definitely not. The games are challenging, easy to learn and fun. They offer a chance for friends, including families with children, to get together socially without doing the bar scene. And these games generally don’t take forever to finish. By dogged determination, Michaud (pronounced “mish you”) scoured the Internet and game stores. Over time, he has amassed 1,500 board games — make that 1,504, since last weekend — to fill the shelves of a large entry closet and a small room in the basement of his Dundee home. Michaud, 37, is single with a cat named Qbert, who demands a certain amount of attention. But Michaud, who is somewhat allergic to cats, keeps her out of the carpeted game storage room.

Umm…really bro? Board games, that’s your thing?  Kaleb Michaud, I’ve got news for you….nobody ever got laid by living alone with a cat named Qbert with a closet full of 1500 board games.  Wake up buddy.  This isn’t the 20th century anymore.  If you ever want to play doctor with a girl, you need to stop playing Operation.  The game you need to be playing is Words With Friends.

(Wall St Journal)–Last summer, Kyla Smith spelled S-E-X-Y in Words With Friends, an online Scrabble-like app on her phone. It won her more than just 13 points—it won her love. Stephen Monahan met Britney Hilbun by clicking ‘random opponent’ last year. Eventually her opponent, Charles Briggs, became her boyfriend. Up to that point, the two hadn’t met in person. She lived in Texas, he lived in Arkansas. They met through the “random opponent” feature of Words With Friends, which matches up anonymous players. The game is played by nearly 20 million people a month on Facebook, and countless more on smartphones. Players take turns moving letter tiles on a virtual board, trying to rack up points by spelling out words. For Ms. Smith, her flirty word was a joke. But Mr. Briggs says it showed him that they shared more than an affection for spelling. While playing Words With Friends with her, he says, “There was that little spark.” He thought: “This girl is pretty awesome.” In Scrabble-speak, you might call it a double word score: Since launching in 2009, Zynga Inc.’s Words With Friends has transformed at least a few lovers of words into lovebirds.

Now that’s how it’s done.  Random play indeed.  Chucky Briggs just dropping s-e-x-y points and bringing home a blue-eyed blonde.  Out kicking his coverage big time.  Now I don’t want to be mean to Chuck, but his breasts are bigger than his fiance’s.  Normally for a guy like Chuck to out-kick his coverage like that he’d have to be a) hilarious b) rich or c) the chick is Russian.  Not the case here.  Chuck is just your average, over-weight American male who snagged a babe because his Words With Friends game was tight.  Just maximizing that chat feature and showing off his lexicon.  That is how you play games.

 

PS: Invalid tile placement on that on that proposal

 

PPS: How many random games do you think I have played since I read this story?

 

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Mid 20s Guide to dating: Tupac and I have more in common than you’d think

February 13, 2012 Leave a comment

 

Amen, Tupac Amen.  Tupac effing gets it.  He gets a lot of friends because he has respect for women.  Key word: Friends.  Nice guys finish last.  Being an asshole isn’t really in my nature…but looks like it wasn’t in Tupac’s either…but he was able to change.

 

Hmm…on second thought…maybe I’ll just be a nice guy and hope for the best.  I mean, what girl wouldn’t want this…

Happy Valentine’s Day.  Holler at me.

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Mid 20s Guide to Dating: How to fire on Sarah Kustok

January 13, 2012 Leave a comment

Look, I don’t want to hate on this guy because that took a lot of balls, but c’mon bro.  Your go to move is to tell her that you suck at sports, you love your sister, and say “I love you. You’re so pretty and beautiful“? That’s pathetic.  Girls like Sarah don’t go for the desperate Teddy Bear guy.  Sarah Kustok wants the alpha male blogger-type like every other hot chick on the planet.  So even though I covered what to do in this situation last week, here is a complete break down.

Step 1: Walk up and fire a slapshot off the cross-bar.  Show your power and let that noise ring like a tuning fork. Then turn around and give her a wink

Step 2: With your second shot you show finesse.  Sail a sauce pass through the air that lands softly right at the goal line.

Step 3: When Sarah comes over and starts asking you questions.  Act like you’ve been there before

Step 4: She is going to pepper you with questions about your talent. Be humble and aloof.  Try not to tell her how you used to beat the shit out of Ben Smith and Jimmy Hayes in prep school hockey.

Step 5: Tell her you’re a blogger

Step 6: When taking the shot for the grand prize, don’t clown around.  Just snap it in there with authority.

Step 7: Tell Sarah you just won a vacation to anywhere in the world and that she can come.

Step 8: When Sarah asks you what you are doing after the game, tell her you have plans, but would like to hang out soon.

Step 9: Take Sarah out for a nice seafood dinner

Step 10: Use your imagination…

Step 11: Never call her again.

And that gentlemen is how you court Sarah Kustok.  It’s not that hard.  You’re welcome.

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Chicks dig guys with effed up faces, right?

December 5, 2011 Leave a comment

 

Hell to the no.  Look it bro, hate to break it to ya, but chicks don’t dig parkour.  Its not even a real sport.  They especially don’t like guys with broken faces.

 

 

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Mid 20s Dating Guide: Trying to have a “booty call” girl

November 14, 2011 Leave a comment

The Smoking GunA Tennessee woman who said she wanted a relationship–and did not want to be just “a booty call”–allegedly stabbed a male suitor Tuesday night after he became irate when she put the brakes on his attempts to “touch her suggestively,” police report. Oh, did we mention that the two are first cousins? Erica Wilson, 21, and Jesse Brooks, 32, were arrested and charged with aggravated domestic assault following a brawl in Brooks’s home in Rogersville. The combatants are pictured in the above mug shots. Wilson told a sheriff’s deputy that she and Brooks had “gotten into an argument about the status” of their relationship. It was during the argument, Wilson reported, that Brooks “began to touch her suggestively and stated that ‘he wanted her.’” In response, Wilson told her cousin that she “wanted a relationship and did not want to be ‘A Booty Call,’” according to a Hawkins County Sheriff’s Office report. The latter comment allegedly infuriated Brooks, who began cursing at Wilson, and then allegedly knocked her to the kitchen floor with a flurry of punches. Fighting back, Wilson grabbed a pair of scissors and slashed away at her cousin’s face, neck, arms, and back. An investigator noted that Wilson and Brooks, who smelled of booze, admitted to consuming significant amounts of Everclear grain alcohol. Since a “primary aggressor” could not be determined, both cousins were arrested. Wilson, a Taco Bell employee, bonded out of jail yesterday after posting $4000 bond. Her cousin remains locked up in the county jail in lieu of $4000 bond. Both are set to be arraigned in Sessions Court later this month.

Ok, first things first…I erased where this story was from to make it interactive.  You guys have to guess where the first cousins booty call couple is from:

Are they from:

a) The South

b) The South

c) The South

d) The South

e) Other

 

Now down to business.  Guys…if you are trying to find a girl who is cool with just casually hooking up and being a booty call…quit now.  If you think you have a girl who is cool with being a casual hook up girl…you are a moron and you don’t.  I don’t care what that girl says, girls are NEVER cool with just hooking up.  She will say whatever she has to say to keep you around, but at the end of the day she is calling you her boyfriend to her friends and is planning a wedding.  That’s just how girls operate.  It doesn’t matter how much you want to keep it casual because the chick wants it to be exclusive and serious that much times a billion.  Eventually it’s either gonna be serious or your going to get assaulted and/or murdered.

I am sure this chick wanted to announce their engagement at Thanksgiving dinner, but this dude wasn’t having it.  The girl did what 110% of chicks would do in this situation and tried to cut holes in his face.  This guy has nobody to blame but himself.  The guy is obviously a slow learner.  Odds are that his parents were cousins too.

 

PS: The correct answer to the question above was…The South.  Specifically Tennessee.

 

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Marriage Proposals are getting out of hand

October 10, 2011 2 comments

 

 

Seriously bro?!?!?! I am getting really tired of all these crazy ass wedding proposals.  Like, I am not close to getting married so by the time I decide to make some lucky girl’s dreams come true I am going to have to propose on the moon or something.  People need to relax.  What ever happened to just getting down on one knee and popping the question?

 

 

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Ladies, am I too good looking to be the man of your dreams?

October 4, 2011 1 comment



(Daily Mail)–Romcoms and Mills and Boon novels might give the impression that all women are after a tall, blonde, mysterious Adonis. But the reality is slightly less glamorous. Six out of 10 women prefer a Mr Average, a new study has found. We crave dependability, domesticity, a little romance, humour and someone who is not that much taller than we are. A OnePoll survey of 3,000 women of all ages, conducted by Orangina, found that women overwhelmingly favoured a decidedly average guy – aged 30 to 45, 5ft 10in, dark haired, a good cook, in full-time employment but with a creative side – possibly a part-time musician or artist or blogger*. More than half (58 per cent) of the UK female population said their ideal man would be aged between 30-45 with just 23 per cent demanding that Mr Right be in his 20s. Eight out of 10 women said he would have dark hair. While only two per cent said they could go for a redhead. Four out of 10 want Mr Right to be 5ft 10in or smaller, and fewer than a quarter want him to be 6ft or over. Orangina spokesman, Steven Simpson, said: ‘We were quite shocked by the results, to be honest. ‘The least popular UK male would be a red-haired, 6ft tall, 20-something banker, according to our study. ‘We expected British women to demand a sexy French accent and a staggeringly tall frame on their ideal man. Instead, we have discovered that what women really want in Mr Right is dependability, domesticity, a little romance, humour and an average size in height terms. ‘It seems the boy next door has suddenly made a staggering comeback in the popularity stakes while the hunky sports-mad jock we expected to see at the top of the list, is surprisingly out of favour.’ Despite their love of ‘Mr Average’, UK women still dream of an exciting (if not very original) proposal with almost a third (31 per cent) claiming that the Eiffel Tower is the most romantic place in the world to pop the question. Putting that much preparation into a marriage proposal is likely make it successful no matter what you look like.

*editor’s amendment

Well this explains a lot.  I have been single for some time now and I couldn’t figure out why. I mean I am putting out the vibe at the bar.  Just blue steel all over the place, sick dance moves, buying drinks, holding doors, and of course being witty as hell.  I really thought I was a catch, something wasn’t adding up.  Now I know, my face is just too damn symmetrical.  CURSE THESE GENES!!!  Girls want a guy that is 5’10″…well I tower over guys girls want standing at 6’1″(6’2″ with Uggs on).  I mean being too tall dark and handsome is the only thing holding me back at this point, and to think I almost got on the treadmill today.  Seriously though girls, don’t be intimidated by my looks.  I am very approachable.  Give me a chance and I will show that I am average at almost everything.

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