Home > Guide to Women, Internet Sensation > Mid 20s Dating Guide: What Yahoo! says about Pets

Mid 20s Dating Guide: What Yahoo! says about Pets

 

This one is for the ladies.  Yahoo did a piece about what a Pet says about a guy. I’ll simplify it for you.

(Yahoo!)–What type of pet a man owns says a lot about who he is and how he lives his life. When you meet someone who has a pet, it’s just not the same as meeting someone who is pet-free. There’s a good chance his pet will affect your dating life – especially if it’s a dog or cat, since those tend to become the center of a person’s life.

Cat

Oh, you’ve found a sensitive fella! And he’s not only sensitive, but just loves to send you photos of his cat all day long and post them on Facebook and Twitter. I’m not sure why this is, but guys with cats are prone to such things. Also, although Mitten the Kitten can stand spending a night alone thanks to her litter box, the fact remains that she gets very lonely when her owner isn’t there. This means you’ll be spending most, if not all nights, at his place. Mitten the Kitten needs him! Why can’t you understand that?

If a guy owns a cat…he’s gay.  If he says he likes your cat he is either gay or a liar or both.  Cats suck.

Fish

If your guy has a tank full of fish, he just may be low on the emotions, and is probably even “cold as a fish” in bed. Pets are meant to be cuddled, not watched! Sure, maybe he has some sort of allergy to furry pets, but there’s just something weird and “Dr. Evil” to me about a guy who only owns fish as pets.

This broad doesn’t know what she is talking about.  I don’t own fish, I have never owned a fish…but I like the idea of fish.  Not like a goldfish, but like cool exotic fish.  Fish aren’t really a pet.  They are more like decoration.  Like moving art that you have to feed every once in a while.  If the guy you’re seeing has cool fish he is probably some kind of wicked cool, rich, hilarious blogger…at least that’s what will happen when I own fish.

Parrot

Again, not exactly a pet you can cuddle with, but at least you can pet it and teach it to say things. A fella with a pet parrot is probably the type who’s really impressed with himself. How can you tell? Well he’s taught his parrot to say the same pretentious and cheesy lines he’ll try on you during a first date. Great. The world definitely needs more parrot douchebags who repeat “Hey good-lookin’!” every 10 minutes.

I think Parrot or any bird is a close cousin to the cat in this department.  If a guy owns a parrot he is gay 99 times out of 100.  That other time he probably so desperate and needy that he got himself a parrot to talk to at night.  You should pass on guys that have parrots.

Rabbit

The reason your man would have a pet rabbit is because he never had one when he was a kid, and now that he’s living on his own, he’s going to finally fulfill that dream. The rabbit’s name is probably something like “Rambo“or “Killer” to make up for the fact that he’s a dude who actually owns a fluffy bunny

When I was growing up the kid next door owned rabbits and he was literally psycho.  Just the weirdest kid ever.  Would hide in the bushes and yell like indian war cries or some shit as me and my buddies were playing basketball and sometimes shot arrows into my family’s yard. Like real arrows.  Do you really want to date somebody like that?

Snake

Seriously? A grown man with a snake? Does he drive a Camaro and rock a Metallica shirt circa 1986? Oh, you say he wants you to watch him feed a mouse to his snake on your second date? One word: Run. Run. Run

Snakes scare the absolute shit out of me.  They have my entire life.  I am man enough to admit that I have a fear of snakes.  Any guy who owns a snake is just trying to prove how tough he is. 

Dog

If he owns a dog, your man is loyal and can actually commit, because owning a dog is as close to having a child as it comes. While other pets can be left for an evening or two, dog ownership doesn’t allow for such behavior. But the major problem here is just how obsessed he is with his dog, because if he lets that puppy sleep in his bed every night, then you better get used to his dog witnessing your sexy times. Some people do not like an audience when they’re about to reach climax.

This chick makes some valid points about guys that own dogs.  Guys that own dogs are obviously the best, but guys that are obsessed with their dogs are weird.  Might as well be cat people.  What you want is a guy who has dogs that he outwardly hates, but sneaky loves them.  The kind of guy who complains about the dogs all the time, but then when one of them ran away he had a minor heart attack until some nice woman returned him.  You want the guy who would never dream of letting the dog sleep in the bed, or even the same room…but loves using them as foot rest while watching TV at night.  Hmm..where could you girls find someone like that…

 

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  1. Cara
    April 19, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Cat people in general are odd. Snakes are gross and creepy. Birds are irritating. Dogs are cute, but watching sexy time? Not a fan of that one. :)

  2. mab
    April 19, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    That is the cutest dog ever!

  3. April 19, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Not sure if I agree or disagree with any of what you wrote, but it’s FUNNY! (Hope you never run into the grown up version of the Bunny-Kid!)

  4. April 23, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    “If the guy you’re seeing has cool fish he is probably some kind of wicked cool, rich, hilarious blogger…at least that’s what will happen when I own fish.”
    Maybe, if you got rich off of a trust fund, and by ‘hilarious’ you mean mediocre at best. No way you’re making money off of stealing some one else’s articles and badly adding your own opinions.

    • HERB
      May 2, 2012 at 5:49 pm

      Hey Christian: ever heard of REACTIONARY LITERATURE?! If it exists in medical journals, it is certainly ok do to the same with a Yahoo article…plus it IS hilarious and awesome. You WISH you were this fly. Keep doin’ your thang, chief!

  5. HERB
    May 2, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    Hey Christian: ever heard of REACTIONARY LITERATURE?! If it exists in medical journals, it is certainly ok do to the same with a Yahoo article…plus it IS hilarious and awesome. You WISH you were this fly. Keep doin’ your thang, chief!

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