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Archive for April, 2012

Kim Il-Sung’s 100th Birthday Party looked pretty sweet

April 30, 2012 Leave a comment

 

Hmm…maybe I was wrong about this whole capitalism thing.  I mean look how happy they are in North Korea.  Who needs freedom, or electricity or food when you’ve got panda bears, fake missiles, and birthday cake?  Hey North Korea…are you guys hiring?

 

 

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Everyone associated with Lebron must be a douche. Let’s boycott Nike

April 30, 2012 1 comment

A Nike shoe designer mocked Derrick Rose’s season-ending ACL injury on Twitter on Sunday, igniting a firestorm of criticism on the social media website. Jason Petrie, who designed LeBron James’ signature sneakers, tweeted that Rose should have signed with Nike after the Chicago Bulls superstar tore his ACL in the final minutes of Game 1 of Chicago’s Eastern Conference quarterfinals series against the Philadelphia 76ers. “You got one guy only getting stronger, and one guy breaking down before our very eyes. You chose poorly Pooh… #shouldasignedwithNIKE #GWS,” Petrie wrote, referring also to James and Heat’s 33-point Game 1 victory over the New York Knicks. Rose signed long-term deal with rival shoemaker adidas in February. Petrie’s comments drew enough outrage that Petrie tried to assuage his followers, tweeting: “Y’all take sh#t too serious! Never want to see anyone get hurt- I hope DRose comes back stronger than ever, he’s too good…” FoxSports.com reported Sunday that Petrie then went back on the offensive Saturday, writing, “Just to set the record straight- if you ain’t with me you against me, and if that’s the case I don’t give a F about you!”

On Sunday morning, Petrie apologized for his comments.

“Wow! Twitterverse I do apologize. It was really just tongue n cheek! Never meant any harm or disrespect!,” he tweeted.

“As a brand that is passionate about sport, we recognize the intense level of play that every athlete has engaged in during this basketball season and respect the dedication it takes to compete,” Nike said in a statement Sunday. “One of our basketball footwear designers posted comments online that we feel are inappropriate, and he has since apologized. We wish anyone who is injured a speedy recovery.”

 

Lebron’s a douche, Wade is a douche, Bosh is a douche, Nike is a douche, and this Adam Petrie is a douche.  Seriously bro, you can stick your sorrys in a sack.  Derrick Rose obviously made the right choice not signing up with these assholes over at Nike.  I’ll take Derrick Rose in 2013 with a surgically repaired knee over Lebron and his band of pretentious losers any day of the week.  Derrick Rose will just come back hungrier and stronger than ever.  Meanwhile Lebron and his posse will be the same losers…throwing themselves birthday parties, playing dress up, flopping like a bitch, and not winning.  Lebron is Nike now.  Making fun of Dirk last year for being sick(right before he snatched a championship from them) and now making fun of Rose for being injured.  Rose hates everyone already, but I think maybe this will provide him with a little extra motivation.  So go to hell Lebron. Go to hell Nike.  I won’t be buying one stitch of your clothing until LBJ get’s fired.  He is just a bald asshole.

 

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Katherine Jenkins playing hard to get…I dig it

April 30, 2012 1 comment

I was scrolling through my twitter feed today and my girl Katherine Jenkins was giving shoutouts to all these different people.  Just a bunch of Johnny-come-lately bandwagon jumpers that haven’t loved Katherine like I have.  Literal twitter kisses to some bro in Louisiana.  At first I was a little pissed.  Like WTF Katherine?  How are you going to play me like that?  Like I practically invented loving Katherine Jenkins and she flat refuses to acknowledge my presence.  But then it hit.  It was so obvious.  She is just playing hard to get.  Hey Kathy baby…I LOVE that game.  I’ll play it like Lionel Richie baby…all night long.  I’ve got dedication like you read about.  This is basically how it starts out with every girl I have ever been with.  They just act as though I am no big deal and they aren’t interested…then I just wear them down with humor, dancing ability, and sheer determination.  Then bam…they fall in love.  So let’s see that rumba tonight you little Welsh Wiggler.  I can feel your better judgement cracking.  And just remember….

PS: Hey @RanAnderson from Chicago…beat it bro

PPS: If Katherine Jenkins’s type isn’t the funny guy with Jackson Harris’s face and Henrik Lundqvist’s hair then I don’t know what to do.

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Chick calls police because man asked her out…at 5am…drunk…and naked.

April 30, 2012 2 comments

(West Palm Beach)–When a woman heard someone knocking at the door of her apartment in the 600 block of South Sapodilla Avenue at 5 a.m., she went to investigate. She looked out the peephole to see her 31-year-old male neighbor standing naked. She walked away, only to hear the doorknob jiggling as the man tried to open the door. The woman called security, who in turn called the police. An officer spoke to the neighbor, who denied standing naked in front of his neighbor’s door; he said it was a friend. He declined to provide police with the name of the friend and said he would take full responsibility for the incident. He also mentioned he had been drinking and had “one too many.” The woman asked for the incident to be documented but declined to prosecute. The man apologized.

This is why dealing with chicks is the absolute worst.  Like honey, what more could you possibly want from this guy?  I mean this guy has obviously had a crush on his neighbor for a while and finally decided to act on it.  Sure he could have just sent her an email or called her up or asked out with clothes on….BORING!!!  It’s called a grand gesture, ever heard of it?  I mean Jesus Christ, it’s so frustrating.  Chicks complain that chivalry is dead, but then call the cops when guys try to be romantic.  This guy put it all out on the line.  I think the nakedness was probably just a metaphor, like he was exposing his true feelings by being naked.  And yeah…he was drunk…so what?  Asking out a girl can be nerve-wracking.  Bro was probably just trying to take the edge off.  I am glad this guy didn’t get arrested, because that would have just been injury to insult.  He took his rejection in stride.  No worries bro, there are plenty of chicks in the sea.  You don’t want to be with your up-tight neighbor anyways.  Clearly she wouldn’t know romance if it was standing naked at her door.  Keep doing your thing man, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

 

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Former Miss New Hampshire arrested for assault…or was she?

April 30, 2012 1 comment

 

(Union Leader)–A former Miss New Hampshire USA title holder was arrested earlier this week on charges she assaulted her boyfriend during an argument, city police said. Nicole Houde, 26, who won the 2010 Miss New Hampshire USA crown, was charged with simple assault after allegedly punching, kicking, scratching and biting Scott Nickerson, 33, of Manchester, on Wednesday, police Lt. Michael Hurley said. Hurley said the two were apparently arguing over his allegations she was having an affair and Nickerson took her cell phone and wouldn’t return it. He said she was later arrested while at work.

I am sorry, but there is just no way that is the same person.  No chance in hell.  Nicole Houde was an absolute rocket just two years ago.  I refuse to believe that she can look like that girl in the mug shot in that short amount of time.  There is some serious identity fraud, character assassination type shit going on up there. Nicole is being framed.  We need to rip the face off of this broad Scooby Doo style.   #FREENICOLE.

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Horny Jesus hits Cop with massive butt. Gets death penalty

April 30, 2012 1 comment

(Norway)–Dramatic scenes unfolded on a small island off the south coast of Norway on Saturday evening when Jesus the billy goat got gruff with a mother and her child. The terrified holidaymakers sought shelter in a tree while the father of the family called the police. Arriving on the island in the Søgne region, officers quickly found that the horny 80-kilo creature was in no mood to be grilled by the law, news website fvn.no reports.  “It charged straight at a constable, leading to what can only be described as a fight between the two. It was really angry,” police officer Børge Steinsland told fvn.no. When Jesus refused to relent, the officers had little choice but to whip out the weapon nearest at hand, Steinsland said. “They were quite simply forced to use pepper spray to drive the wild animal away.” The animal’s owner, Tor Brede Launes, conceded that the attacks on police and civilians spelled the end for the five-year old goat. “Clearly he can’t behave like this. He’ll probably be replaced by Midsummer,” he said, adding that Jesus was destined for the barbecue.

Too funny of a headline to ignore.  Can’t add anything to that.

 

 

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Apple really sticking it to Obama: Saves at least $2.4 Billion in taxes

April 30, 2012 3 comments

(Newser)–Apple is one of the most profitable companies in the world—and also one of the most aggressive and creative at avoiding taxes, reports the New York Times, which outlines a number of the company’s tax-avoidance strategies. Among them:

  • Despite its well-known Cupertino, California, headquarters, Apple partly avoids the state’s 8.84% corporate tax rate by directing some of its profits to a subsidiary in Nevada, where there are no corporate state taxes. (Almost poetically, that subsidiary is named Braeburn Capital, after a tart yet sweet type of apple.)
  • Apple’s sales teams in high-tax countries sell on behalf of subsidiaries in low-tax countries, avoiding income taxes.
  • It employs a handful of employees in Luxembourg, where sales of items downloaded by customers in Europe and Africa are recorded—and taxed at a discounted rate.
  • It created the “Double Irish With a Dutch Sandwich,” a much-emulated tax-avoidance strategy of routing profits through the Netherlands to Ireland and then through the Caribbean.

 Apple says it is only following the law, but last year Apple paid $3.3 billion in cash taxes on $34.2 billion in profits worldwide—its US tax bill would have been about $2.4 billion higher without its tax-avoidance moves, according to one study. That gave Apple a tax rate of 9.8%, low even for a tech company, and much lower than Walmart’s 24%, which the Times describes as par for the course for non-tech companies. Apple’s situation illustrates a growing problem for governments around the world in the information age, as many technology companies sell digital items that can be sold from anywhere, and reap royalties from intellectual property like patents. To wit, the S&P 500’s 71 tech companies over the last two years paid a cash tax rate one-third lower than its fellow S&P firms.

 

IN YO FACE OBAMA!!! IN YO FACE!!! Just laundering money like you read about.  Vegas, Netherlands, Ireland, Cayman Islands, and Luxembourg tax shelters.  Just genius.  Saved themselves $2.4 billion in taxes.  Well done Apple, well done.  Now they are free to spend that money however they want.  More employees, innovation, marketing, boats, Jets, Steve Jobs robots, who gives a shit…it’s their money.  I wonder how all the hipsters that love their Apple products are going to feel about this.  They will probably be all petulant, calling this corporate greed, stealing from Americans, blah blah blah.  Just going to occupy Apple.  Coordinate all of their protests from their iPhones and iPads.  Meanwhile, I don’t want or need an iPad…but I kinda want to run out and buy one now to show capilalist solidarity.  U-S-A, U-S-A!!!

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