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Archive for March, 2012

86 year-old Grandma doing gymnastics

March 30, 2012 2 comments

 

 

This grandma is all over the internet today.  Everyone saying how great she is or whatever.  Umm…are you people watching the same video as me?  The whole performance sucked.  It was only 1:18 long and I almost fell asleep.  Seriously granny…could you pick a more boring song to do a floor routine too?  Was she good for a grandma…probably…was she good for gymnastics…HELL NO.  I feel like I am taking crazy pills lately.  This is just like the Britney Griner dunk.  She is 6’8″! If she can’t dunk she would literally be the worst athlete on the planet.  Her dunks were just dunks.  Nothing to be celebrated.  6’8″ people dunk on the reg.  It’s a non-story.  She and this grandma are getting press and praise because everyone disrespects women and old people.  I am not one of them.  I see us all as equals.  America used to be a meritocracy.  Where if you were good at something it meant you were good.  Not “oh you’re good…for a girl.  Let’s celebrate you“.  Eff that noise.  Am I the only one on Earth standing up for women’s rights?

 

PS: My Nana is 88, has been smoking two packs a day since she was 11 and is still going strong.  You tell me who the star is.

 

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I want this domesticated Grizzly Bear so badly I can taste it

March 30, 2012 1 comment

Jesus, I want this Grizzly Bear more than any animal I have ever posted on here(sorry wolf).  I mean look at this big guy… just a cuddly gentle giant. Totes adorbs. All he wants in the world is be loved on, wrestle, and maybe a pot of honey. Just look at that smile too.   I would throw my dog Riley down an elevator shaft and pay a bajillion dollars to have this Bear move in with me.  I don’t know, maybe even 2 bajillion.  I think it’d be worth it.  My only concern is if Grizzly Bears shed.  My dogs now shed like bastards 365 days a year and I HATE vacuuming.  So if Berky(that’s what I’d name him) can be like cross-bred with a poodle I think I am all in.  Just me, Katherine Jenkins, Berky, and my other dog Macky…one big happy family.

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Whoa, good save Santorum. Almost calls Obama the n-word

March 30, 2012 Leave a comment

Cutting it close there Ricky.  If he finishes that syllable I think Obama might have won the black vote.  To be fair though…Santorum stumbles over words a lot and this might have been just a mistake.

 

 

PS: I really think Santorum should make “I’m crazy and I’m right” his official campaign slogan.  Just embrace it Ricky.

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LOCK OF THE CENTURY: Final Four Edition

March 30, 2012 Leave a comment

In case you haven’t been paying attention, I have been absolutely murdering Vegas during the tournament.  Picking winners like 95% of the time. If you have been paying attention, then you know that the previous statement is bullshit.  Only hitting on like 65% of my picks during March Madness and my bracket has been shit since about midnight on the first Thursday.  Law of averages says that I will eventually go back to what I do best…and that’s picking winners.  Here are my National Semi-Final picks for Saturday.

Louisville +8.5 vs Kentucky

8.5 is a huge spread in a Final Four game, let alone a game between two of the biggest rivals in the country.  This is a line that Vegas is putting out there basically begging people to take Louisville.  Louisville is tough.  They are the Big East champs and they really get after you defensively for the full 40 minutes.  I just don’t think that is enough though.  Kentucky is a god damn power house.  They have zero weaknesses.  So even though Vegas is begging people to take Louisville with this 8.5 spread…I think it is a jedi mind-trick.  THE PICK: Kentucky

Ohio State -2.5 vs Kansas

I am so excited for this game. The Robinson vs Sullinger interior match-up is going to be great and which ever big man has the better game will more than likely be playing in the National Championship on Monday.  Typically when I don’t have a rooting interest in a game, I manufacture one to make it more interesting.  9 times out of 10 I will ride the BigTen team.  I was planning on doing that again, but Kansas came up with a real game changer.  A trending movement on twitter right now is #KUBoobs.  It’s exactly what you hoped it would be.  Just hot girls tweeting pics of their cleavage.  So…while my head and heart say Ohio State…my balls say Kansas.  Two votes for Ohio State, two votes for Kansas.  So the only logical thing to do here is…actually…you know what…boobs.  THE PICK: Kansas

 

PS: The reasons for picking OSU were good, but Kansas’s reasons were bigger.

 

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Miami Heat show Dwight Howard what being a douche bag is all about

March 30, 2012 Leave a comment

(TMZ)–Forget the Big Three … LeBron James, Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade are now a 1920s-era JAZZ TRIO — or at least they played one Tuesday night … at Bosh’s blowout 28th birthday party in Miami. It all went down at Miami’s Adrienne Arsht Center — James, Bosh and Wade took the stage and surprised the entire party with an impromptu jam sesh … and we’re told, they weren’t that bad. Other guests included … Timbaland, Heat President Pat Riley, and the entire Heat squad. Grammy winner Chrisette Michele also performed. Ain’t that just the bees knees …

 

So yesterday I went on a rant about how much I hate Dwight Howard and the entire NBA culture after he refused to join the team huddle during a timeout when his team was getting their doors blown off by the Knicks.  Dwight acting like he was above whatever the coach was saying and the reason they were getting destroyed wasn’t his problem.  Pissed me off to no end.  I thought it was the ultimate douche move.  I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Lebron James, Chris Bosh, and Dwayne Wade really teaching Dwight Howard a lesson here.  They know that being a dickhead is a full-time gig.  You can’t just be a douche bag on the floor.  They saw Dwight’s selfish sideline antics, and raised him a Chris Bosh 28th birthday bash that he threw for himself complete with photos of them pretending to be a jazz trio, a giant self-portrait, and once again playing dress up like a bunch of jackasses.  Being a world class NBA dickhead isn’t a role you play on a team…it’s a life style.  Everything you do…in your entire life…has to be about yourself.  Dwight, while a complete douche bag, probably needs to tighten up his game a little if he wants to get on the Heat’s level.

 

PS: A couple of things about these photos

  • I think Dwayne Wade and Lebron secretly HATE Chris Bosh.
  • Did Shane Battier’s invite get lost in the mail?
  • I want to puke

PPS: Hey Chris Bosh, I see what you are trying to do in that self-portrait and I don’t like it.  Back off bro, #SexyConstipated is my thing.

 

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BREAKING NEWS: Trent Richardson is kinda strong

March 29, 2012 Leave a comment

 

If this were any other player, I’d say this guy flopped, but Trent Richardson is a god damn freak of nature.  So not only do I think this is real, but I am kinda surprised that he didn’t knock down and/or knock out all three guys holding the bag.  In my opinion he is the best non-QB in the draft and the Browns would be morons if they passed on him.  Having said that…they are the Browns so they will probably do something like draft Ryan Tannehill at #4.

 

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Dwight Howard embodies everything that is wrong with the NBA

March 29, 2012 Leave a comment

Dwight Howard just summed up everything that is wrong with the NBA here in one minute.  The entire league has a culture problem.  It’s why I can’t stand the NBA.  It’s the most individual of the major team sports.  Guys in the NBA don’t give a shit about the fans, their teammates, or winning as long as they get theirs.  It’s shit like this that has me saying things like “I LOVE basketball, but I HATE the NBA”.  Great sport, terrible league.  Dwight Howard has put his organization through hell and back the past two seasons with all this “trade me, no…love me, fuck you trade me, no…wait nevermind…love me” bullshit.  Then he agrees not to opt out of his deal in Orlando basically to avoid people saying negative things about him.  Tells anyone who will listen that he is “all in” with the Magic.  Then a couple of weeks later he can’t be bothered to join his teammates in the huddle.  I have been saying the NBA culture sucks for years now, and I am glad Legler finally said it too.  I am so sick and tired of the me-first pampered little bitches in the NBA like Dwight, Carmelo, and Lebron.  They are ruining a great sport.  I am so thankful to live in a city where I can watch a superstar basketball player who gets it like Derrick Rose.  I think Rose is just as disgusted with the antics of the Lebrons of the league as I am.  I pray that he snatches championships away from Lebron and Dwight for the next decade.  END RANT.

 

PS: Sorry about the video and sound quality.  Just turn up your volume.

 

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