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Archive for March, 2012

LOCK OF THE CENTURY: Final Four Edition

March 30, 2012 Leave a comment

In case you haven’t been paying attention, I have been absolutely murdering Vegas during the tournament.  Picking winners like 95% of the time. If you have been paying attention, then you know that the previous statement is bullshit.  Only hitting on like 65% of my picks during March Madness and my bracket has been shit since about midnight on the first Thursday.  Law of averages says that I will eventually go back to what I do best…and that’s picking winners.  Here are my National Semi-Final picks for Saturday.

Louisville +8.5 vs Kentucky

8.5 is a huge spread in a Final Four game, let alone a game between two of the biggest rivals in the country.  This is a line that Vegas is putting out there basically begging people to take Louisville.  Louisville is tough.  They are the Big East champs and they really get after you defensively for the full 40 minutes.  I just don’t think that is enough though.  Kentucky is a god damn power house.  They have zero weaknesses.  So even though Vegas is begging people to take Louisville with this 8.5 spread…I think it is a jedi mind-trick.  THE PICK: Kentucky

Ohio State -2.5 vs Kansas

I am so excited for this game. The Robinson vs Sullinger interior match-up is going to be great and which ever big man has the better game will more than likely be playing in the National Championship on Monday.  Typically when I don’t have a rooting interest in a game, I manufacture one to make it more interesting.  9 times out of 10 I will ride the BigTen team.  I was planning on doing that again, but Kansas came up with a real game changer.  A trending movement on twitter right now is #KUBoobs.  It’s exactly what you hoped it would be.  Just hot girls tweeting pics of their cleavage.  So…while my head and heart say Ohio State…my balls say Kansas.  Two votes for Ohio State, two votes for Kansas.  So the only logical thing to do here is…actually…you know what…boobs.  THE PICK: Kansas

 

PS: The reasons for picking OSU were good, but Kansas’s reasons were bigger.

 

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Miami Heat show Dwight Howard what being a douche bag is all about

March 30, 2012 Leave a comment

(TMZ)–Forget the Big Three … LeBron James, Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade are now a 1920s-era JAZZ TRIO — or at least they played one Tuesday night … at Bosh’s blowout 28th birthday party in Miami. It all went down at Miami’s Adrienne Arsht Center — James, Bosh and Wade took the stage and surprised the entire party with an impromptu jam sesh … and we’re told, they weren’t that bad. Other guests included … Timbaland, Heat President Pat Riley, and the entire Heat squad. Grammy winner Chrisette Michele also performed. Ain’t that just the bees knees …

 

So yesterday I went on a rant about how much I hate Dwight Howard and the entire NBA culture after he refused to join the team huddle during a timeout when his team was getting their doors blown off by the Knicks.  Dwight acting like he was above whatever the coach was saying and the reason they were getting destroyed wasn’t his problem.  Pissed me off to no end.  I thought it was the ultimate douche move.  I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Lebron James, Chris Bosh, and Dwayne Wade really teaching Dwight Howard a lesson here.  They know that being a dickhead is a full-time gig.  You can’t just be a douche bag on the floor.  They saw Dwight’s selfish sideline antics, and raised him a Chris Bosh 28th birthday bash that he threw for himself complete with photos of them pretending to be a jazz trio, a giant self-portrait, and once again playing dress up like a bunch of jackasses.  Being a world class NBA dickhead isn’t a role you play on a team…it’s a life style.  Everything you do…in your entire life…has to be about yourself.  Dwight, while a complete douche bag, probably needs to tighten up his game a little if he wants to get on the Heat’s level.

 

PS: A couple of things about these photos

  • I think Dwayne Wade and Lebron secretly HATE Chris Bosh.
  • Did Shane Battier’s invite get lost in the mail?
  • I want to puke

PPS: Hey Chris Bosh, I see what you are trying to do in that self-portrait and I don’t like it.  Back off bro, #SexyConstipated is my thing.

 

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BREAKING NEWS: Trent Richardson is kinda strong

March 29, 2012 Leave a comment

 

If this were any other player, I’d say this guy flopped, but Trent Richardson is a god damn freak of nature.  So not only do I think this is real, but I am kinda surprised that he didn’t knock down and/or knock out all three guys holding the bag.  In my opinion he is the best non-QB in the draft and the Browns would be morons if they passed on him.  Having said that…they are the Browns so they will probably do something like draft Ryan Tannehill at #4.

 

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Dwight Howard embodies everything that is wrong with the NBA

March 29, 2012 Leave a comment

Dwight Howard just summed up everything that is wrong with the NBA here in one minute.  The entire league has a culture problem.  It’s why I can’t stand the NBA.  It’s the most individual of the major team sports.  Guys in the NBA don’t give a shit about the fans, their teammates, or winning as long as they get theirs.  It’s shit like this that has me saying things like “I LOVE basketball, but I HATE the NBA”.  Great sport, terrible league.  Dwight Howard has put his organization through hell and back the past two seasons with all this “trade me, no…love me, fuck you trade me, no…wait nevermind…love me” bullshit.  Then he agrees not to opt out of his deal in Orlando basically to avoid people saying negative things about him.  Tells anyone who will listen that he is “all in” with the Magic.  Then a couple of weeks later he can’t be bothered to join his teammates in the huddle.  I have been saying the NBA culture sucks for years now, and I am glad Legler finally said it too.  I am so sick and tired of the me-first pampered little bitches in the NBA like Dwight, Carmelo, and Lebron.  They are ruining a great sport.  I am so thankful to live in a city where I can watch a superstar basketball player who gets it like Derrick Rose.  I think Rose is just as disgusted with the antics of the Lebrons of the league as I am.  I pray that he snatches championships away from Lebron and Dwight for the next decade.  END RANT.

 

PS: Sorry about the video and sound quality.  Just turn up your volume.

 

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BY THE BEARD OF ZEUS!!! Anchorman 2 is officially happening

March 29, 2012 Leave a comment

 

If you haven’t already heard.  Ron Burgundy and the Channel Four News Team will be back for Anchorman 2.  Set to be released in two years.  Easily my favorite Will Ferrell movie ever and a top 5 all-time comedy.  Definitely the most quoted movie of this generation.  Just such a ridiculous character.  I couldn’t be more excited about this.  Anchorman is one of those movies that somehow gets funnier every time you see.  Let the games begin…HI-YO!!!

 

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Ray Lewis’s pregame speech to Stanford basketball will shake you to your core

March 29, 2012 Leave a comment

 

I honestly don’t know what I should do first…run through a brick wall, or change my underwear.  Ray Lewis is without a doubt the scariest athlete ever and whenever he decides he doesn’t want to play football anymore he is going to have one hell of a career as a motivational speaker.  This speech has me so fired up!! Pissed off for greatness indeed.  I am going to dedicate myself to being the greatest sports/smut blogger this town has ever seen.  WHO’S WITH ME!?!?!? This guy knows what I am talking about…

 

PS: The Blackhawks should hire Ray Lewis to speak before tonight’s game because even though the last blog I put up portrayed confidence in the Hawks, in actuality I give them about a 10% chance of winning tonight.

PPS: Imagine what Ray Lewis would have done for a Final Four game and not some losers bracket NIT bullshit.

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I AM SO READY FOR BLACKHAWKS VS BLUES!!!!

March 29, 2012 Leave a comment

I am making a triumphant return to the United Center tonight.  Haven’t been to a game in a while, but the team needs me now more than ever.  I HATE the Blues. Hate.  I refuse to believe they are actually better than us.  Ken Hitchcock is a great coach, but he isn’t Jesus.  I would never trade our roster for their roster.  They have had a good year, but I think the Blackhawks come out tonight and send a message that the Central Division still goes through Chicago.  The Hawks aren’t going to get punked by the Blues on our home ice.  The Blackhawks, with the additions of Shaw and Bollig, now have enough sand to free our best players to be our best players.  They can’t skate with us for 60 minutes.  LETS EFFING DO IT!!!

 

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What’s a day without a Katherine Jenkins blog?

March 29, 2012 Leave a comment

 

I was kinda hesitant to post this video.  There are less than 20,000 views which means I am pretty much the first one to see it.  Makes me a little sad though, to share this with everyone. I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice.

 

PS: You’re welcome.

 

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Well Bears fans…at least you’re not Browns fans. Funny Browns fan letter

March 29, 2012 Leave a comment

I kind of feel bad for the Browns fans…kind of.  It’s just…well…not everyone can be the Patriots.  The NFL needs ditch diggers too.

PS: I think the Browns know better than anyone that it doesn’t matter how many Belichick lemmings you hire…there is only one Darklord.

#DynastyReign

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Man saws off his own foot to avoid going back to work

March 29, 2012 Leave a comment

(HuffPo)–An unemployed Austrian man sawed his foot off, apparently to avoid being found fit to go back to work.
Hours before an appointment on Monday for the labor office to check on his health, the 56-year-old man held his left leg against an electric saw in his home workshop and severed his foot just above the ankle, Austrian broadcaster ORF reported.
Bleeding profusely, the man from the province of Styria then threw the foot into an oven, hobbled to his garage and called an ambulance. An emergency operation was unable to reattach the foot, ORF said.

I know a lot of people are going to say what a loser this guy is.  “what a bum.  Willing to cut off his own foot so he can get disability and not work. Blah Blah Blah.”.  I am not one of those people.  This guy knew what he wanted in life…and that was nothing…and he was willing to do anything to get nothing.  Even cut off his own foot.  That’s determination.  That’s sacrifice.  If there is one thing this guy learned in his 56 years on this planet…its that work sucks.  He’d rather live out the rest of his years limping around with government sponsored crutches than spend one more day slaving away for the man.  He is master of his domain.

 

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