Mid 20s Guide to Dating: How to fire on Sarah Kustok
Look, I don’t want to hate on this guy because that took a lot of balls, but c’mon bro. Your go to move is to tell her that you suck at sports, you love your sister, and say “I love you. You’re so pretty and beautiful“? That’s pathetic. Girls like Sarah don’t go for the desperate Teddy Bear guy. Sarah Kustok wants the alpha male blogger-type like every other hot chick on the planet. So even though I covered what to do in this situation last week, here is a complete break down.
Step 1: Walk up and fire a slapshot off the cross-bar. Show your power and let that noise ring like a tuning fork. Then turn around and give her a wink
Step 2: With your second shot you show finesse. Sail a sauce pass through the air that lands softly right at the goal line.
Step 3: When Sarah comes over and starts asking you questions. Act like you’ve been there before
Step 4: She is going to pepper you with questions about your talent. Be humble and aloof. Try not to tell her how you used to beat the shit out of Ben Smith and Jimmy Hayes in prep school hockey.
Step 5: Tell her you’re a blogger
Step 6: When taking the shot for the grand prize, don’t clown around. Just snap it in there with authority.
Step 7: Tell Sarah you just won a vacation to anywhere in the world and that she can come.
Step 8: When Sarah asks you what you are doing after the game, tell her you have plans, but would like to hang out soon.
Step 9: Take Sarah out for a nice seafood dinner
Step 10: Use your imagination…
Step 11: Never call her again.
And that gentlemen is how you court Sarah Kustok. It’s not that hard. You’re welcome.
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