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Archive for October, 2011

British Gus Johnson calling NCAA Water Skiing Championships

October 19, 2011 Leave a comment

 

 

This was FANNNNTASTIC!!! Just killed that play by play.  Other than the long awkward moments of silence, this has got to be one of the best calls in sports history.

 

PS: So does Ohio State just suck at everything? Because that water ski team pretty much mirrors their football team.

 

 

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Is this the ugliest thing you’ve ever seen?

October 19, 2011 Leave a comment

(HuffPo)–A one-eyed ‘cyclops’ shark fetus discovered in July is the real thing, according to scientists. The animal was discovered inside its mother, a dusky shark, who was caught in the Sea of Cortez earlier this year. Discovery News report that when photos of the shark first surfaced in the Pisces Fleet Sportfishing blog, many people thought the images were too bizarre to depict anything legitimate. The cute little bug-eyed individual looks more like a happy cartoon character than a real shark, especially when its mouth is held open. The 22-inch-long (56-centimeter-long) fetus has a single, functioning eye at the front of its head—the hallmark of a congenital condition called cyclopia, which occurs in several animal species, including humans, according to National Geographic.

 

Gross, get a tan bro…and a second eye.

 

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Just a slight fender-bender in Russia

October 19, 2011 1 comment

 

Hey bro, your truck has a hole in it. Might wanna get that checked out.

 

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Dog Plays Piano and he totally sucks

October 19, 2011 Leave a comment

I don’t want to come off as a hater because I can’t even get my dogs to stop eating my dress socks, but this is about the worst song I have ever heard.  You can’t just mash keys and howl along totally out of key and expect me to be impressed.

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Does anybody respect Lebron? Magic Johnson rips Lebron

October 18, 2011 Leave a comment

 

Has there ever been a time in the history of sports where the league’s most talented player was consistently the butt of every joke.  I mean NOBODY respects Lebron. Hell after seeing this McDonald’s commercial it’s like Lebron doesn’t even respect Lebron.

 

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Finding Jay Cutler a new celebrity girlfriend

October 18, 2011 1 comment

 

Look it, I don’t know why JayCav broke up, why they are trying to make it work, or if they are going to get back together.  Quite frankly, I am not a big fan of Kristin Cavallari.  I mean how can I respect a girl who’s entire life has been built around being a bitch in high school.  Girls like her are a dime a dozen.  Having said that, Jay obviously plays better when he has a sexbomb waiting for him at home.  And I enjoy Bears games more when we get camera shots of Jay’s hot celeb girlfriend. So I am on a mission to find him a new one.

The Bears are in London this week, so Jay needs to be hitting on the posh spots and firing hard on Pippa Middleton.

 

Pippa Middleton really stole the show at the Royal Wedding and that after hours party pic almost broke the internet.  I think most chicks would rather be with an NFL quarterback(even a shitty one like Jay) over a stupid prince so Pippa would have one up on her sister.  It makes too much sense not to happen.

 

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I NEED THIS LION!!!

October 18, 2011 Leave a comment

 

Lions are so awesome.  Just the king of the jungle.  Dominating the shit out of dumbass hyenas.  Having a lion that loves you would be about the coolest thing ever.  Probably the only reason to go to Africa is to befriend a Lion.  I’d be real tough if I knew I had a lion in my crew. Look at how ballsy Timon and Pumbaa they met Simba.  I’d be like that times a billion.

 

PS: I am on record with saying that I HATE cats.  Its true. However, if you think Lions are cats you are a moron.  A normal cat wouldn’t give a shit about the person that saved them.

PPS: I sneaky want to see that Lion King 3D…but sadly won’t see it.

 

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Chicago Woman Charged with domestic battery after throwing cupcakes

October 18, 2011 Leave a comment

(Chicago Tribune)–In the heat of a domestic dispute, a Chicago woman pelted her husband with cupcakes before police arrived to arrest her Saturday night, authorities said. The sweet evidence of her crime was visible on her husband’s head and shirt when officers responded to the home in the Brighton Park neighborhood on the Southwest Side, according to a police report. On Sunday morning, Cook County Circuit Judge Adam D. Bourgeois Jr. ordered electronic monitoring for the woman and a $10,000 bond. She is charged with a misdemeanor count of domestic battery. The fight started with a verbal quarrel about 7:45 p.m. at the home in the 4700 block of South Western Avenue, according to a police report, but escalated until the woman started hitting her husband over the head. After that, she reached for the box of desserts and directed a fusillade of snack cakes at his head and body, her husband told police. Several of the confections apparently hit their mark, as the man’s head and shirt were smudged with icing when officers arrived, according to a police report. He told officers he feared for his safety, and she was verbally aggressive with officers, the report states. Police said she admitted hurling the treats at her husband.

 

If you click on the link and read the entire article you’ll see that this is the first domestic issue this couple has had.  Let me go on record and say that if these two love birds can’t work it out, this chick can call me up for a date any time.  In fact, if on the first this girl threw cupcakes at me I seriously might propose right then and there.  I mean what is this guy’s problem? You feared for your safety bro? Was she gonna give you diabetes or something?

Hey baby, leave that loser.  I get you. I’ll appreciate you.  Let’s make this happen.  See you at Molly’s Cupcakes on Clark. I’ll be the guy dominating the shit out of all takers at Connect Four while crushing vanilla cupcakes with vanilla frosting and washing it down with a tall glass of milk.  Holler at me.

 

PS: In all seriousness, if you haven’t been to Molly’s Cupcakes you haven’t truly lived yet.

 

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Carson Palmer to Raiders for two 1st rd picks. Al Davis still running shit

October 18, 2011 Leave a comment

(ESPN)–Oakland and Cincinnati are on the verge of completing one of the NFL’s biggest trade-deadline deals in decades, with the Raiders acquiring holdout quarterback Carson Palmer from the Bengals in exchange for two first-round picks, according to sources familiar with the deal. The first first-round pick is in 2012 and the other is a conditional first-round pick in 2013. It’s a bold move for each team. Cincinnati is empowering a team it could be competing against for a playoff spot or even in the postseason. The Raiders are turning over another high pick for a quarterback that has been holding out and has struggled in recent seasons when some around the league questioned his arm strength. But ultimately, both sides believed it to be a gamble worth taking.

WOWZA!!! I don’t think there has ever been a trade that more perfectly summed up two terribly run franchises than this one.  The Bengals are trading a once very good quarterback to a team that they could be in direct competition with for a playoff spot.  Meanwhile the Raiders are mortgaging their future by giving away two first round picks for a guy that hasn’t been good in years and has shown no interest in playing football this season.  Somewhere Al Davis is smiling at this one.  Classic Raiders and classic bungles.

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Bill Gates has crazy stupid hops

October 18, 2011 Leave a comment

Bill Gates can play for(and sponsor) my rec league basketball team any day.

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