Archive for October, 2011

What’s cooler than being cool? Being Chief of Staff for Herman Cain

October 26, 2011 Leave a comment

I don’t know much, but I know that there is NOTHING cooler than voting for Herman Cain.

People are all up in arms over this campaign commercial.  Oh boo hoo, the guy endorsing Herman Cain looks so effing cool we can’t even handle it wah wah wah.  Look it Romney, you’re just jealous that you didn’t think of it first. Sorry you’re a square.  I mean smoking is as American as it gets.  The Indians gave it to us for shit sake.

PS: I don’t smoke. I hate the feeling of smoke in my lungs.  It smells gross.  I would never date a girl that was a smoker.  Having said all that, I sneaky wish I was a smoker.  Its just about the coolest vice there is.

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How did I not write this Tim Tebow Song

October 26, 2011 2 comments


This song is FRESH TO DEATH!!!  I mean just killer lyrics laid over phat Nicki Manaj beats.  Who could ever want anything more in a song.  I am 100% starting him in fantasy over stupid Tony Romo.


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So…#OccupyOakland has a little different feel than #OccupyChicago

October 26, 2011 Leave a comment

So I went down to Occupy Chicago last week and interviewed some people…it was interesting to say the least.  I am a rule follower, that’s just the way I was built.  Needless to say I was shaking pretty much the entire time.  I kept waiting for the police to arrest me, gas me, or for a hipster to steal my wallet.  One thing I didn’t fear was getting shot.  Effing Occupy Oakland isn’t messing around.  I am not sure who shot who, but shootings are pretty much par for the course.  Just murders on the reg, drug deals on the reg, gang wars on the reg.  If someone told me that this was just a video of “Oakland” instead of “Occupy Oakland”, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it.

PS: Full disclosure, I kinda think all of these Occupy Movements are stupid.  Having said that, Occupy Oakland is by far the dumbest.  A) who the hell wants to be in Oakland? B) San Fransisco is like two minutes away isn’t?  San Fran would just eat that shit up.  Why wouldn’t these people go to OccupySF?

PPS: Hey bros yelling “medic”…are you serious?  This isn’t Normandy…its a hipster rally.  Don’t yell for a medic like you just got shot busting into Al-Qaeda’s Bin Laden hide out.

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Mark Cuban looks really worried about the NBA Lockout

October 26, 2011 Leave a comment


The NBA Lockout is in day like 100 or something and they are cancelling like another two weeks of the season like every day.  The NBAPA better get their shit together and accept a deal like yesterday.  Mark Cuban seems to be doing just fine.  Billionaires are gonna beat millionaires who can’t miss a paycheck without having to declare bankruptcy 110% of the time.


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Patrick Kane is on a different level

October 26, 2011 Leave a comment


Full disclosure, I have always loved Patrick Kane.  His game is so unique.  He has tremendous skill and vision.  I have an extra appreciation for guys like Kane and Campbell because I could NEVER do the types of things that they do.  Having said all of that…Kane has taken his game to an entirely different level.  A level I didn’t know he could get to.  He is controlling the game.  The move to center was pure genius. Giving Kane more time on the puck and more space to work plays to his strengths and also forces him to be more responsible in his own end.  If Kane keeps this kind of play going, Hossa stays healthy, and the Blackhawks find a real top 6 player to play with them(Sorry CarBomb, you’re a 4th line guy), Kane just may win the scoring title and maybe the Hart Trophy.  His game is that special right now.  Blackhawk games should be appointment TV for hockey fans in every market.  He alone is worth the price of NHL center ice.


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Really Science, this is your best hover board?

October 25, 2011 Leave a comment

Look, I know I challenged science to get their shit together and make me a hover board, but this is so weak.  When I said hover board, I meant back to the future style.  Not some straight line frozen track.  Science is really mailing it in.

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NFL Week 7 Recap

October 24, 2011 Leave a comment

Tim Tebow is so good that he proves the first 55 minutes of a football game are irrelevant.  I mean the guy is a winner first and foremost.  Nobody should be questioning his ability at this point.  Even when he sucks he is great.  I mean look at his form here in this picture.  Just effing terrible.  Ball is starting way too low in his delivery.  Awful mechanics.  What you can’t see in this picture is his heart.Probably threw a TD pass here.

Colts are the leaders at the quarter-pole in the “Suck For Luck” Derby.  The Rams and Dolphins are hot on their tail though.  Manning face right there.  Peyton might realize that his days are numbered.  Colts should be embarrassed.  The Dolphins at least tried to win, but Tebow was simply too perfect…hard to beat a team with Jesus on their side.

I don’t want to be a prisoner of the moment, but Matt Forte is the best running back in the NFL.  He can do everything.  He is the only thing worth watching on the Bears offense.  I can’t wait to see how Jerry Angelo manages to piss him off enough to walk away at the end of this contract.

back to

They are who we thought they were.  Two losses in a row now and Matt Stafford is scheduled to have an MRI.  Too late to enter the Suck For Luck Derby.  Lions could find themselves on the outside looking in again.

The Chargers are the softest/dumbest team in the league hands down.  They had an opportunity to win a statement game and stand up for their coach after he was insulted during the week and they choked.  With a chance to win the game on a last-minute drive, the Chargers ran one of the worst 2 minute drills I have ever seen.  They are totally pathetic.  Anybody who thinks they are capable of rising up and winning a big game is a moron.

Cam Newton is AWESOME



That’s about all you need to know.  That…and that games in London are stupid.



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There is NOBODY I’d rather pro-create with than Paulina Gretzky

October 24, 2011 2 comments

Add “producing daughter that is crazy hot hot fire” to the list of accomplishments of Wayne Gretzky.  Following Paulina Gretzky on twitter is quite possibly the best decision I have made in 2011.  I need to figure out a way to marry this girl and I needed to do it yesterday.  I mean lets take a look at what she is bringing to the table  1) Her dad is my favorite athlete not named Tom Brady. Classiest superstar ever. Couldn’t love Wayne more if I tried.  2) See pics above 3) Mom, Janet, still bringing the heat herself in middle age 4) Brother is under contract with the Cubs 5) See points 1 and 2 6) I would no doubt achieve my dream of having my sons play in the NHL.  I am sure if Paulina read this blog she would be at my front door by the time I got home.  I mean I think every chick dreams about landing herself a blogger at the end of the day.  I think this could work.  Good luck resisting this, Paulina…

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Typical Cat Move

October 24, 2011 Leave a comment


This is why I hate cats.  Look at this adorable little kid just trying to pet the cat nicely, and this freaks the hell out and punches this shit out of the kid.  I am sure if that kid had some food or something the cat wanted the cat would have an entirely different attitude.  Instead, it just rabbit punched that kid right in its brain.  You would never see a dog do something like that.



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I want to save a baby calf so badly I can taste it

October 24, 2011 Leave a comment



If I don’t save a baby calf in my life I might just effing shoot myself.  I have seen it twice now.  Once in City Slickers, and now in this YouTube video.  Both times were awesome.  Baby calves  are adorable as hell.


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