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Archive for October, 2011

The internet is a skinny little bitch

October 31, 2011 1 comment

 

50 grams!!?!? That’s all the internet weighs?!?!?! That’s incredible.  The internet must have a severe eating disorder.  But on the other hand…sex burns a lot of calories and if half of all internet activity is porn(conservative estimate) then the internet is constantly working out.

 

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Eff that Baboon from this morning, I NEED THIS PUPPY

October 28, 2011 1 comment

Cutest damn thing I’ve seen all day. This reminds me of the puppy version of White Fang in “White Fang”.  Just the most precocious little half wolf half dog. Out there exploring the world after his mom got shot. So full of wonderment.  Adorable.

Here is question, how come cat videos dominate the internet?  I see probably 10 disgusting cat videos doing something annoying and/or stupid before I come across an awesome dog video.  I think it’s because deep down cat people know cats suck too, but they try to be more vocal about their cats because they are insecure.  Like who ever is loudest wins kind of thing.  Enough already cat people.  I know cats suck, you know cats suck…nobody is judging you.

PS: Hey cat people, I am totally judging you. If you are a guy and you “love your cat”…you’re 100% gay.

PPS: If you haven’t seen White Fang…you need to take a long look in the mirror.  Your life would probably much different(better) if you saw it as a kid.

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LOCKS OF THE CENTURY: NFL Week 8

October 28, 2011 Leave a comment

Lots of easy games this week.  Thank you Vegas/Costa Rica.  Parlay these if you want to be a thousandaire by monday morning.

Jacksonville Jaguars +9.5 at Houston Texans

Rumors are that Andre Johnson may suit up for this one, but even if he doesn’t the Texans are covering this spread with ease.  Jacksonville is coming off an emotional upset win where they beat the Ravens in front of dozens of their fans on Monday night.  Short week, on the road, against a division opponent that is getting healthy…

Arizona Cardinals +12.5 at Baltimore Ravens

I would not want to be the Cardinals this week(or any week for that matter, but especially this week) because the Ravens are PISSED.  They just got embarrassed on National TV and will be looking to make a statement in a bounce-back game.  Ravens roll at home.

New Orleans Saints -13.5 at Saint Louis Rams

The Rams suck.  No getting around it.  They are firmly entrenched in the “Suck for Luck” sweepstakes.  Just terrible.  Drew Brees can’t miss right now and the Saints are scoring in the 30s for sure.  Which means the Rams will likely have to score 20+ to cover…ask yourself  ‘Self, do I think the Jay Feeley led Rams can score 3 TDs?’…

 

New England Patriots -3 at Pittsburgh Steelers

Superstar humanitarian Uggs wearing stud vs a convicted(alleged) rapist…

 

60% of the time I am right…every time.

 

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Rugby is kind of intense

October 28, 2011 1 comment

 

Umm…yikes.  I always thought I would be kind of a natural at Rugby.  I mean I always MVP of the Turkey Bowl and was Western Massachusetts player of the week.  So I thought I would transition nicely to Rugby.  After watching this video I realized that I am nowhere near tough enough for Rugby. I am not even tough enough to watch Rugby.

 

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Woman stabs boyfriend for cheating at Monopoly

October 28, 2011 1 comment

(Newser) – Monopoly and going directly to jail have never combined in such a literal fashion: A 60-year-old Santa Fe woman went straight to you-know-where after allegedly stabbing her boyfriend following a game of Monopoly gone wrong. Police say Laura Chavez copped to attacking the 48-year-old man with a kitchen knife; he was “bleeding heavily from his head and right wrist area” when authorities arrived shortly after midnight yesterday. The man says she also cracked a glass bottle over his head.

Chavez apparently thought her boyfriend was cheating at the game, which allegedly precipitated the argument and attack, reports the Santa Fe New Mexican. Shocking side note: The two had reportedly been drinking. Sad side note: Her 10-year-old grandson was playing the game, too, and witnessed the arguing—but luckily went to bed before the stabbing. Chavez has been charged with aggravated battery and resisting and assaulting a police officer, among other things. 

This is exactly why I flat-out refuse to play Monopoly any more.  Do you know how many times I have wanted to stab my opponent during a game of Monopoly…EVERY TIME.  It’s seriously a war of attrition and eventually somebody is going to snap. And that’s just a normal game of Monopoly, not a game where suspect your opponent of cheating.  Imagine you are in hour ten of Monopoly and you catch the Thimble asshole grabbing an extra $20 out of the bank…good luck not murdering that guy.  I mean at that point its do not pass go, do not collect one more effing cent, go directly to your death-bed. In hour ten I am probably just fighting to stay awake, building hotels on St Charles Place and running a successful railroad empire like a good 1%’er and if I caught someone cheating I’d freak out too, so I am not judging this chick at all.  I don’t think there is a jury in the world that would convict her.  Sometimes you need a little frontier justice.

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Hilarious video of online buying in real life

October 28, 2011 Leave a comment

 

I kinda dig British humor.  Dry and witty.

 

 

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I NEED THIS ADORABLE TALKING BABY BABOON

October 28, 2011 2 comments

 

I mean does it get any better than this?  I need this baby baboon so bad.  I would just love the shit out of it.  Shower it with attention.  My dumbass dogs might actually feel some pressure to step their game up.  The only problem with this baby baboon is that it will grow up to look like this…

Permanent face paint is not a good look.  I went with this picture because pictures from behind are down right offensive.  Adult baboons are like one of the ugliest creatures on the planet.  If only they looked like and were as wise as…

 

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