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Archive for September, 2011

I’d Play For This Guy Any Day: Mike Gundy Breaking It Down

September 28, 2011 Leave a comment

 

Mike Gundy is turning shit around at Oklahoma State.  They were NOTHING before he got there.  Once this video goes viral recruits will be COMING AFTER HIM.  He’s man, he’s 40, but he’s also a DANCING MACHINE.

 

 

PS: Barry Sanders Jr needs to just go ahead and make it official.  You’re going to OKST. Stop teasing Notre Dame.  Notre Dame should just focus on Keith Marshall. Take a look at Barry Sanders Jr here.  Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

 

 

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Jets Rookie Returns Punt without his helmet: DUMB!!!

September 27, 2011 Leave a comment

If you are dumb enough to return a punt without your helmet, you probably didn’t have much use for that helmet to begin with.

PS: Only guys on the Jets are dumb enough to do something like this.

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Determination Defined: Who needs a bike with two wheels?

September 27, 2011 1 comment

 

 

So early this year I was giving the Ragbrai Race across Iowa serious consideration, but all I did was come up with a million excuses as to why I couldn’t do it.  I had to blog for the man, I haven’t gone more than 30 miles on a bike in my life, I have a shitty bike blah blah blah…well eff that noise. I am doing it next year.  I mean my bike isn’t great, but it has two wheels which is more than this guy can say.  Yet you don’t hear him bitching.  He’s just flying down the highway trying to make it to work, burn some calories, and lower his carbon foot print.  This has to be the most inspirational cyclist ever.  Lance Armstrong couldn’t do this.  One wheel guy for the win.

 

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Chris Christie for President!!! Gov. goes after Snooki

September 27, 2011 1 comment

(CNN Money)–Hey Snooki, you’re not welcome on the Jersey Shore. New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie cut $420,000 in tax credits Monday that would have gone to 495 Productions, the company responsible for bringing the escapades of “Pauly D” and “The Situation” to the masses via MTV. Christie has two concerns: He doesn’t care for the tax credit program, and he really doesn’t like how Jersey Shore depicts the state. And that means no more “Snooki subsidy.” “I am duty-bound to ensure that taxpayers are not footing a $420,000 bill for a project which does nothing more than perpetuate misconceptions about the state and its citizens,” Christie said in a statement. That’s not all. The governor also has what his office called “long held, serious concerns” about the value of the entire New Jersey Film Tax Credit Transfer Program, a $10 million effort designed to bring more film and television production to the state. In a letter sent to the New Jersey Economic Development Authority, Christie said that he has “no interest in policing the content of such projects,” and that the state must ensure “our limited taxpayer dollars are spent on programs and projects that best benefit the state.” Christie’s office said the tax credits would have covered production in 2009, when the show was based in New Jersey. The show — one of MTV’s biggest hits — decamped to Italy for its most recent season.

 

I LOVE THE FAT MAN!!!! The guy just gets shit done.  I rarely put my political views out there, but this is a guy I can get behind.  Anybody that is willing to put an end to Snooki is ok with me.  I am so tired of the Jersey Shore it’s not even funny.  There are enough of these assholes out at the bar on the weekend, I don’t want them dominating pop culture too.  This show should have been one season and done.  I can’t believe they were getting tax credits.  Christie is getting shit done.  Just knocked out The Situation and that other meat head dude with one piece of legislation. If he were president I bet “Real Housewives”, “The Kardashians”, “16 and Pregnant” and the entire Bravo channel would just disappear.  Now let’s get a SNACK!!!

 

PS: Snooki gets the most hate, but I find her probably the least obnoxious chick on that show.  And NOBODY is worse than Ronnie.  Always trying to interject himself into everyone’s “problems” and being like the house therapist.  Bro, you’re a effing moron. Just shut up.

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Kid pissed about broken soccer shoes has best mullet ever!!!

September 27, 2011 2 comments

(Sunderland Echo)–A FED-UP dad claims his son’s £45 football boots fell to pieces after being worn just six times. Angry Michael Alexander says it is unacceptable the footwear should rip so easily in such a short amount of time. The 45-year-old, of Ferryboat Lane, Hylton Castle, spent £45 on the Nike boots at Sports Direct in Hylton Retail Park but they began to fall apart after Dominic, a Bexhill Academy pupil, wore them. Michael, a quality assessor for Cumbrian Seafood in Seaham, said: “Dominic has only worn the boots six times and there’s big chunks starting to come away round the toes so I tried to take them back to the shop.“The shop assistant said it shouldn’t be happening but exchanging them wasn’t his decision.“Then when the manager came over he said that Dominic must have been walking on the ground with them. Then, when I explained he had to carry them to the pitch and have them inspected before he put them on, I was told he couldn’t exchange them because they’d been played in. “Then I was told Dominic must have been kicking the ball too hard.“Dominic was with me and he got a bit upset about it and asked him how he could kick the ball too hard. “How hard does he think a nine-year-old can kick a ball?”Michael was then told he would have to go through the company’s website if he wanted to make a complaint. He said: “I tried to email but it just bounced straight back so I rang the phone number and was on hold for 40 minutes. Then when it told me I was caller number one a message came on saying they were experiencing difficulties and asked me to try later.“So I tried again the next day and the same thing happened again when I got down to caller number one.“I wouldn’t care if the boots were worn down I’d buy new ones. Dominic plays for Velocity FC so I buy three or four pairs a season but he’s only had them on six times. Store manager Gary Kerr told the Echo: “In my eyes it is not a manufacturing fault.”

 

If you read the paragraph above you completely wasted your time. I didn’t read a word because I couldn’t get past the picture. A picture says a thousand words…this particular picture only says four: MULLET OF THE CENTURY!!!

 

 

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Mid 20s Dating Guide: What Would Bieber Do

September 27, 2011 1 comment

(MTV)–Justin Bieber may only be 17, but the kid has crazy mature boyfriend skills when it comes to doing special things for his girl Selena Gomez. Case in point: The dynamic duo went out for a decent-enough date on Friday night to see Gomez’s pal Demi Lovato play a show at the Nokia Theatre in downtown Los Angeles. Then, according to TMZ, he surprised Gomez after the concert with an even bigger show right next door at the Staples Center, the 20,000-seat home of the Los Angeles Lakers. After 11 p.m., Bieber told Gomez, “follow me,” and the pair walked through an underground tunnel that connects the two arenas. As they walked into the empty building, all Gomez saw was a table for two set up on the floor with a steak and pasta dinner from the venue’s fancy restaurant, the Lexus Club. The major date was inspired by a scene in the Adam Sandler flick “Mr. Deeds,” in which Sandler’s character surprises his love interest, Winona Ryder, with a date for two at Madison Square Garden. After the superstar couple’s meal, things got even more romantic when “Titanic” began playing on a screen in the arena. According to reports, Bieber got the venue for free as a thank-you from the bosses at Staples for his string of three previous sell-outs there. After making things way harder for his fellow man with his big-balling gesture, Biebs had a message for all the dudes out there who aren’t pulling their weight when it comes to the chivalry department. “Romance isn’t dead,” he tweeted after his date. “Treat your lady right fellas.” Easy for you to say, dude.

 

Un-fricken-believable Bieber!!! What a god damn boss this kid is.  I used to rag on him relentlessly…out of pure jealously.  Like, chicks go nuts for this kid.  Chicks of all ages.  I never understood it.  He weighs like 80 pounds, yet he pulls dimes like Selena Gomez on the reg.  I was baffled.  However, I can’t deny this kid’s swag anymore.

This kid makes me and every other guy on earth look like a chump.  I mean I try to come up with fun dates, and go to fancy restaurants, just to try and get to first base with some girl I have probably been wearing down for months.  Biebs just gets the keys to the Staple Center to watch a movie.  I am sure trying to get laid after Titanic with your mom upstairs is probably a pain in the ass, so Biebs just went off sight.  Titanic at the Staple Center is romantic as hell.  Who wouldn’t get all weak in the knees for this kid.

So now whenever I am thinking of a date like a stupid private dance class, or apple picking, or some gay shit like that I’ll think to myself “Would The Biebs do this?” and if I answer NO to that question I will go back to the drawing board.  I am going to be following this kid’s every move looking for dating tips.  The kid has obviously forgotten more about wheeling chicks than I will ever know.

 

 

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TWO Chinese POWER Moves in One Day

September 26, 2011 Leave a comment

(Newser)–The Dalai Lama says it’s up to him to decide whether he should be reincarnated—and of course China isn’t having any of that. Beijing today dismissed any successor picked by the spiritual leader himself as illegal, following the 76-year-old’s statement this weekend that he’ll make a decision on reincarnation when he’s “about 90.” He said China shouldn’t weigh in on the choice; China, however, says that “the title of Dalai Lama is conferred by the central government and is illegal otherwise.” Traditionally, monks pick a young boy to be Dalai Lama based on signs he is the previous leader’s reincarnation, AFP notes. But “a Dalai Lama identifying his own successor has never been the practice,” says a rep for China’s foreign ministry. “The reincarnation of the Dalai Lama should follow religious rituals and historical conventions and laws and regulations of this state.” The current Dalai Lama said he planned to offer “clear guidelines to recognize the next Dalai Lama” while he remains “physically and mentally fit.” Meanwhile, two young Tibetan monks set themselves on fire today in China, calling for religious freedom.

Man, China is just asserting their authority left and right today. First they just delete an entire city like it was never there, now they are telling the Dalai Lama whether or not he can be reincarnated. People are always real sensitive about China and the Dalai Lama and Tibet for some reason. I don’t really get what the big deal is. It’s not like me to really ever agree with China, but I LOVE the fact that they just told the Dalai Lama he can’t be reincarnated. You know why…because I wouldn’t let my country be influenced by some dumbass monk either. Monks are just a bunch of pretentious assholes. They don’t do anything. They just spend their time up top of some stupid mountain, not talking to anyone, acting like they are so wise and shit, and occasionally they light themselves on fire as some bullshit protest for stupid things like the government telling you that you can’t be reincarnated. I think Monks are just the laziest people on earth. They have no jobs, they make no money, they don’t even wear pants. That is basically the exact same way I would describe some burnout hippies, and you don’t see people lining up to get advice from those morons. Monks are about the last people that should be giving out advice and if China bans this Dalai Lama’s reincarnation I am all for it. Being a monk is just the worst. As punishment for trying to be reincarnated without permission China should make this guy come back as a monk. Just another life time of no sex. Sucks to be you monk.

PS: I must have been one hell of a budhist because I got to come back as an American.

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China is so EFFING SMART: Deleting Cities

September 26, 2011 1 comment

(NPR)–Imagine a city like Los Angeles disappearing from the map completely. That’s exactly what happened to Chaohu, a city in eastern China’s Anhui province with a similar population — about 4 million. The people have remained, but the city has vanished in an administrative sleight of hand. That was the Kafkaesque reality for Chaohu’s inhabitants, who went to bed one night and woke up the morning of Aug. 22 to find out that their city no longer existed. For many, their first inkling that something had changed was from the local news. “Anhui province is today announcing the cancellation of Chaohu city,” the broadcast said. It went on to explain that the city once known as Chaohu had been divided into three. The nearby cities of Hefei, Wuhu and Ma’anshan each absorbed a piece of territory. The broadcast confusingly described the move as “an inherent need at a certain level of economic growth.”

Goddamn, China is so smart.  I mean deleting cities…effing brilliant China.  That’s the kinda problem solving we will never get out of Washington.  We got debt crisis coming out of our ass.  You know how to get out of paying for cities…just delete them.  Wipe them right off the map.  If Obama knew what the fuck he was doing he would just delete cities so fast it would make our heads spin. First city to be deleted should be either Detroit or Cleveland.  Nobody wants to live there anyways.  Nobody has ever gone on vacation there. All of their teams suck. Seriously, I don’t even think anybody would notice after a couple weeks.  Total after thought.  So come on Obama, its an election year. Take a page out of the Chinese playbook.  Just wipe Detroit and Cleveland off the map. Its easy…look—>

Herman Cain is coming for your ass Obama. Get it together.  Delete those cities. YES WE CAN!!!!

PS:  After looking at that Map of Ohio, we might as well delete all of their cities.  Akron…sucks, Toledo…sucks, Youngstown…sucks.  Columbus…sucks. Cincinnati…you’re ok…I like your chili.

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PUTIN IS BACK

September 26, 2011 Leave a comment

(Time)–In Russia this weekend, an image went viral of Vladimir Putin as he might look in his 70s, withered and morose, his jowls packed into the collar of a general’s uniform. The drawing pulsed around the Russian blogosphere like the signals from a pinched nerve, making visual sense of the political future that Russians faced on Saturday. That was the day it became official: Putin, who is now Prime Minister, will run for President next spring, opening the door for him to reclaim his throne for another 12 years — until the ripe old age of 71. Barring some kind of revolution, this amounts to the prospect of another Kremlin leader for life, a tradition that stretches back 450 years to the reign of Ivan the Terrible, Russia’s first Czar.

I guess Putin is done with his little hiatus as the official leader of Russia.  Some guys just aren’t meant to be retired.  I hear old guys complain about this all the time.  “There is only so much golf you can play people get the urge to go back to work”.  That’s what happened here with Putin.  Only instead of golf it was the old saying “there are only so many sluts you can nail, whales you can harpoon, formula-1 cars you can drive, tigers you can kill, fighter jets you can fly, and guys you can karate kick to the head before you get the itch to take over the world again.”

You know you’re a baller when the current President and other potential candidates unanimously applaud the decision for you to take their job back.  Putin is as boss as it gets.  All the Obama-Swag in the world can’t stop Putin.  America is so screwed.  Cold War II is on.

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College Football Week 4 Quick Hits

September 26, 2011 1 comment

Great weekend of college football.  Conference play is getting underway and October is when the real season starts.  Here is what we know following week 4:

1.  People who were kind of sleeping on Florida before the season(a.k.a people like me) were dead wrong about the Gators:

Florida looks like they are back.  Demps and Rainey are as exciting as any players in the country and have that ability to score every time they touch the ball.  Florida last year was suffering for Tebow withdrawals, injuries, and a burnt out coach.  Urban Meyer left the cupboard STOCKED with talent.  A fresh face and an offensive system that fits QB John Brantley better has Florida looking like they could challenge for a conference championship. Next two weeks will tell the story for the Gators. They host Alabama then travel to Death Valley to face LSU.  Any way you slice it…the SEC is still king.

2.  LSU’s defense is SCARY

If I were John Brantley or anybody else on LSU’s schedule, I would literally SHIT myself if I had to play those guys.  They are crazy good.  Playmakers all over the field and they play mean.  LSU looks like they want to hurt people(not injure. There is a difference).  This might be the college football version of the 2000 Baltimore Ravens.  This is one of the most dynamic defenses I have seen in a long time.  I can’t wait for the Florida and Alabama games.  I wonder if Jarrett Lee can be good enough to win a close game against another great team.  Either way, this LSU defense should be recognized as one of the best in recent history.

3. Notre Dame’s offense is TERRIBLE

Notre Dame is wasting the best defense they have had since the early 1990’s with this dog shit offense that they have.  It’s a team game, but really the only thing holding them back is quarterback play.  Rees has been largely terrible and its time for ND to make a drastic move.  I really don’t think ND can go back to Crist at this point.  Its time to start giving Everett Golson some playing time.  Give Ohio State credit for recognizing that their veteran QB wasn’t getting it done and then turning to their freshman QB Braxton Miller.  If Rees is bad and only has half field reads, why not let Golson have a shot.  At least if things break down, Golson can use his legs to make something happen.  The read option game would also open things up for dynamic running back Cierre Wood.

4. The MAC is pretty decent

Week in and week out the MAC is competing hard against BCS level teams and has snagged a few wins.  Toledo, Northern Illinois, Western Michigan, Ball State, Bowling Green, and Temple have all had impressive games against top competition.  This is probably the deepest MAC field in years and will be one of the better Non-AQ conferences in 2011.

5.  mmm…Samantha Steele. So hot right now

I am in love and I don’t care who knows it.

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