Archive for August, 2011

Chicago Man Arrested for the 99th time: Father of the Year Candidate

August 30, 2011 2 comments

MAYWOOD, Ill. (WLS)A Chicago man arrested for the 99th time when he was caught using his 3-year-old child as a ruse to beg for money pleaded guilty at his indictment hearing Monday and was sentenced to 18 months in prison. Alberto Luis Alvarez, 37, of the 2500 block of North Harding Avenue, represented by a public defender, pleaded guilty to obstruction of justice at his preliminary hearing, according to a release from Riverside police. About 2:30 p.m. Aug. 10, Riverside police received a call of a suspicious man stopping people on the street to ask for money and begging door-to-door in the 7200 block of West Ogden Avenue, a release from police said. Officers located Alvarez pushing a stroller with a small child inside, and when they questioned him, he refused to take his hands from his pockets, the release said. He then threw several clear plastic bags on the ground and tried to run away. Police arrested him after a brief struggle, and found more heroin in his pockets, the release said. After identifying Alvarez through fingerprints, it was discovered that he had 98 prior arrests and 23 convictions, ranging from burglary, robbery and larceny to assault, drugs and smuggling, the release said. He was also found to have 10 dates of birth, nine names and five Social Security numbers used as aliases. Riverside police chief Tom Weitzel called the case “simply mind-boggling” and described Alvarez as a repeat offender “who seems to laugh at the court system.” Investigators learned that Alvarez had been using his 3-year-old as a ruse to try and get money from residents by claiming to be injured, the release said. The child was turned over to a family member and the Department of Children & family Services was notified. Alvarez was originally charged with possession of a controlled substance, obstruction of a police officer (destroying evidence), resisting arrest and child endangerment, the release said. He was being held without bond in the Cook County Jail.


Arrested 99 times!?!?! That has got to be a record, right?  What do you get for getting arrested 100 times?  Set of steak knives is probably not the best lifetime achievement award.  In all seriousness…its time for this guy to consider a different profession because he is a terrible criminal.  He has been caught doing basically everything.

Now he is getting arrested for bringing his kid to work.  Look, I am sure the last thing Alberto Alvarez wanted to do was bring his whining, crying, pain-in-the-ass toddler to the office.  Daycare is expensive as hell these days and if the kid is going to be tagging along, he might as well put him to work.  Try to teach this kid the game.  It’s clearly Alberto’s dream to become a great criminal, but he’s just not cut out for it.  I feel his pain.  I desperately want to be a professional hockey player, and the only thing standing in the way of that dream was my lack of talent.  So guess who I am going to have live out my dream for me…my sons.  When my kids are 3 years old I will have them up at 5am to shoot 1000 pucks before breakfast.  What’s that Junior…you’re a natural lefty shot like your old man?…not so fast.  Right-handed shots are way more valuable on the power-play, so if I have to tie one arm behind his back to make him a righty then so be it.  It’s every father’s right to try to make their kids achieve their dad’s failed dreams.  If they fail…it means that it was probably impossible to begin with…but you might want to throw the grand kids at it just to make sure.


PS: This guy has 10 different birth dates, nine different names, and five different social security numbers. Are his 99 arrests all under the same name?  I feel like he has to be well over 100 arrests and some of them are under other names.  That’s pretty smart actually. Having a fake identity to take the fall for you every time you get in trouble.  Probably not much use to me now, but man it would have been sweet as a kid.  Those bad grades…my other identity didn’t do his homework.  Messy room…other identity left those clothes there.   Broken window…other identity can’t shoot a puck to save his life. All my shots were sniped top cheese.


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This is what happens when The Blackhawks let other teams win the Stanley Cup

August 30, 2011 4 comments



Alright, so much for sharing.  The one year the Blackhawks dynasty lets another team win the Stanley Cup and this is what happens.


PS: Of course a Newfie dropped it.


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Obama totally kicked Hurricane Irene’s ass

August 29, 2011 2 comments

People were making this storm out to be Hurricane Katrina’s evil twin.  It was going to flood Washington DC, turn New York into sea world, and just completely wash away Boston.  Hurricane Irene didn’t account for one thing though…Obama swag.  Obama just stared that bitch right in the eyes and told her to leave his vacation alone.  Before you knew it America was winning the Little League World Series and Irene coward away like the little tropical storm that she was.  You hurricanes might have been able to pull that shit on Bush, but no weather fronts are destroying cities on Obama’s watch.

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Please Explain Why The Bears haven’t signed Lofa Tatupu

August 29, 2011 Leave a comment


Alright, I am more confused by the Jerry Angelo and the Bears front office more than ever.  What is wrong with Lofa Tatupu?  He has to have like herpes or something because he seems to be everything that the Bears need right now.  The Bears are VERY thin at linebacker right now.  One injury or Lance Briggs hold out and the Bears seem content going into the season with their current group of LB’s.  Tatupu couldn’t be more perfect for the Bears.  Outside linebacker…check.  Has played in a Cover-2 scheme…check.  Jacked up name that the Bears love(Ogunleye, Ayanbadejo, Azumah, Idonije, Omiyale, Afalava, Aromashadu, Tinoisamoa, Manumaleuna, Iwuh, Okoye, Sanzenbacher)…check and mate!! So what gives? Is this just another instance of Jerry being Jerry? If the Bears are waiting until after teams are forced to cut down from 90 to 53 players and see what else is out there…then fine.  If they start the season with these guys then it’s another strike on Jerry Angelo.


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Mid 20s Dating Guide: What Not To Do Volumne One

August 29, 2011 2 comments

(IMMOKALEE) — An Immokalee man is facing a domestic battery charge after authorities say he gave his girlfriend a hair cut — while she slept. David Bustos, 26, of the 700 block of Crestview Circle, was arrested Thursday by Collier County sheriff’s deputies at home. Bustos and his girlfriend got into an argument on Tuesday causing Bustos to leave his girlfriend’s home, according to an arrest report. She told deputies that around 7 a.m. the next morning she awoke in her bed to Bustos shaving her head with an electric hair clipper. He used such force with the clippers that it caused a small cut on her scalp, according to reports. The victim told deputies that she immediately kicked him off of her and he fled the home. Deputies said there were several sections of braided hair lying on the victim’s bed.


Ok, so I haven’t done a Mid 20s Dating Guide blog in a while because quite frankly…I am out of material.  I pretty much put everything I know about girls and dating into like three blogs.  I am out of tips on things to do.  I didn’t realize until today that I know way more about what NOT to do.  Some from experience, and some from common sense.  So here is Volume One of probably an infinite part series about what not to do when dating girls.


So, if you have a fight with your girlfriend I would say probably the number one thing NOT to do is sneak back into her room at night and buzz off all of her hair.  Yeah, yeah its battery blah blah blah…that’s not the biggest issue at hand here.  Bro…YOU CUT OFF YOUR GIRL’S HAIR!!! Girls with short hair are disgusting, and girls with buzzed heads are even worse.  Exhibit A) Britney Spears.  I put up with all her weight issues, pregnancies, and scarring from her pregnancies because deep down I knew “I’m a Slave For You” Britney Spears was still in there somewhere.  However, the minute she cut all her hair off I checked out forever.  Girls should never ever have their hair shorter than their shoulders.  That’s just the law, or at least it should be.  Now this guy is completely stuck.  He can’t break up with her now. Break up and she is 100% going through with these charges.  If he sweet talks her into giving the relationship another shot…she will drop the charges.  So now this guy is in a relationship with a bald freak.  Back fire of the century.

And if this guy thought his girlfriend got pissed before when he didn’t notice that she made a minor change to her hair, he hasn’t seen anything yet.   Girls pay like $500 every month for some chick to put little blonde streaks in their hair and cut off a half an inch.  This girl will practically be living at the salon trying to salvage something she can leave the house with.  Guess what happens if she walks in and this guy didn’t notice that she changed her hair?  Godzilla times a billion!!!  All around failure by this guy.  I may not know much about dating, but I do know that if you cut a girl’s hair off in the middle of the night…that’s a no-win situation.


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All I have to do be an Olympic Sprinter is move to American Somoa

August 29, 2011 Leave a comment



Pretty sure Troy Polumalu could have beaten this guy while running backwards.  Bad day to be an American Somoan…



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Categories: Internet Sensation

Random Fan Confirms Jonathan Toews is Best Human on the Planet

August 29, 2011 1 comment


(ESPN Chicago)–

Jeff W (Buffalo Grove, IL

Hey Jesse, I have two separate groups of friends that hung out with Toews at Lolla a few weeks back, and both groups, completely independent of one another, said he could not have been a nicer guy. He wasn’t drinking, and he wasn’t acting like a buffoon. I find it so refreshing to hear that the public persona of Captain Serious is legitimate and translates to his private life…


Nothing too surprising here.  Wouldn’t expect to hear anything different Toews.  Just your typical Captain, Stanley Cup Champ, Gold Medal winner, Olympic MVP, Conn Smythe winner, Selke Finalist, stud, humble superstar.  Toews just does everything perfect, even interacting with us commoners.  I had a similar experience with him on New Year’s Eve 2010.  I bumped into him and other Blackhawks at the Hilton, we talked hockey for a good 10 minutes, and he was a great guy.  Gotta love Toews.


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Wisconsin Badgers 2011 Big Ten Football Preview

August 29, 2011 Leave a comment

Defending Big Ten Champs, Wisconsin are definitely one of the favorites to go back to the Rose Bowl.  The Badgers only have 12 returning starters, yet somehow Wisconsin appears to be even stronger heading into 2011.  Russell Wilson is arguably the most talented QB in Wisconsin history.  How fast Wilson adapts to the new system and his new team will determine whether the Badgers are able to make another run for the Roses.  Wisconsin is becoming a national power that reloads rather than rebuilds, so a lack of returning starters doesn’t mean a lack of returning talent.

Best Bar To Watch Wisconsin Badgers in Chicago:

As always, what’s a Chicago college football preview without letting people know the best spot to party?  For Badger games in 2011, the place to be is Will’s Northwoods Inn.  This place is as Wisconsin as it gets.  Badgers and Packers sports bar heaven.  Good food, great drink specials, and they even have a Wisconsin girl “beauty pageant”.  Its definitely the place to get your jump around on this fall.

Offensive MVP:

RB Montee Ball. Even though Russell Wilson received all the headlines this offseason, its the running game that still makes the Badgers offensive go.  If Wisconsin is going to be a dominant force again this year, it’ll be because Montee Ball is one of the nation’s premier running backs.  Both Ball and sophomore James White will receive a ton of carries, but Ball is more of the bruising back that Wisconsin historically loves to deploy.  Look for Ball to go over 1000 yards for the first time in his career and he should also be a Doak Walker finalist.

Defensive MVP:

LB Mike Taylor. Mike Taylor has started all each of the 19 games he has been in uniform for as a Badger.  The Redshirt junior seemed to get better every week in 2010.  Taylor’s 2009 season was cut short after suffering a season ending injury in week 7.  Taylor should be back to full health and full speed in 2011.  Look for Taylor to be the leader of the Badger defense from his Will LB position.

Offensive New Name-To-Know:

OT Rob Havenstein. The easy play here would have been Russell Wilson, but everyone already knows his name.  Wisconsin is becoming “Offensive Tackle U”.  Joe Thomas graduates…no big deal, the Badgers just replaced him with another NFL First round pick in Gabe Carimi.  Havenstein certainly looks the part of the next great Wisconsin tackle.  After red-shirting in 2010, the 6’8″ 345-pound freshman is currently number two on the depth chart, but will definitely see time as a part of the tackle rotation.  Havenstein is athletic for his size and will soon be paving the way for Ball and White.

Defensive New Name-To-Know:

LB Chris Borland. Chris Borland isn’t necessarily a new name, but is perhaps a forgotten one in many Big Ten circles.  Borland was Big Ten freshman of the year in 2009, but has disappeared after a series of shoulder injuries forced him out of action.  Borland’s health and play-making ability are two huge keys to the Badger’s defense in 2011.  If Borland can stay healthy, his versatility and leadership will go a long way to help Wisconsin morph into more than just an average defense.

Schedule and Predictions:


Oregon St– W

N. Illinois– W

S. Dakota– W

Nebraska– W

Indiana– W

@ Mich St– W

@ Ohio St– L

Purdue– W

@ Minnesota– W

@ Illinois– W

Penn State– W

Total: 11-1. I think the Badgers will end up having one of their best offensive seasons in school history.  Russell Wilson and Nick Toon will prevent opposing defenses from stacking the box with 8 or 9 guys.  The powerful Wisconsin running game combined with a dynamic Quarterback should give the Badgers the most explosive offense in the B1G.  Wisconsin’s month of October is brutal though.  They will play the three most talented teams in the conference including back to back road games against Michigan State and Ohio State.  I don’t think Wisconsin’s defense is good enough to make it through that month unblemished. However, a trip to the Big Ten Championship and a BCS game still seem likely.

Bowl Prediction: Rose Bowl.


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Russia invading Alaska

August 29, 2011 4 comments

(Independent)–Russia appears to be edging closer to giving the go-ahead for an underwater tunnel which could one day allow vacationers in Alaska to take a day trip to Siberia in Russia. The tunnel, which would reportedly be 65 miles (105 km) long and bored under the icy waters of the narrow Bering Strait which separates Russia from North America above the Pacific Sea, was reportedly backed by high-profile Russian politician Aleksandr Levinthal this week. London’s The Times reported that Levinthal endorsed the idea at a conference on developing Russia’s north-eastern rail infrastructure – although it was first mooted by Tsar Nicholas II over a hundred years ago. At twice the length of the Channel Tunnel that connects Britain and France, it will be an ambitious engineering project – but one which could bring considerable benefits for travelers. It could mean, for example, a spectacular overland train journey from Europe to New York City, traveling through Moscow and the icy landscapes of Siberia and Alaska before heading down to warmer climes.


So the Russians are building a tunnel from Siberia to Alaska. Oh, but don’t worry…its not so they can transport an invasion force, its only so Russia can easily send us all of their tourists who are just dying to vacation in northern Alaska.  That makes perfect sense, right?  Lots of people dream about visiting the Alaskan arctic circle….WRONG!!!  Putin is making a fool out of all of us.  I don’t care if he does sing like an angel. I don’t trust the guy.


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Nebraska Football 2011 Big Ten Preview

August 26, 2011 1 comment

This is the first installment of the 2011 Big Ten Football season.  This will give you all the essential information on each team.  The season kicks off in about a week and I am going to try to get to all 12 teams, a general overview preview, and a Notre Dame preview as well.  That’s a lot of blogs in not a lot of time, so if I don’t get to your BigTen team…its because you suck.  Sorry in advance Indiana, but college football needs ditch diggers too.  I am going to go ahead and get newbies, Nebraska, out of the way first.

Best Bar In Chicago To Watch Nebraska Football:

First things first…where to eat, drink, and watch the Nebraska Cornhuskers in Chicago: Kirkwood Bar in Wrigleyville on the corner of Sheffield and Oakdale.  Very solid food, great beer garden, and a decent beer selection.  Kirkwood is the official bar of Nebraska football.  Sea of Red packs the place pretty good on Saturdays.  Also, judging by Kirkwood’s photo gallery, Nebraska’s fan base has plenty of sexbomb girls rocking red on game day.  Plenty to look at on commercials.

Offensive MVP:

The offensive MVP for Huskers in 2011 will be Rex Burkhead.  With tension between Polini and QB Taylor Martinez boiling over(wouldn’t surprise me to see Brion Carnes get snaps at QB at some point), Burkhead needs to be the straw that stirs the drink, rudder on the ship, or whatever other cliche you want to use.  Nebraska also lacks experience at running back behind Burkhead, so he will get a ton of touches.  If Nebraska is going to play in the Big Ten Championship, Burkhead will need to carry the offense.

Defensive MVP:

Defensive Tackle Jared Crick would have been a first round pick in the NFL draft if he decided to declare after last year.  Crick has a great chance to be B1G defensive player of the year in 2011, and is a likely first team All American.  Nebraska is a top ten team nationally  based upon the dominance of the “Black Shirts” defense.  That dominance starts up front with Crick.  He will be the focus of every offensive line in the Big Ten, and I can’t wait to see how power running Wisconsin handles him in Nebraska’s first Big Ten game.

New Offensive Name-to-know:

True freshman running back, Aaron Green, has a real chance to contribute offensively as Burkhead’s back-up.  Green is a little under-sized, but is also very explosive.  He could be a great change of pace back to Burkhead.  Due to Nebraska’s depth issues at the position, Green has a great chance to contribute both on offense and in the return game.

New Defensive Name-to-Know:

Linebacker Lavonte David.  Ok, not really a new name to know for the die-hard Husker fans.  Lavonte David doesn’t get nearly enough national recognition and is probably a name most Big Ten fans don’t yet know.  A JUCO transfer in 2010, David burst on to the scene for the Huskers and made a school record 153 tackles.  David is a dynamic athlete that flies and around bashing people’s skulls in.  Look for David to make more game changing plays in 2011 as he becomes more comfortable in his new position.

Schedule and Predictions:

Chattanooga- W

Fresno State- W

Washington- W

@Wyoming- W

@Wisconsin- L

Ohio State- W

@Minnesota- W

Michigan State- W

Northwestern- W

@ Penn State- W

@ Michigan- W

Iowa- W

Total: 11-1.  Part of me thinks I am giving Nebraska too much respect with this 11-1 showing.  The schedule makers certainly didn’t make it easy on them as they start off against the two most talented teams in the conference.  If Nebraska’s offense struggles to produce consistently then games against Ohio St, Michigan St, and even @Michigan could give the Huskers trouble.  Best case scenario is 11-1, worst case scenario is probably 9-3.

Bowl Game: I don’t see Nebraska beating Wisconsin in the regular season, nor do I think they beat Wisconsin in the conference championship game should they qualify.  11-2 with a loss in the Big Ten Championship Game is probably still good enough for an at-large BCS berth.  If not, Nebraska will be in the Capital One Bowl.

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