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Archive for July, 2011

NFL Lockout Victim: HBO’s Hardknocks

July 26, 2011 Leave a comment

 

Training camps are going to basically start on time, so can someone explain to me why HBO isn’t going to do Hardknocks this year?  Hardknocks is easily the best thing about the preseason. Cromartie trying to name his kids was one of the best moments in the history of TV.  My vote is Minnesota for Hardknocks.  Crazy ass Jared Allen, rookie quarterback, big fat Williams twins, and I think Mike Singletary is going to be one of their coaches if I am not mistaken.  He needs to be mic’d up forever.

 

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Who needs Plaxico Burress, Randy Moss or Santonio Holmes when Brd. Smith is Available?

July 26, 2011 1 comment

Day one of NFL free agency and Jerry Angelo is already disappointing me.  Rumors are swirling that the Bears will add to their receiving core like everyone has been begging for.  The Bears have a TON of cap space.  Some of the most in the league.  They  could easily target a game breaking wide receiver like Plaxico Burress, Randy Moss, Santana Moss, or Santonio Holmes.  So who are they going after…Brad Smith.  Are the Bears really in need of a former option quarterback who played a lot of wildcat for the Jets? Brad Smith had 4 catches last year.  What would be the point of signing him?!?! UGH ANGELO MAKES ME SO MAD.  It only took a day for me to want him fired again.

 

PS: Of all the guys listed above Santonio Holmes seems like he would be a perfect fit for the Martz offense.

 

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I AM READY FOR FOOTBALL!!!

July 26, 2011 Leave a comment

 

Other than having Adam Schefter in my grill for the next 72 hours, I am pumped for the NFL.  This video is alright.

 

 

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Toews Just Blew Smoke In Cutler’s Eye

July 25, 2011 2 comments

While Jay Cutler was probably moping around about losing out on Kristin Cavallari(As opposed to just his regular moping), Jonathan Toews shows up to Wrigley with a smoke on his arm.  Shot across Jay Cutler’s bow for sure.

Toews’ girlfriend is Gabrielle Valasquez I guess.  Never heard of her, but she is really hot.  I would never be able to talk to that girl.  Having said that…I don’t think she is hot enough for Toews.  Jonathan Toews is a stud.  Captain+Chicago+Stanley Cup+Conn Smythe+Gold Medal+Olympics MVP+Movie Star Good Looks=That he should be wheeling Doutzen Krous or some A-list chick.

PS: Toews owns Chicago.  Best athlete in the city and shows up in the summer to Wrigley wearing Bears hat. That sentence got me hard.  Hockey season can’t get here fast enough. Gas up the party trolleys.

 

PPS: UPDATE, just found out that Doutzen Kroes had a baby so looks like Toews probably already met her…or at least made eye contact with her. Pretty sure that’s all it takes for him.

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Cleveland Guy Makes Adam Dunn Portrait Out Of Legos Like Loser

July 25, 2011 1 comment

Just when I thought Cleveland couldn’t suck anymore than they already do, some nerd goes and makes a Lego portrait of Adam Dunn.  Is there a more worthless guy to construct a Lego portrait of? He couldn’t even pick a guy from his own city? This is probably the best thing to come out of Cleveland in years, so pathetic. I guess spending hours making a portrait of the worst guy in Chicago is still better than making a portrait of anybody in Cleveland. This portrait of Adam Dunn is 2X2 feet and made up of 5000 Legos in a wooden frame.  But, guess what…this guy is a complete fraud.  This loser GLUED the Lego pieces together.  Pretty sure that’s called cheating.  Totally defeats the whole point of Legos.  I could have reconstructed the Roman Empire to scale as a kid if my mom let use glue.  All this guy did was glue some different color Legos together and didn’t even make it an action shot.  Fail.

 

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Don’t Quote Me On This, But There Is A 200% Chance Kristen Cavallari Reads My Blog

July 25, 2011 1 comment

(Chicago)–If a tweet by entertainment reporter Billy Bush is to believed, the engagement between Bears quarterback Jay Cutler and reality TV star Kristin Cavallari is off. Bush, a reporter with “Access Hollywood,” tweeted the news early Sunday morning from what he called, “a super-tight source.” Grizzly Detail has not independently confirmed the report, and shares skepticism with The Big Lead writers who similarly couched their report. Cutler and Cavallari have been dating since they met early last season, and since the two got together, Cutler has been covered by TMZ as much as ESPN. Just this month they announced that they had set a wedding date for July 7, 2012.

Ok…if there was any ever doubt that hot girls like Kristin Cavallari read this blog, those doubts have now been put to rest permanently.  Last week I said: “PPS:  How the hell did Cutler land Cavallari?  I know he is an NFL QB and everything, but Cutler doesn’t exactly look like Tom Brady.  If it was possible for an NFL QB to outkick his coverage, Cutler totally did it.”  Well…looks like I really got through to Kristin Cavallari because the wedding is now off.  I mean just look at the pictures above.  Cutler is a soft 4 on a 1-10 scale in the celebrity world and Kristin is a hard 9.  Too big of a gap to make up.  I feel kind of bad for ending an engagement.  But lets be honest, that marriage was never going to last.  Saved my quarterback a lot of time and heart ache.  She was clouds in his coffee.  Now he can find a girl that’s not a celebrity who is hotter than Cavallari and he becomes an 8 because of his NFL status.  You can thank me later Jay.

 

PS: Jay Cutler couldn’t be reached for comment, but I think we can all assume his direct quote will be “uhhh, whatever…”

PPS: Kristin…I know you dig my bloggerswag, contact me.

PPPS: Kristin Cavallari isn’t even that hot…for a celebrity.

 

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Extreme Dancing on the Red Line

July 21, 2011 2 comments

This guy is absolutely killing it.  So much swag that he’s turning dudes gay instantly.  I have never seen dancing quite like this.  I have a hard time just standing on the El.  Every stop, turn, bump and I am bracing myself for a fall.  This guy(who isn’t Ron apparently) is inventing dance moves and strutting his stuff for everyone to see.

PS: Turns out Gays are just as lost in the dating game as anyone else.  That was a pathetic line. “Umm are you Ron. No? Oh, I thought your name was Ron.”  It was like something I would say to a girl in the bar.  Drunk, go up to her guns blazing, then have nothing to say, mumble something under my breath, and go back to admiring from a distance.

LOCK OF THE CENTURY: ITS CHRISTMAS!!! NFL&NCAA WEEK 1 LINES ARE HERE

July 21, 2011 Leave a comment

 

It’s finally here!!! Football gambling spreads.  There is no better time to be a complete degenerate than during football season.

NFL Week 1 Locks of the Century:

Atlanta Falcons(pick) @ Chicago Bears(pick): BEARS

New England Patriots(-4) @ Miami Dolphins: PATRIOTS

Tennessee Titans(+2.5) @ Jacksonville Jaguars: TITANS

Carolina Panthers(+3.5) @ Arizona Cardinals: CARDINALS

 

NCAA Week 1 Locks of the Century:

SMU(+14) @ Texas A&M: TEXAS A&M

Alabama(-8.5) @ Penn State: ALABAMA

Boise State(-1.5) @ Georgia: GEORGIA

Miami Florida (-4) @ Maryland: MIAMI

 

Parlay these if you want to be a billionaire by September 10th.

 

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Lock of the Century: DOWN WITH THE SOUTH EASTERN CONFERENCE

July 21, 2011 Leave a comment

I am calling it now, the National Champ in 2011 will come from a school outside of the SEC.  I watched some of the SEC Media Day coverage on ESPNU and I am so tired of everyone kissing the SEC’s ass.  Yeah, yeah, yeah you guys won the last five national championships…whatever.  That streak ends now.  They are still the best conference, but there isn’t a dominant team among them.  Auburn lost 99.6 percent of their offense when Newton bolted for the NFL.  LSU can’t go undefeated with Jordan Jefferson at QB, and Les Miles easily could have had some of those crazy plays go against him and he would be out of a job. Alabama has QB issues too.  Florida is in transition with Will Muschamp and Charlie Weis taking over in Gainseville.  South Carolina is good, but Stephen Garcia is basically a functioning derelict at quarterback. Those teams will all beat each other up, paving the way for a new Conference to take home that Glass football(side note: I am a little clumsy and would be scared to death to touch that thing.  Good thing I never won a national title…or got a scholarship).  Mark my words, the National Championship will be won by one of the following schools”

Wisconsin Badgers: +2500

The Badgers have a tricky game early against Oregon State and then open up their Big10 slate with newcomer, Nebraska.  The Badgers also face back-to-back tough road night games in October when they meet Michigan State and Ohio State respectively.  Schedule makers didn’t do the defending Big10 Champs any favors, but Russell Wilson gives the Badgers talent at QB like they have never had.  If he can acclimate himself to the system quickly, and Wisconsin makes it through October undefeated they will be in great shape to go to the BCS Title Game.

Oklahoma Sooners: +350

The Sooners are the favorite according to most odds makers at +350 to win the National Championship and with good reason.  Oklahoma returns both Landry Jones and his favorite target, Ryan Broyles. The Sooners’ biggest challenge will come in week 2 against Florida State.  If Oklahoma survives their trip to Tallahassee they won’t have too many more challenges the rest of the way.  Oklahoma will battle Texas in Dallas, but the Longhorns are in the midst of rebuilding phase and the Sooners should take care of business.  Oklahoma also gets Big12 challenger, Texas A&M at home.  If the Sooners are undefeated after week 2, you can pretty much punch their BCS ticket.

Oregon Ducks: +1000

Full disclosure I wouldn’t make this bet in a million years.  The Pac-12 is just goofy.  I never know quite what is going on over there on the West Coast.  The only sure-fire bet in the conference is that if everyone is saying Cal is good, it means they really suck.  Oregon’s schedule is sneaky tough.  Starting the year off against LSU. Then they end it with @Stanford, USC, and rival Oregon State.  Then would have to win the Pac-12 title game.  Having said all of that…the Ducks could very well make it back to the title game.  Kicking off the year in SEC territory against LSU will be their most difficult challenge.  A win against the Tigers and all of our retinas could be burned by those highlighter yellow unis the Ducks rock in the National Title game again.

Notre Dame Fighting Irish: +3000

Ok, hear me out on this one.  Notre Dame has tremendous momentum from the end of last season as they head into year 2 of Brian Kelly’s system.  Notre Dame has two of their most difficult games at home(Michigan State and USC) and should be favored in every other game with the exception of Stanford in the season finale.  The Irish could very well be undefeated when they head to Palo Alto on November 26th.  The Irish have depth and experience coming back on both sides of the ball and have a few blue chip recruits who will bolster the pass rush. Floyd will be catching bombs and Te’o will be crushing skulls and breaking wills.  Wake up the echoes and watch out for the Irish.

Dark horse Pick…West Virginia+2500…you heard it here first.

PS: On second thought…Alabama is totally winning the National Championship.

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Who’s Hungry? Food will be dead soon

July 21, 2011 Leave a comment

 

 

I know “raw” restaurants are like so hot right now, but that is just dumb.  I like my food not only dead, but also cooked.  These guys have accomplished neither.  Points for presentation though.

 

 

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