Archive for July, 2011

IU Football Is Back: Top QB Recruit Signs with Indiana

July 28, 2011 Leave a comment

(Sports Illustrated)–“It was just the best fit for me,” Kiel said a few hours before making his decision on a trip to Indiana with his parents. “I woke up having that gut feeling and felt really good about it and my parents were excited about it too.”

As a junior, Kiel threw for nearly 2,700 yards and 36 touchdowns while rushing for another 600 yards and eight scores. Ranked by 247Sports as the nation’s 10th overall prospect, he plans to graduate from high school a semester early to enroll on campus in January, just days after he caps his prep career as an Under Armour All-American.

He will join his brother Dusty, a current redshirt sophomore quarterback, at Indiana. The older Kiel is the favorite to win the Hoosiers’ starting quarterback job this fall.  “The thing that kind of stood out to me the most about Indiana is I have family over there,” Kiel said. “Having a brother playing the same position as me, at first I thought that was a negative but I realized it’s such a positive. Nobody is going to have my back more than him. He’s going to help me go over the playbook and I’ll probably learn it a lot quicker with him helping me.”

Little brothers are such a pain in the ass.  Dusty Kiel is up at Indiana just doing his thing.  Waiting to crack the lineup when his snot nosed little brother decides to just tag along rather than go to his choice of BCS contenders. Why would anybody go to Indiana when they could write their ticket to any real school in the country if he wasn’t just trying to be a pain in the ass?


PS: Choosing Indiana over Notre Dame is like turning down Kate Upton to go out with Khloe Kardashian

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Alright, seriously Bears…WTF?

July 28, 2011 Leave a comment

Alright…wtf is going on up at Halas Hall? Is Jerry Angelo on strike or something? I mean I love Dane Sazenbacher as much as the next guy, but seriously all Jerry Angelo has done is sign guys that they didn’t want 3 months ago in the draft.  Right as the lockout was getting settled all anyone would talk about was how much capspace the Bears had.  They have like 37 million dollars just burning a hole in their pocket and they’ve done nothing with it.  There’s a ton of great WRs out on the market…Sidney Rice? The guy who torches us twice a year? nah fuck that guy… pass. Let him go to Seattle.  Santonio Holmes…who needs him when we could just go after his teammate Brad Smith? O-Line sucks, but lets just let the only somewhat competent guy we have walk to San Francisco. Real solid move.   I would have bet money that their phone system was knocked out by all these storms until the rumor came out that they are calling other teams to trade TE Greg Olsen.  It just makes NO sense.  Why trade him now?  It’s not like they are going to get a player of value back for him.  They are going to get a mid round draft pick so they can draft some asshole out of Abilene Christian and replace Olsen with nothing.  I am not liking what I am seeing for the Bears.  Cutler is going to lose his center/leader and then also lose his TE/best friend on the team?  Cutler just ended an engagement.  The guy must be a wreck. He needs Olsen now more than ever.

The Bears have to spend money…and won’t.  They need OL help…so they let their best one walk away.  They need more weapons on offense…so they trade their best receiving TE?  Someone please explain this to me.  Its like Jerry Angelo is tanking this shit on purpose.  The Bears were one gutless cheap shot on Cutler’s MCL from the Superbowl and now I feel like they are staring 0-3 in the face. Atlanta, New Orleans, and then Green Bay is no way to start the season when your team only has like 30 guys on it.  Sign someone, anyone…please.  Get off your ass and get on the phone.

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So Long Fukedome…Traded to Cleveland

July 28, 2011 Leave a comment

Fukedome was highly recruited throughout the country several years ago…he came to Chicago…and its safe to say that his career has been a disappointment.

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Categories: Cubs

Wait…When Was I At The Rhianna Concert?

July 27, 2011 3 comments

If I didn’t know any better I’d say that this guy is me.  This video was shot July 23rd at the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia.  I have never been to Philadelphia and I am still not 100% sure that this isn’t me.  Anybody who knows me knows that I LOVE dancing to “Single Ladies” by Beyonce.  In terms of my top dance jams its right up there with “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” by Whitney Houston.  I just slay this song every time it comes on at a wedding, bar, or in my car.  Its my song.  This guy even kind of looks like me(I think I might be an inch taller…and a lot sweatier).  If by some chance this guy isn’t me, then he certainly did me proud.  The guy was just dripping in swag.  Popping and locking, nailing the choreography, and making the 17000 girls in the stadium weak in the knees.  I just can’t believe these jealous little skruts doing the filming.  First of all, HOW DARE YOU try to make fun of him. The guy killed it.  Show some respect.  Second, YOU ARE AT A RHIANNA CONCERT!!! Put down your phone and join the dance party.  They did get one thing right though.  The sexbomb girls in the row behind were with him.  Dancing=Sex.  This guy knows how to bring it.

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The Only Thing Mike Quade Knows Less About Than Baseball Is Math

July 27, 2011 Leave a comment


“We might come out of this road trip in real good shape as far as how we play here. And if we do (well), there’s still a lot of baseball left. I take nothing for granted and put nothing past these guys. We won three in a row against Houston so let’s see if we can’t win tonight and go from there. Why not? What are we- 11 (games) back? What if you win 10 out of 12? Who the hell knows? It’s an interesting division to be in that situation. What is there? Sixty games left? Let’s play them and see. I concede nothing. We’re going to play, and we’ll see what happens. Daunting task. Four teams in front of you. We haven’t played well. But why not?”– Mike Quade

I have been in Mike Quade’s corner all year long.  The team sucks.  William Wallace couldn’t even motivate these guys.  However, the guy has to get fired not because they are losing, but because he is obviously a moron.  He can’t even do basic math.  Why not Mike? That’s your question?  Hmmm…let me see…well the team sucks and they have won three straight games exactly one time this year so a 10 of 12 run is highly unlikely.  Just for kicks though, lets forget that the Cubs are fucking terrible and say the Cubs win at that rate for the rest of the year.  That’s a winning percentage of .833.  That would give the Cubs 49 wins in their final 59 games.  49 more wins would put them at 91 for the season…probably still not enough.
I would seriously rather have this guy managing the Cubs…


PS: Are Quade and Charlie Villanueva related?


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Categories: Cubs Tags: ,

Is Andrew Luck a sneaky Kyle Orton Fan?

July 27, 2011 Leave a comment



Hey Andrew Luck, get it together buddy.  You are well on your way to being the first Heisman winner and number one overall draft pick that is too ugly to get laid.  There’s a reason why Kyle Orton puts up really good numbers and everyone still thinks he sucks…its because he looks like a homeless guy.  You need to be less Kyle Orton and more Tom Brady.


PS: Orton is better than McNabb


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Bears Clinch Second Place in NFC North and Cutler Is No Longer The Fattest QB in Division

July 27, 2011 Leave a comment


I hate to hate a Chicago guy like Donovan McNabb, but he just plain sucks.  The Vikings trading for McNabb is the best thing that ever could have happened for the Bears.  If the Vikings had been able to get someone like Hasselback to be Christian Ponder’s stable pony this year then the Vikings could have been a challenge.  Instead they traded for a washed up, noodle arm, fat guy who is delaying the deal to the Vikings because “they aren’t showing him enough love”.  McNabb sucks so bad that he got benched for Rex Grossman.  The Vikings are a joke.  Sidney Rice should get on the first plane out of town and Adrian Peterson should follow him next year. The Vikings’ stadium is so tired of having bad football that it tried to kill itself last year.  Lions will finish ahead of Minnesota this season, remember where you heard it.


PS: The Vikings only gave a 6th round pick to Washington to get McNabb.  I feel like McNabb is the sports world equivalent of the MySpace. MySpace was cool for a while around 2005. MySpace sells for $550m in like 2006 and sold this year for $35m.  Washington trades a 2nd and a 4th round draft pick for McNabb last year and turns around deals him for a 6th rounder 16 months later.  I am not sure which franchise is more pathetic, Washington for giving a shit load for him when there was a chance he was still good, or Minnesota for thinking that he is STILL good.

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July 27, 2011 Leave a comment

NCAA Football win totals are probably my favorite bets of the year…probably because they are the easiest.  Hilton Sports Book in Vegas released their lines this past weekend and they are basically putting an ATM on my front lawn with these.  Easy money.  I also feel a lot smarter when I nail preseason picks.  Six picks to chalk up here.  Too bad you can’t parlay win totals.


Boise State – Win Total Line: 10.5 over(-135) Under(+115)

Normally I would stay away from a win total line higher than 10 for any team, but I love this line.  Kellen Moore is back for a senior season and should be a Heisman Finalist.  The Broncos have only three tough games on the schedule; @Georgia(Georgia Dome), Nevada, and TCU.  Nevada and TCU both have to replace long time starters at quarterback and both of those games will be played on the blue turf.  Playing Georgia in Atlanta will be a tough test, but Boise State historically plays very well against the big boys when given ample time to prepare.  No way the Broncos lose 2 games on their slate provided Moore stays healthy. TAKING OVER(-135)

Virginia Tech– Win Total Line: 10 over(-160) under(+140)

Full disclosure, I was ready to take the under when I saw this line. 10 wins at -160 is not a very attractive line, but then I decided I would actually look at the Hokies’ schedule.  What a cake walk.  They don’t play Florida State and they get Miami, Clemson, Boston College, and UNC at home.  They should be favored in all of those games.  Even though I am not really buying to the hype surrounding VaTech’s new QB, its hard to find two losses on that schedule.  Its either a win or a push at 10 wins.  TAKING OVER(-160)

West Virginia– Win Total Line: 9.5 over(+150) under(-170)

If you had read this blog in the past couple of weeks it’s no secret that I LOVE West Virginia this year.  Geno Smith and Dana Holgorsen are a match made in offense heaven.  They are going to light up the BigEast this season.  The test will come in their non-conference schedule.  West Virginia takes on SEC power LSU and ACC up-and-comer Maryland.  WVU probably splits those games and maybe drops a conference game somewhere along the line.  I just don’t see this team losing three games.  WVU is BCS bound.  TAKING OVER(+150)

USC– Win Total Line: 7.5 over(-130) under(+110)

Look, I hate USC as much as the next guy, but there is absolutely NO chance that they lose 5 games this year.  They are in year two of the Lane Kiffin era, have the best quarterback in the conference(maybe the country) not named Andrew Luck, and they don’t have nearly as many distractions this season.  I only see three losses on the schedule at this point.  @Notre Dame, @Oregon, and home against Stanford.  There other “tough” conference tests come at home.  I am simply not buying Utah and Arizona as real contenders in the Pac12.  USC is still probably the most talented team in the conference and will rebound this year with a 9-3 record. TAKING OVER(-130)

Notre Dame– Win Total Line: 8.5 over(-130) under(+140)

There simply aren’t 4 losses on ND’s schedule this year.  The Irish are returning almost all starters on both sides of the ball and will be much more comfortable in year 2 of Brian Kelly’s system.  Michigan State historically gives the Irish fits, but the Spartans are coming to South Bend this year and ND will be looking to avenge last season’s heartbreaking OT loss.  Notre Dame could very well be unbeaten heading into the season finale @Stanford.  So if the Irish are 11-0…that means they aren’t losing 4 games.  TAKING OVER(-160)

Miami(FLA)– Win Total Line: 8 over(-120) under(even)

Kudos to the Hurricanes for scheduling probably the toughest non-conference slate in the country…however that means that they will be fighting for bowl eligibility in their first season under coach Al Golden.  Miami opens at Maryland on Sept 5th, before heading home to face Ohio State and Kansas State in consecutive weeks.  The ‘Canes also play VaTech, Florida State, UNC, and USF on the road.  A quarterback controversy, a new system and the schedule from hell will have Miami well under 8 wins.  TAKING UNDER(even)




Exit Devin Aromashoudu and Enter Dane Sazenbacher: Bears Wide Receivers

July 27, 2011 Leave a comment

I am really glad that I never learned how to spell Devin Aromoshidu’s name.  That would have been a complete waste of time.  Just when I thought I was in the clear spelling wise, the Bears signed undrafted free agent Wide Receiver out of Ohio State, Dane Sazenbacher.  I really like Dane Sazenbacher.  He was so good at Ohio State that he even managed to make a dumbass like Terrell Pryor look good.  I think he makes the team and gives the Bears a nice special teams player and possession type receiver.

PS: What is the over/under on Wes Welker comparisons for Sazenbacher during training camp?  3000? 10000?  I am really tired of every white receiver being called the next Wes Welker.

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Nickelodeon is messing with my bed time

July 26, 2011 1 comment

(Business Insider)–Living the entirety of a decade in a span of thirty-one seconds doesn’t seem possible to people who spent their childhood outdoors not eating fluffernutters, but for us generation X and Y latchkey kids who came home after school to watch Are You Afraid Of The Dark?, watching the teaser conjured a rush of indescribable nostalgia that washed over our collective being. Yells of “Ahhhhhh, here it goes!” could be heard all over the country.  It is now time to bask in the glory of 1990s Nickelodeon programming. Starting at midnight tonight, Nick will begin nightly airings of a two-hour block of their 90s programming called “The ’90s Are All That.” The shows that this block will include Clarissa Explains It All, Doug, Kenan & Kel, Pete & Pete, All That, and pretty much every other culturally relevant Nickelodeon program put out during the decade that raised so many of the people now entering the workforce.

I just finished my second large Dunkin Donuts ice coffee of the day because I am going on like zero sleep.  How am I supposed to blog my ass off all day when I am now forced to stay up to 2am watching Doug, Clarissa Explains It All, All That, and Are You Afraid of The Dark?, and then wake up the next morning at 6am so I can watch Saved By The Bell?  Realistically I am now looking at a maximum of 4 hours of sleep per night.  And I don’t really even have a choice.  I don’t remember if Doug and Patty Mayonnaise ever got it on and the suspense is killing me.  People are freaking out about what the Debt crisis will do to the economy, but that’s small potatoes compared to an entire generation walking around like zombies because of sleep deprivation.
PS: There is no chance in hell that Doug Funnie wheels Patty Mayonnaise.  Patty is a dime.  The guy is still in school and balding already. He is down to eight hairs.  Huge nose, little pot belly, noodle arms, and what the F were you thinking with that green sweater vest, bro?  The pudgy, balding, ugly guy never locks down the smoking hot blonde.
PPS: Are You Afraid of The Dark? is still the scariest show I have ever seen on TV.
PPPS:  I NEED a Nickelodeon gameshow channel too. Family Double-Dare, Legends of the Hidden Temple, and GUTS were the shit.  I would have dominated the AstroCrag like Mike O’Malley had never seen.

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