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Archive for June, 2011

Its June and Wisconsin Just Clinched The Big10

June 27, 2011 Leave a comment

No disrespect to any of the other BigTen teams, but they all suck compared to Wisconsin.  Russell Wilson is transferring to Wisconsin, giving the Badgers their best passing quarterback in recent history.  Monte Ball will be running behind another enormous Wisconsin offensive line and then Russell Wilson will just throw bombs up to Nick Toon.  There is no stopping Wisconsin now.  I don’t want to hear from Nebraska people either.  You have been here for like 5 minutes and all your quarterback can do is run fast.  Wisconsin is a +200 right now on BetUs, which isn’t all that attractive, but a win is a win is a win.

 

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Shark Jumps Over Surfer

June 27, 2011 Leave a comment

 

Sharks proving once again that it’s their world and we are just swimming in it.  Sharks are total bad-asses and this was definitely a shot across that surfer dude’s bow.  Like “hey bro, get off my lawn because next time I am gonna snack on your fibula.”  I wish they kept the tape rolling on this.  Like did that guy that got hurdled book it for the beach or did he just keep chilling like it was nothing. “No biggie, just sharks launching themselves at my head.”  I’d be swimming so fast your head would spin.  Nobody can beat up a shark. But if you play it cool, and live to tell about it, you are probably going home with Kate Bosworth from “Blue Crush”.  Tough call.

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Rebuilding The Blackhawks: Free Agent Centers UPDATE

June 27, 2011 Leave a comment

I want Brad Richards.  That’s all there is to it.  People are saying they shouldn’t give him a big contract because it would be the same cap burden as Campbell.  That’s a ridiculous line of thinking.  How can you be “burdened” by a top 10 player in the league?  Richards would get a 100 points for the Blackhawks and would give the Hawks the best 1-2 punch of centers in the league.  I think the Blackhawks should offer Richards either 5 years and 35m, or 7 years and 42m.  The time to win is now.  The Blackhawks have cap space, and Richards at 7m a season provides more value than Brooks Laich or anyone else at 4 or 4.5m.  The Hawks can afford Richards and still have enough money to sign another defenseman and give Patrick Sharp a raise.

Forward Lines:

Patrick Sharp(5m, assumed contract extension) Jonathan Toews(6.3m) Patrick Kane(6.3)

Rusty Olesz(3.125m) Brad Richards(7m) Marian Hossa(5.275m)

Ben Smith($812,500) Dave Bolland(3.375m) Michael Frolik(2.275m,assumed raise)

Kyle Beach(1.171m) Marcus Kruger(900,000) Bryan Bickell($541,667)

13th forward(750k)

Defense:

Brent Seabrook(5.8m) Duncan Keith(5.538m)

Nik Hjalmarsson(3.5m) Nick Leddy(1.117m)

Chris Campoli(1.5m) 6th Defenseman(1.2m)

John Scott($512,500)

Goalies:

Corey Crawford(2.67m)

Alexander Salak($612,500)

Total: 64m.  And that’s rounding up.  The real total is a couple hundred grand less than that.  This team as presently constructed would probably go like 82-0.  Just do it Stan.

 

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99.9% of New Yorkers

June 27, 2011 Leave a comment

 

umm…yup, that pretty much sums them up.

 

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Categories: Internet Sensation

Soccer Pussies

June 24, 2011 1 comment

RussiaThe Brazil legend had helped his team Anzhi Makhachkala build a 3-0 lead over Krylya Sovetov in midweek when a banana was thrown at him from the stands. An emotional Carlos stopped playing and tossed the banana to the side of the pitch before heading for the touchline.Fighting tears and an appeal from the referee, he refused to continue playing and sat on the bench with his team-mates. Speaking after the game, he said: “I’m outraged by the sickening behavior of this fan, who, in fact, insulted not only me but all the players.”I hope the Russian federation, UEFA and FIFA will give an adequate evaluation to this disgusting incident.”

This is exactly why nobody respects soccer players.  Some drunk fan says something mean and throws a banana at you and quit and cry? What a joke.  Hey Roberto, its called home field advantage you pussy, ever heard of it?  Kind of comes with the territory.  That guy nailed you, he nailed you right in your mind.  The Russian Federation will give this an adequate evaluation alright. Putin is going to give that guy a medal and send him on vacation to the Hot Girl Army camp as a big thank you.  Soccer players have to be the biggest pussies in sports.  Diving, crying, quitting, just totally pathetic.

Here is how Roberto Carlos should handle that situation.

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NBA Draft Recap

June 24, 2011 1 comment

The NBA decided to move their draft from New York City to New Jersey, but it felt like they should have had it at Ellis Island.  The lottery was filled with a boatload of tall, skinny, ugly, awkward Euro dudes with names like Enes, Jan, and Nikola.  I can’t decide if this was the worst draft ever, or the best draft ever.  I had only heard of like 8 of the guys drafted and listening to Stuart Scott talk in a some like weird dialect of ebonics is beyond annoying, but the humor was off the charts.  Basketball Borat just kept getting drafted and interviewed all night.

Highlight of the night though was Jan Vesely’s girlfriend.

 

I know this guy is going to the NBA and everything(well, probably not Euros always suck except Dirk) but this guy is ugly.  Totally out kicking his coverage.  Not only is this girl a sexbomb, but she has no problem just frenching his face on national TV.  Staking her claim.  No doubt this will be the best moment of Jan Vesely’s career.  So do they just give girls like her out to guys in the Czech Republic or Lithuania or wherever he is from? I don’t care that he is about to be a millionaire, there is no way he should be able to lock that girl down.

 

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Metta World Peace Day on Windy City

June 24, 2011 Leave a comment

I guess Ron Artest is trying to change his name to Metta World Peace.  Just fucking perfect.  Some people are getting a little tired of his act and lumping him in with Chad Ochocinco.  What people don’t understand is that this isn’t an act like Ochocinco. Metta World Peace is legit fucking bat shit crazy.  He has spun right off this planet.  The guy has had so many classic moments already.  Easily one of my favorite crazy people ever. These are my favorite Metta World Peace moments:

1. Michael Jackson tribute rap song

2. “I wanna thank my hood…and I wanna thank my psychiatrist”

3.  Part-time employee at Circuit City

This is probably my favorite Ron Artest/Metta World Peace story of all time.  The summer after World Peace’s rookie year, the Bulls front office gets a call from Circuit City about an applicant.  Turns out Ron Artest applied for a part-time job and under employment history put “NBA Player” and listed Bulls executive Jerry Krause as his reference.  When asked why he was applying for a job with Circuit City, World Peace told the Bulls that he needed the employee discount on home electronics.  Artest had also already spent ALL of his first year’s salary which was over a million dollars.  His hood should have been thanking him.  He put all of his boys on scholarship.

World Peace is just out of his mind. Every league needs a little crazy.  World Peace is crazy in a harmless sort of way.  Well except for the whole thing where he jumped into the stands and beat up a fan and caused a riot.  He got suspended for the year. No biggie, just gave him time to work on his rap album.

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