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Archive for June, 2011

Worst/Best missed dunk ever?

June 30, 2011 Leave a comment

 

Way to break your fall with your face, man.  I have watched this video probably ten times now and I am convinced that this was like high school kids playing on a middle school play ground and the hoop is like 8 feet high.  Yeah, dunking is awesome.  Feels great when I just smash one on somebody’s face in the pool, but I would never play on an 8 foot rim.  A) that’s pathetic B) if god wanted you to dunk, he would have made you a foot taller and athletic. Some people aren’t meant to dunk.  This kid was messing with god’s will so he dropped him on his face.

 

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If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody give a shit?: Women’s World Cup of Soccer

June 30, 2011 Leave a comment

Hey ESPN, enough already.  Nobody cares about the women’s world cup.  It’s seriously probably the worst thing they have ever crammed down my throat.  News flash ESPN, a topless Brandi Chastain isn’t walking through that door.  I get that they probably dumped a whole bunch of cash on the exclusive rights to this event immediately after the post game strip celebration in 1999, but its time to cut your losses and give people something better like ping-pong.

PS: How is there so much money for women’s sports on a professional level? I know that Title IX exists for college and high school, but this is America.  Is ESPN actually making money on this? They can’t be.  On a similar note, the Chicago Sky WNBA team has billboard ads all over I-90.  How can they possibly afford that.  Those cost like 14k/per month in those locations.  That’s more than they make in an entire season.

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Jerry Reinsdorf wins a “major award”. Its fragile, must be Italian

June 30, 2011 Leave a comment

ChicagoAs the Chicago White Sox prepare to invade Wrigley Field to face the Cubs this weekend for another edition of the Crosstown Series, Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf already should feel like a winner. On June 21, Reinsdorf was one of the recipients of a Jefferson Award, regarded as the “Nobel Prize for public service.”

This sounds like a big deal and everything, but what did he get it for?  The article doesn’t say exactly what his charity work was, so I am going to assume that it’s for giving Adam Dunn a job and 56 million dollars.  I don’t know how he is supposed to feel like a winner.  The White Sox are the worst baseball team in this city not named the Chicago Cubs.  

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I am thinking about getting a MySpace account because Justin Timberlake bought it

June 30, 2011 Leave a comment

(WSJ)–“This time it may be different. Joining Specific Media is Mr. Sexxyback himself, pop singer Justin Timberlake. Timberlake, who coincidentally had a major part in last summer’s Facebook film “Social Network”, has invested an undisclosed amount in the company.”

 

Look it, MySpace sucks and everybody knows it.  I have never been on there, but I hear its for pedophiles, rapists, prostitutes, and musicians.  Not exactly my crowd.  Having said that, I am totally creating an account now.  Justin Timberlake is just a winner.  SNL is terrible.  Haven’t watched it in years, but Timberlake hosts and it suddenly is awesome again.  The guy dominates everything he puts his hands on. He’s obviously a social media expert after starring in “The Social Network”.  So I am going to dive head first into the new MySpace. Zuckerberg better watch his ass.

 

PS: NewsCorp bought MySpace 6 years ago for $580m and sold it for $35m.  That’s the worst investment ever, right?  Has any company ever lost 555 million dollars in that short of a time period?  Timberlake will probably sell it back to them for a billion in like 2 years.

 

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Gardenhoser!!! Cub Fan has stronger arm than Soriano

June 30, 2011 Leave a comment

 

Funky butt-loving, that was a good throw.  Sign that kid up. Cubs are back baby.

 

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CUBS WIN!!!! If they win tomorrow, thats called a winning streak

June 27, 2011 Leave a comment

 

All the Cubs needed to start winning was to stop playing American League powerhouses like the Kansas City Royals.  Suck it Rockies.

 

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“Hey Baby, wanna see my Alligator?”

June 27, 2011 Leave a comment

Ford Heights, ILCook County Sheriff’s police removed a four-foot alligator from the home of a Ford Heights man who kept the reptile as a pet. Investigators with the Cook County Sheriff’s Office Animal Crimes Unit received a tip that a man was keeping an alligator in confined conditions. Officers went to the residence and found the alligator in a fish tank in the kitchen. Dewayne Yarbrough, 43, is charged with possession of a dangerous animal. He told police he purchased it five years ago in Indiana for $200 and kept it as a pet because it attracted women. Full size alligators are normally 8 to 14 feet in length, but police say Yarbrough only fed his alligator once a month to keep it small. The gator was transferred to Animal Welfare League in Chicago Ridge and will be turned over to Chicago Herpilogical Society.

What was with the News woman at the end of this?  “Who told him women are attracted to alligators?” Hey, do you really think this guy would keep an alligator in his kitchen if it didn’t get him laid? I have been running a dating advice column on here, but I am seriously considering reaching out to Dewayne Yarbrough for advice.  He is 43 and has probably forgotten more about women than I will ever know.  Still bringing the heat, and spicing shit up.  If you are in your 40s, you can’t just rely on having a nice car anymore, and Dewayne gets that.

PS: Dewayne was obviously into some freaky alligator sex.  His pet alligator was turned over to the Herpilogical Society.  Poor little guy.  I didn’t even know alligators could get herpes.

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Its June and Wisconsin Just Clinched The Big10

June 27, 2011 Leave a comment

No disrespect to any of the other BigTen teams, but they all suck compared to Wisconsin.  Russell Wilson is transferring to Wisconsin, giving the Badgers their best passing quarterback in recent history.  Monte Ball will be running behind another enormous Wisconsin offensive line and then Russell Wilson will just throw bombs up to Nick Toon.  There is no stopping Wisconsin now.  I don’t want to hear from Nebraska people either.  You have been here for like 5 minutes and all your quarterback can do is run fast.  Wisconsin is a +200 right now on BetUs, which isn’t all that attractive, but a win is a win is a win.

 

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Shark Jumps Over Surfer

June 27, 2011 Leave a comment

 

Sharks proving once again that it’s their world and we are just swimming in it.  Sharks are total bad-asses and this was definitely a shot across that surfer dude’s bow.  Like “hey bro, get off my lawn because next time I am gonna snack on your fibula.”  I wish they kept the tape rolling on this.  Like did that guy that got hurdled book it for the beach or did he just keep chilling like it was nothing. “No biggie, just sharks launching themselves at my head.”  I’d be swimming so fast your head would spin.  Nobody can beat up a shark. But if you play it cool, and live to tell about it, you are probably going home with Kate Bosworth from “Blue Crush”.  Tough call.

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Rebuilding The Blackhawks: Free Agent Centers UPDATE

June 27, 2011 Leave a comment

I want Brad Richards.  That’s all there is to it.  People are saying they shouldn’t give him a big contract because it would be the same cap burden as Campbell.  That’s a ridiculous line of thinking.  How can you be “burdened” by a top 10 player in the league?  Richards would get a 100 points for the Blackhawks and would give the Hawks the best 1-2 punch of centers in the league.  I think the Blackhawks should offer Richards either 5 years and 35m, or 7 years and 42m.  The time to win is now.  The Blackhawks have cap space, and Richards at 7m a season provides more value than Brooks Laich or anyone else at 4 or 4.5m.  The Hawks can afford Richards and still have enough money to sign another defenseman and give Patrick Sharp a raise.

Forward Lines:

Patrick Sharp(5m, assumed contract extension) Jonathan Toews(6.3m) Patrick Kane(6.3)

Rusty Olesz(3.125m) Brad Richards(7m) Marian Hossa(5.275m)

Ben Smith($812,500) Dave Bolland(3.375m) Michael Frolik(2.275m,assumed raise)

Kyle Beach(1.171m) Marcus Kruger(900,000) Bryan Bickell($541,667)

13th forward(750k)

Defense:

Brent Seabrook(5.8m) Duncan Keith(5.538m)

Nik Hjalmarsson(3.5m) Nick Leddy(1.117m)

Chris Campoli(1.5m) 6th Defenseman(1.2m)

John Scott($512,500)

Goalies:

Corey Crawford(2.67m)

Alexander Salak($612,500)

Total: 64m.  And that’s rounding up.  The real total is a couple hundred grand less than that.  This team as presently constructed would probably go like 82-0.  Just do it Stan.

 

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